


Anklebiters

by soulmeetingbody



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21790582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulmeetingbody/pseuds/soulmeetingbody
Summary: Josh Dun is rising fast in the music industry as a sharp-witted journalist with a talent for drilling into people’s darkest secrets, and an outstanding hate for Tyler Joseph.Tyler Joseph has already spent years in the spotlight as a mysterious teen heart-throb. But with his sudden departure from the spotlight, following a full three years of silence before his abrupt reappearance, the media is hot on his tail. But Tyler is just too secretive for anyone to crack the code of what’s going on in that head of his.(prologue set in 2007, while the fic is in 2009)co-written by myself and @clear_as_jelly on wattpad
Relationships: Josh Dun/Brendon Urie, Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph, Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. Prologue

He entered the unusually quiet house, cradling a case of beers with the guilty burn of a fake-ID in his back pocket. “That’s the last time I do your bidding, Boyd!” Josh called out as he shuffled up to the bathroom where the stench of hairspray plagued his nostrils through the closed door. “Do I really look like a-” Josh struggled to pull the ID out. “Clarence Worley to you?”

The lock clicked and the white door opened up to reveal a ravishing Brendon Urie who was dressed in a white dress shirt underneath a black vest. He wore pants that clung a little bit too revealingly to his body- at least enough to make his roommate of two years go rosy. “Hey man, if it weren’t for ‘Clarence Worley’ do you think you would have been able to get into our gig last week?” Josh pouted. “Come on, why do you always have to stage me up? I haven’t even had a chance to get ready!”

“Don’t worry, Dun. Since when do you spend hours getting ready anyway?” Brendon teased, making his way out of the bathroom and giving Josh’s ass a firm slap as he walked by.

“I’ll have you know that I take pride in my appearance!” Josh squeaked, obviously startled by the older boy’s advances. No matter how many compromising situations they experienced together, Josh never expects the casual flirtation that Brendon is always so open about. Especially when Brendon would spend days obsessing over his band-mate and causal fling, Ryan Ross, who he clearly had strong feelings for but dreaded the thought of admitting it to them.

Josh didn’t know much about Ryan, after all, he was Brendon’s friend, not Panic! at the Disco’s friend. He was cool with it though, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t rather desperate to get an interview with the elusive guitarist. Brendon had seen other journalists continuously try and fail to snatch any useful information from the older man and he had faith that he had what it would take to tackle his diversions. 

Brendon disagreed.  
Brendon had been in the scene a lot longer than Josh had and said that the younger male was already in over his head- he wasn’t trying to be rude, just honest. Then again, it was Brendon who had just sent out the underage boy to get alcohol for his party to celebrate their previous show. Apparently, it would only be a few people coming over, but then again- when Brendon said ‘a couple’ that usually meant over 50 at a minimum.

Later, guests began to trickle in one by one or in pairs, smiling at Brendon and congratulating him on his work. They never spared a glance at Josh and he understood why: he was a nobody. How he even ended up living with the rising star named Brendon Boyd Urie is still totally bizarre to him. But Josh wasn’t the type to sit on his ass and cry, he looked at the party positively- this was the perfect opportunity to put his name out there.

After following Brendon like a lost puppy, gawking at the number of well-known celebrities who were congregating in his living room, Josh went to the kitchen to crack open one of his, no, ‘Clarence’s’ hard-earned beers. 

While Josh leant against the counter, he watched a bright orange hue waltz into the kitchen. He took a sip from the beer, smiling as the girl he knew to be Hayley Williams sat up on the kitchen counter. “Are you lost, ma’am? I thought heaven was East from here.” The comment earnt a giggle from Hayley, along with a nudge on the shoulder. 

“I know way too little about you for you to be hitting on me, loverboy.”  
He shrugged, “well, usually they call me Josh.”  
“Who’s they?” Hayley smirked, to which Josh muttered “...Brendon.”  
“Oh, you’re a friend of Brendon?”  
“Obviously.” Josh frowned. “I mean- I kinda live here.”  
“You must be important then.” Hayley laughed before adding “you know what, Josh. You’re kinda cute.” Josh grinned slightly before he stood up properly. “I’ve gotta go ask Brendon something, I’ll catch ya’.” 

Josh made his way through the kitchen, beer clutched in hand even though he never really thought to drink it. The beer acted as a security blanket, helping Josh to blend into the sea of people. He walked with a purpose, purely intent on finding Brendon before he crashed into a brick wall of a person.

As Josh began to let out profuse apologies, he’s stopped in his tracks when he saw who the wall truly was.  
“Tyler Joseph? Dude, where have you been? I used to love seeing your performances!” Josh grinned up at the taller boy.  
“Who are you? Some groupie of Brendon’s?” Tyler glares, turning back to Ryan who shrugged. Josh stands there for a moment, perplexed.

This wasn’t the Tyler he used to watch on his tv, the boy who respected his fans just as much as they worshipped him. The Tyler Joseph that earned a place on Josh’s poster wall in his bedroom, Josh wondered if Tyler even remembered him from the signings he used to go to as often as he could. What the heck was up with Ryan, too? The two weren’t close but Ryan knew who Josh was, he lived with the guy’s lead singer for christ’s sake. With this thought in mind, Josh bit his tongue and turned to leave. 

With his head hung low, Josh continued on his search for Brendon. He tried to wet his mouth with the beer but his tongue remained painfully dry. He felt ashamed, both because he let someone disregard him like that and because someone he thought of so highly of actually saw him that way.

Josh found himself in a crowd, ears being blasted by some shitty remixes Brendon thought would be fun to play. As his senses overload, Josh feels his empty hand being taken into a much smaller and softer one. He looks across to Hayley, who’s chest was suddenly pressed against his. 

As Josh went to apologise for the lack of space, she whispered into his ear “show me your room, loverboy.” And with that, Josh found his past turmoil easily forgotten.

All eyes turned to the pair as they crossed through the living room and up the same stairs that a few other hook-ups had climbed too. Who was this nobody? And what was he doing with Hayley fucking Williams? In the crowd, a pair of chocolate eyes watched them closely, the loathing in his chest bubbling with a feeling similar to heartache.

Josh lead Hayley to his room, a firm grip on her soft hand. He made sure to knock first, knowing they weren’t the only pair with these intentions. 

He flicked the light switch on, a soft red haze of light filling the luxurious bedroom. Hayley glanced around the room, a gentle smile graced her lips when she saw a poster of her own band stuck to the wall.

“You’re a fan, loverboy?” She grinned, to which he retorted “I respect good music- Like I have all these posters- Like I’m not a super fan I’m just-” Hayley began to giggle while he rambled before pushing him onto the bed and kissing him roughly. 

Rock and roll baby, don't you know that  
We're all alone now  
-Paramore, Crushcrushcrush

Josh shuffled around the house, cleaning up all the empty cans of beer while Brendon whined ‘like a little bitch’ on the couch. There was only so much that Advil and water could do to soothe one of Brendon’s hangovers. Perhaps that was why Brendon let Josh live with him, just so that he could have a maid who would cook, clean, baby him, and show him a good time when Ryan wasn’t willing to take his pants off.

“I told you not to take all those shots, Boyd.” Josh tutted as he swung a trash bag over his shoulder and frowned at the older boy.  
“You know drunk me, you have to tie me down to a chair if you want me to stop drinking.” Brendon huffed, making Josh crack a smile.

Josh was barely even hungover, in fact, he was glowing- sex with Hayley Williams was just as good, if not better than a blowjob from Brendon.

Brendon only began to sulk further when his cell phone started to ring, afraid that it was his manager asking him to actually start writing something for their next album. However, he only frowned questioningly when he saw that it was Ryan.

“What’s up?” He asked worriedly, Ryan never calls him.  
“Dude, have you been on Twitter today? Your roommate is everywhere.”  
“Someone uploaded a video of him having sex?” Brendon asked, suddenly alarmed.  
“Someone what!” Josh called out from the door, back from the bin run.  
Ryan rolled his eyes on the other side of the phone.  
“No, dumbass. Hayley put in one hell of a good word for Josh. Now all of her fans are crazy to see him give some interviews.”

Sure enough, Josh pulled out his laptop and his social media on all platforms was booming. There were even messages from other musicians who wanted to catch an interview, most likely in hope that this new Josh Dun fan base would give them extra attention.

Brendon and Josh gawked at each other with an equal amount of shock.

“Dude! They like you!”


	2. 1. Maggot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for drug use  
> (i probably won't do these in the future since it's a major part of this fic but please be safe babes)

Tyler Joseph was impossible to spot in a crowd, he was always so paranoid of being seen by paparazzi that he would go to the most ridiculous lengths to have his physical appearance concealed outside of his home. His friend Ryan Ross was very similar but not nearly as extreme as Tyler was but Ryan had grown used to recognising his friend when they’d have their weekly brunches at Jenna’s Juice Bar.

It was a tiny, local cafe which sold a lot more different types of coffee than juice, but there was no better place to go when you were avoiding the media. Jenna was a sweet girl and would never sell the two out, even though she was a fan of both their music. She treated them like they were humans. 

So when Tyler shuffled into the nearly empty cafe, wearing his signature sunglasses, a dad hat, a scarf, hoodie, and gloves, Ryan only smiled and waved him down from where he sat. They always sat in the same spot to the point where Jenna began to reserve the table for them every Tuesday. Ryan preferred to sit in a wooden chair by the window while Tyler sat across from him on a bench concealed by a throne of pillows.

Together they’d eat brunch and drink coffee, all while discussing their lives like a fucked up version of a mother’s club. 

“So, you went to My Chem’s party last weekend. Yeah?” Tyler asked, taking a drink from his Irish coffee.  
“I wasn’t going to, to be honest. They’re cool but they’re more Brendon and Pete’s friends than mine. It was fun though. Gerard got fucking doped up.”  
Tyler giggled into his coffee. “I expected that.”

“Here you go, boys. The smashed avo and salmon toast for Ross, and the vegan pancakes for… you, mister.” Jenna smiled brightly as she gave the pair their food. Tyler felt his chest warm at the fact that Jenna always remembered not to address him by his name in public- you never know who’s listening. 

“It looks amazing, Jen. Thank you.” Ryan thanked her in a soft voice, speaking for both himself and Tyler.  
The pair then continued to eat quietly, only making small talk occasionally before returning to a comfortable state of silence. That’s how Tyler preferred it, it made him feel calm.

“Would you like another coffee, mister?” Jenna asked, popping up at their table a few minutes later.  
“No, no thank you. It was beautiful though.” Tyler sai some part-timers. Must be nice being able to make your own music in the safety of your own home.” Jenna said, sighing at the thought.  
“To’mae’to, to’mah’to, Jenna.” Tyler muttered.  
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Call me if you need in a low voice. He then glanced over to the notice board and spotted a ‘Jenna’s Juice Bar: Staff Wanted!’ sign.  
“Say, I guess your cafe’s growing if you need more hands on deck?” He asked.  
“Huh? Oh, yeah. It’s slowly started getting busier here so I’d love anything.” She smiled, making her way back to the front counter.

Tyler watched her walk away, his focus slipping into another daydream until Ryan spoke up. “I don’t think Brendon’s taking me seriously anymore.” He sighs.  
Tyler frowned, “What do you mean? Have you started working on the new album yet?”  
“Yeah but- I just don’t think he likes my writing anymore. Keeps saying shit about how he doesn’t want to ‘sound gay’.”  
Tyler’s face twisted into disgust. “Your writing is sexy, Ryan. Brendon doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”  
“He’s right though! I let my emotions get in the way of my writing too much and it ends up as some gay-emo blur.”  
“He said that?” Tyler raised his eyebrows. “Emotion makes music, your fans don’t care about tits and pop songs.”  
“Brendon does.”  
“Doesn’t he not only sleep with you, but also Joshua Dun? Doesn’t sound very straight to me.”  
“It’s not like that, Brendon just uses anyone willing! And Josh would be- He needs Brendon.”  
Tyler rolled his eyes, not paying much attention to the depth of Ryan’s statement. “Fucking groupie.”  
“What’s your deal with Josh though? I have a reason to hate him, though I kinda don’t, what’s yours?”  
“He’s a parasite. Sucking Brendon’s dick for real estate and ruining hard-working musicians’ careers.” Tyler hissed, squinting behind his sunglasses.  
Ryan found himself laughing a little. “Everybody has their claim to fame, Josh Dun’s is just sucking dick and ruining lives.”  
“Whatever, watch your back when he’s around. He’s got no empathy- totally barbaric.”

Tyler sighed, finishing the last bite of what he could stomach from the large pile of pancakes.  
“Got any more plans for today? I think I’m gonna head home soon.”  
Ryan stared into his empty coffee mug and mumbled, “I’ll probably go to Brendon’s.”  
Tyler scoffed but didn’t bother to try and stop his friend. Either way, he had nothing else to do today.

So Tyler did what Tyler does best.

And it's kind of funny  
The way we're wearing anchors on our shirts  
When being anchored aboard just feels like a curse  
Fall Out Boy, 27

“Hello and welcome back to another 3 pm interview live with Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump from Fall Out Boy.” 

Tyler lay on his back, spread out across the mattress and entangled in the expensive silk sheets. Lines of cocaine still remained on the glass coffee table near his feet, surrounded by scattered piles of different coloured tablets and pills. He wasn’t sure which ones he had taken but his nose sure stung and he felt like he could feel every ounce of gravity holding him down.

“Fucking Joshua Dun, who else is going to fall into his trap?” He muttered to his ceiling fan.

“So, Pete, Patrick, I’ve heard some talk that things have been a bit rough in the band lately.”

“What the..? Where’d you hear that?”

“You’re Fall Out Boy! I have to know these things.”

Tyler looked halfway angelic with his pale skin and watery eyes, but inside a brew of hate, anger and loathing were stirring. Every word that came from Josh’s mouth made the older man’s skin prickle. As Tyler laid in a pit of anger, he found himself fixating on specific features of Josh, each making him feel worse. Josh Dun was a leech, he relied on others to give him his fame and if it weren’t for Haley Williams he would have been nothing. If asked, he would excuse it as a ‘bad trip,’ but Tyler just hated Joshua William Dun. 

Josh fidgeted with something before continuing.  
“On the contrary, a few rumours have been floating around about a ‘Best Hits’ album.”  
Pete Wentz laughed, “Shit, Dun. I don’t know where you find this information.”  
Patrick chuckled, “I know right.” He paused and seemed to be moving around, “Is there cameras watching us?”  
Josh laughed with the pair but did not let the question go.  
“Hey, I get it if you wanna keep some secrets. But at least fill us in on a song or two we might find on a “Best of Fall Out Boy” album?”  
“Well, I’m pretty proud of Alpha Do-”  
“Patrick! Shut the fuck up!”  
Josh giggled in delight at the singer’s slip up.  
“What was that, Patrick? Did I just hear ‘Alpha Dog’? Don’t think I’ve heard of that one before.”  
Pete groaned, “Is this live?”  
“You bet, Wentz.”  
There was the sound of a fist colliding with Patrick’s shoulder followed by a yelp of pain and another laugh from Josh.  
“Hey, hey, calm down. How about we take a break from that and take a look at a few fan QandA’s?”

Tyler’s blood boiled and he rolled out of his bed to crawl over to the coffee table. His thin fingers pinched a pre-rolled joint and a lighter in the other, making sure to inhale a series of long deep hits before reaching for his phone. Josh was a dick, and people did not remind him of this as often as he deserved.

“Oh, what do we have here?” Josh starts, lifting his phone off his lap where he had previously read questions off of.  
“News just in from one of my favourite viewers- “You are such a-” Hey man, this show is televised!” “as I was saying, “You are such a ‘meanie’ that I truly believe you are a worm on the ground, in which I would step on after the rain. Actually, worms do something to help society, and you do not. I would much prefer to crush you as a maggot, which has a close enough IQ to yours.”

“And that, my dearest listeners and adoring fans of Fall Out Boy, in which I centred this interview, was a very unprofessional Tyler Joseph.”

The whole world of the music industry was thrown into chaos minutes later. Tyler Joseph was a ghost who avoided the spotlight like a vampire in the sun, why would he go and throw himself headfirst into the onslaught of Josh’s fans like that?

Tyler was basking in the glory of speaking his mind after years of agonising silence from Josh, totally ignorant towards the hysterics happening on social media. Then his second phone, which was used only for phone calls, began to ring, and he wasn’t called often by anyone on that. Even his manager didn’t call him on that phone because the last one who did was fired on the spot.

Still, he answered only after seeing the caller ID belonged to Ryan Ross.

“Hello?” He answered in a slow, slurred voice.  
“Tyler, I’m not usually the one to judge one’s decisions. Specifically yours. But you, my friend, are in some deep shit.” Ryan answers.  
“What do you think I did, RyRo? Commit arson or something? That was one time.”  
“My dearest Tyler, you’ve committed complete social suicide. Do you realise just who you texted? Like, did you put any thought into it?”  
“Into what? I only sent a message to Josh… oh fuck! How do you know that?”

Before Ryan could answer, Brendon found himself quickly snatching the phone. “Next time you decide to call my best friend a maggot, maybe don’t try it on live radio?” He spat.  
Tyler felt physically ill. “Shit… oh, oh Gosh. Ryan, please come pick me up.” 

Tyler could feel his throat tightening, threaten to close up and suffocate him in the form of another panic attack. He looked down at the joint which still rested between his fingers, the smell made bile rise in his throat.

“I’ll pick you up in 5. Please don’t pass out before you can buzz me in.” 

Tyler ended up moving to the ensuite while he waited for Ryan, afraid that he would throw up all over his Indian black silk robe, thankfully he didn’t end up throwing up until he made it to Brendon’s house. Still, that did not mean that by the time Ryan made it tyler wasn’t already caught in a hurricane of regret and was being seriously overwhelmed by the media. Ryan knew that what Tyler had done was stupid, but after seeing the half-burnt-out joint and collection of drugs lying about it was clear that Sober Tyler hadn’t made that decision.

However, Ryan could not deny the fact that Sober Tyler was turning into just an alter-ego of Intoxicated-tyler. 

Either way, Ryan practically dragged the younger male out of his house, not bothering to dress him in any more of his clothes beforehand. After all, the plan was to make a B-Line back to Brendon’s house and avoid all paparazzi in the process. Thankfully, however, the traffic was nonexistent and if they had a few photos of the pair there was not much more damage that could be done to Tyler’s reputation anyway.

So minutes later Brendon’s black trans am skidded into the open garage with Ryan at the wheel and Brendon there to quickly shut the roller behind them. After all, they didn’t want Josh to arrive home to a massive hoard of reporters crowding his home in search of Tyler Joseph. 

Ryan takes Tyler into one of the many spare bedrooms, getting him to sit on the bed.  
“Come on, Ty-guy, you’re alright.”  
“No, I’m not. I think I just fucked up my entire career.”  
“Are you kidding man? You’re gonna be the talk of the town for at least a week!”  
“You know that I hate that kind of attention, Ross. I seem like such an ass hole.”  
“It’s okay Ty, you’ve been through so much worse before.”  
“But this is just my own shit catching up to me again. Joshua is adored by everyone, way more than I’ve ever been and I just said that- oh my Gosh. I said that he was a maggot!”  
Tyler groaned, leaning forward to dig his palms into his eyelids.  
Ryan starts to laugh, though quickly stopping when Tyler looks up with tear-stained cheeks to glare at him. “It’s- It’s a little bit funny.”  
Tyler scoffed and shoved Ryan’s shoulder, “Shut the fuck up. You’ve never been through a situation like this- especially not on live radio.”

Tyler then got up, instead choosing to burrow himself under the pile of blankets until he was hidden under the mass of green wool on the bed.  
“Tyler, I live most of my life on stage. Trust me, people get over this shit fast.”  
“Yeah! But Joshua won’t!” Came Tyler’s muffled reply.  
“Why do you care so much about his opinion, huh?” Ryan smirks.  
“Because, he’s just as much of a bitch as you are!”

From the other side of the house, Josh hung his coat up before stepping inside the kitchen. He thought he heard someone talking from inside the house but just shrugged it off to be another ‘friend’ of Brendon’s. As he headed to his own room he picked up Ryan’s voice and changed his destination to the closest guest bedroom. 

Josh opened the door with a “Wassup ma-n?” His voice faltered as his focus shifted to the mound of blankets.  
“Hey, Ryan, man, buddy, are you zooted or what?”  
The mound of blankets that Ryan was consoling suddenly shot upwards, causing Josh’s stomach to drop to the floor in synchronised timing. Seconds later Ryan was up and herding Josh out of the guest bedroom in a borderline rushed fashion, to which Josh responded: “This is my house!”  
“Listen, man, fuck off and I’ll talk to you about it later.”

As the door slammed in his face, Josh sulked off to his room with the post-interview buzz washed away. He decided to continue his day as if he hadn’t just had that interaction with Ryan, instead Josh made a bee-line to his ensuite and turned on the shower, taking his time to chill out under the hot jets of water from above.

Meanwhile, Ryan finally managed to coax Tyler out of his self-destructive state, then he even managed to get him out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, Ryan was pretty proud of himself. He brought him into the kitchen so that Tyler could sober up a little because hey, even dancing on the edge of a breakdown for 40 minutes doesn’t get weed, cocaine and who knows what else, out of your system.

Ryan got up, checking his pockets before sighing. “I left my phone in Brendon’s car, I’ll be back in a few.” 

Tyler was too out of it to argue with the older male so instead, he just slid into one of the stools, leaning forward onto the cool marble with a blanket wrapped over his shoulders. He was so tired and the room was swaying back and forth like the early morning after a party. His head rested on the side, allowing his messy hair to fall forward across his soft forehead and onto the bench. His eyes fluttered closed and stayed like that, his chapped pink lips party slightly as he took long, slow breaths.

That was the sight that Josh walked in on when he entered the kitchen wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. He stood there in something similar to awe, staring at Tyler like a deer in headlights. It was funny, the other boy was most likely off his face and looked like he was in pain, and he still managed to look flawless. 

“D-Do… Do you need some Advil?” Josh managed to get out. Tyler’s head snapped up at the sudden and all too familiar voice. 

“Oh- uh- no. No, Ryan already gave me some. Thank you though.” Tyler said, his doe eyes flicking to and from Josh’s eyes and lips. Josh returned his gaze, noticing a soft tremble in the older boy’s lips. “Are you okay..?” He asked gently.

“What? Oh yeah, I’m..” Tyler paused, taking his time to think his answer through. The guy trying to comfort him was the same guy who put him in this situation.  
Tyler’s face turned stony, his eyes squinting in a glare as he slowly stood up. The blanket dropped off his shoulder as he walked towards Josh, his finger pointed at him accusingly.  
“I would be better if some jackass, wanker, arrogant, groupie, filth, hadn’t fucked with my entire career just for- what? A laugh?” His voice got louder as he spoke, causing Josh to back up a few paces in shock

Josh began to stutter, his pride taking over. “You- Since when did you text me? I could only assume it was a joke! Like, you called me a fucking maggot! How could I take you seriously?”  
Tyler looked offended. “Oh yeah, cause I’m one for a joke. You should know better than most about how much I hate the media! The only reason I sent that is because I-” Tyler cut himself off, his eyes wide in horror. “Because I hate you, Joshua.”  
“Was I supposed to be keeping tabs on you and your hate for the media, Joseph? I don’t give a shit about how you’re sick of the limelight! Not everybody gets to choose to be successful, some people have to work hard for it!”  
Tyler stood taller, looking down with disgust with his finger pressed to Josh’s bare chest. “Yeah? Well, I don’t know about you but I didn’t suck Brendon Urie’s dick, and fuck Hayley Williams to earn my fame. Groupie.” He spat with venom dripping from his tongue.

Josh’s face began to heat up, his jaw tensing as he glared up at Tyler. He was about to speak when Ryan walked back in. 

“Do either of you know how to behave?” Ryan said quickly, going to separate the two. Josh backed down compliantly, staring at the floor. Meanwhile, Tyler continued to hold his ground with his chin raised proudly. For Tyler, this was a small redemption of his pride.

Josh mumbled, “Tell your friend not to fucking touch me.” Before disappearing off to his room quickly. Then, Ryan turned to Tyler, looking at him expectantly with an eyebrow raised in disapproval.

“What did he do for you to be such a bitch?”  
Tyler spluttered. “He treated me like a child, he was trying to humiliate me.”  
Ryan scoffed. “Yeah, okay. So he didn’t do shit. Classic Tyler.”  
“Whatever! Screw you, screw Joshua, and screw Brendon too!”

Although Ryan knew Tyler was in a bad mood and still had drugs in his system, he couldn’t help but make it worse.  
“You’re acting like a fucking child, Ty. You’ve blown this way out of proportion and are just picking a fight with Josh so that you can feel better about yourself!”  
Tyler scoffed, “Fine! Take his side!” He practically wailed.  
Tyler then rolled his eyes and made his way to the garage, “Tell Brendon that you’ll pick up his car when you’re actually a good friend!” He called, picking up the car keys and stalking out with his silk robe fluttering behind him.

“Fucking primadonna.” Ryan sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading! we made some twitter accs for when we have writers block so if you want some funky content on your feeds check out   
> @theunrealry  
> @tylerthebrikwal  
> @lvrboyj and  
> @bendonbroyd


	3. 2. Confrontation

Ryan and Tyler had fights very, very often. But no matter how bitchy they could be towards one another, it never lasted. The two needed each other more than they relied on their own families- they were like brothers. 

Not only did their arguments allow them to blow off steam from the stress of their lives, but it also kept them grounded whenever their egos too over. Although, it was usually Tyler who tended to slip into the passenger seat and allow his emotions to run wild in fits of angry, unprovoked words. People like Ryan never treated him like a celebrity, they reminded him that he was equal to everyone else, and was never afraid to call them out when they were being overdramatic.

Who knows where Tyler would be if it weren’t for for Ryan Ross… actually, most likely dead.

If the two really hated each other, they wouldn’t continue to catch up for their weakly brunches. Their late mornings at the cafe was mutual ground where they were able to brush off any insults and hateful words spat by the other. In fact, in most cases they would decide to forget about it completely.

Tyler had been looking forward to his seeing Ryan. He hadn’t left his house since the incident involving Joshua and he had grown dreadfully bored. 

“Jesus Christ, Tyler. What happened to you?” Ryan gaped when he saw the condition of his semi-concealed friend.  
“Don’t say his name like that.” Tyler tutted disapprovingly.  
“Sorry.” Ryan apologized quickly, remembering how Tyler hated people using blasphemy around him. “But seriously… are you okay?”  
“I’m fine, just had a rough week.” Tyler muttered, glancing into his lap. Ryan could hear the clinking of Tyler’s rosary beads which the other boy twisted between his fingers.  
“For Go… Gosh’s sake, Tyler. I can tell when you’re not doing well. When was the last time you ate?”

Tyler was sickly pale, the only other colour in his skin being a nasty shade of yellow. He was thinner than usual and his cheeks looked like they were starting to get hollow, you could even see that his eyes were sunken behind the tint of his sunglasses.

“I just smoked a few too many cigarettes, that’s all.” Tyler defended himself.  
Either way, Ryan flagged down Jenna so that they could order but when Tyler tried to order another Irish coffee, Ryan quickly changed it to a glass of water and orange juice.  
“Alright, I’ll have someone bring it out in a minute.” Jenna smiled before taking her leave.  
Tyler glared at him and Ryan sighed, “You need to take a break from that, get a little healthier for a while and let your body recover.”  
“I don’t need to recover. I’m fine. I’ve done this hundreds of times and I’m still alive.”  
Ryan scoffed, “Barely. You’re sick, Tyler.”  
Tyler flinched, “Can we not talk about this here? I don’t want people knowing that I’m ‘sick’-”  
“You’re sick? I think we’ve got some advil in the kitchen.” Josh smiles, placing down a cup of water alongside some orange juice.  
Tyler groaned, “For Pete’s sake, why do people keep offering me advil?”  
Tyler’s eyes widened and he turned his head in horror and as soon as he saw who the voice belonged to he cowered away, pulling his hood up and leaning away.

“I know it’s you, dumbass. I saw you come in.” Josh rolled his eyes.  
Tyler gasped and looked at Josh, obviously displeased. “Are you stalking me?”  
“Yeah, ignore the fact that I work here.” Josh hummed before adding, “Why are you wearing sunglasses inside? You look like some stuck-up celebrity.”  
“Well maybe I am, Joshua. I guess that, that also means you’re obsessed with this ‘stuck- up celebrity’.”  
Ryan cuts in before Josh, “Seriously, Tyler? He just said he works here.” Ryan looked up at Josh to say, “Congrats on the job, man.”  
“Thanks!” 

Tyler’s beady eyes glanced between the two, gasping at each syllable that was shared between his best friend and greatest enemy.  
“Well sorry Joshua, but I only accept service from Jenna. Who knows what you’d put in my food? Truth serum?”  
Josh furrowed his brows before picking up Tyler’s orange juice and spitting into the cup, keeping eye-contact with Tyler the whole time. Tyler saw this as a challenge and without breaking eye contact picked up the tall glass and chugged it. 

Josh smiled triumphantly, nodding in approval before going back to the kitchen. 

“What the fuck?” Ryan mumbles, looking up from his phone where he’d been relaying the information back to Brendon.  
Tyler shrugged like it was nothing. “It was a challenge- I had to accept.”  
Tyler then leaned across the table and gave Ryan a pat on the shoulder, “Thanks for the orange juice though, I think I do feel a little better.” 

The brunch went on as usual afterwards, with Ryan ordering another avo and salmon on toast while Tyler ate one of Jenna’s homemade blackberry pies. Ryan tried to encourage Tyler to eat something more nutritious, but in the end just made a mental note to drop off some fresh groceries at his house later in the day. 

The two parted ways soon after, but Tyler wasn’t in a rush to leave, instead he slipped by Jenna and went into the crew room to find Josh while he was on his break. Jenna knew who Josh was and had a feeling that this was going to happen, so as long as the two weren’t going to get violent in the eyesight of customers, she was fine with it. Plus, she trusted that Tyler would pay for any damages, just like he had last time.

So when Tyler wandered straight into the crew room like he owned the place, Josh was more than a little surprised.

“I know you- you think you’re tough shit but you can’t just walk back here.” Josh stuttered, closing his notebook.  
Tyler crossed his arms,his demeanor withdrawn but not hostile. “Actually I can. I’ve known Jenna a lot longer than you, Joshua.”  
“Stop acting like you know everything about me. Anyways, why are you here?”  
“I don’t-” Tyler stopped himself, instead rolling his eyes and sitting in the seat across from Josh. Underneath the table their knees were pressed together and the obnoxious tapping of Tyler’s rosary beads resumed once he pulled them out of pocket.  
“I’m here to make a treaty, but really the decision’s on you.” Tyler paused, taking his time to explain the situation.  
“Look, man, I have a twenty-minute break and you’ve just taken up half of that. Move along.” Josh huffed.  
“I’m sure that Jenna wouldn’t mind,” Tyler said calmly. “This is Ryan and I’s special place, it’s one of the only places that we can hang out and not be seen by the media.”  
“How does this involve me at all?”  
“Because,” Tyler rolled his eyes and the smooth beads grazed Josh’s knees. “You are a journalist, the kind of people that force us to stop coming here. Even if you hate me, don’t do that to Ryan.” 

The atmosphere dropped a little when Tyler’s large ego wavered to show the desperation he had to be able to stay in the cafe without the stress of the media.

“The media never gives people like Ryan and myself a break, please don’t take this place- this security- away from me.” Tyler pleaded with an unfitting amount of distress.  
Josh stared at Tyler with a look of disbelief, which turned to offence. “I’m not here to ruin your life. Believe it or not, I can actually separate real life from what I do for a living.”  
Hurt flashed through Tyler’s mocha eyes, but it was gone just as quickly. “Alright. Alright. I’ll take that as an agreement.”

Tyler slowly started to stand and as he used the table to help him up pain was evident across his features. Josh got up at the same time, appearing concerned. “I can seriously find you some painkillers, man. You don’t look too hot.”  
Tyler smirked, but his body was tense. “You think I usually look hot? Thanks, Joshua.” Tyler played it off, stretching his back as he slipped the mahogany rosary beads back into his pocket.  
Josh rolls his eyes at Tyler’s comment, sitting back down and opened his notebook again. “Bye now, Tyler.”

Tyler waved with one hand, using the other to readjust his sunglasses.”See you next Tuesday, Joshua.”

Well he was just hanging around  
Then he fell in love  
And he didn't know how  
But he couldn't get out  
-Panic! At The Disco, When the Day Met the Night

As Ryan pulled up out front of Brendon’s house in his 1980s Mitsubishi Mirage, it was simple compared to Brendon’s car, but then again wasn’t that pretty accurate? He looked over towards the front door only to see it open before a group of three, two women and a man, make their way out of the home. They were glowing with post-sex euphoria and Ryan was rather ashamed that he was barely even phased.

He needed to stop acting like he and Brendon had a serious relationship.

Ryan waited for the group to disappear from his line of sight, trying to appear occupied by his phone before getting out quickly and using his spare key to get into the house. He made a bee-line for Brendon’s bedroom, listening to the soft hum of a shower running through the house’s pipes. 

Being used to the situation at hand, Ryan began to clean up the bedroom. Although it absolutely wasn’t his job, Ryan found comfort in looking after Brendon. He never even thought to bat an eyelash as he picked up underwear, threw out used condoms or carry dirty sheets to the laundry room.

Only once everything was to Ryan’s satisfaction did he hear the shower turn off. Brendon was still nowhere to be seen, most likely fussing over his appearance for no one but himself. But that was the way Ryan liked it in times like these. He began to look in Brendon’s drawers, though they were really the ones reserved for Ryan’s things, until he found the answer to all his prayers. A smooth, glassy bong graced Ryan’s needy fingers, and he was quick to pack a bowl and smoke it, letting the burning air rest in his chest for a few moments. 

“You always start without me.” Brendon hummed, sitting behind Ryan and rubbing his back gently as the older boy coughed. Ryan leaned back into the oh-so-comforting touch, sighing. “I didn’t think we did many things together anymore, Brend.” Brendon furrowed his brows, asking “Are you feeling left out baby? You said you didn’t want to be involved.”  
“No, no don’t worry about what I said. I’m just a bit fuzzy.” Ryan mumbled, passing the bong to Brendon and laying back.

Brendon took a long hit after receiving it from Ryan, coughing on the smoke before putting it down and wrapping his arms around Ryan. He relaxed against the side of the bed, rocking Ryan side to side as the older boy’s head continued to lay slack against Brendon’s chest. Ryan hated Brendon sometimes but he knew that no one else could soothe him in situations like now. Not even Tyler.

“Did you know that Josh got a job at Jenna’s?” Ryan asked, his voice soft.  
“Of course, he’s been buzzing about it all week.” Brendon smiled gently, trailing his fingertips across Ryan’s side gently. “It’s good to see the kid get out here, you know how he gets when he doubts himself.”  
Ryan shivered against Brendon’s touch. “Yeah, I know. Tyler freaked out a little… a lot.”  
“Oh yeah? What kinda scene did he make this time?”  
“He just got a fright, that’s all,” Ryan said defensively. “You know how much he hates journalists, and he doesn’t mean to make scenes. He’s just a poet who only knows how to use his words if he has a tune to go with them.”  
Brendon finds himself distracted from the conversation at hand, beginning to ramble. “You’re my poet, huh? ‘S cute. I like your words.”

Ryan sighed, not taking offence when he recognised Brendon’s daftness to just be his ADHD. And the weed in their systems. “You do? What about that part of Nearly Witches that I thought you didn’t like?”  
“They’re just dumb, baby. I’d sound gay singing them.” Brendon laughs softly, resting his hand on Ryan’s waist.  
Ryan couldn’t laugh along, Brendon’s words hurt enough to cause a dull pain in his chest even though he was stoned. “Brendon, don’t you think that the way we’re cuddling now is a little gay?”  
Brendon shrugged. “Nobody has to know about you and me, don’t worry.”  
Ryan dared to ask: “But what if… I want people to know?”  
Brendon couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you crazy, Ry? Don’t play with me like that.”  
“I’m not kidding, Brend.” Ryan twisted to press the side of his face into Brendon’s chest. “I want to hold your hand in public.”

Brendon lifted his hand to soothe his fingers through Ryan’s hair, sighing. “That’s a lot for me, Ry. Give me some time to think about it, okay? For the band.”  
Ryan’s body relaxed in hopelessness. “I trust you.”  
Brendon grins. “Atta boy.” He hums, brushing Ryan’s hair away to kiss the nape of his neck. And so the boys laid in a comfortable silence, filled with thought and want.

Though struggling, Ryan kept his walls built up until the moment Brendon’s breathing slowed against his neck. He pulled out his phone and went straight to his notes app. Ryan found his eyes began to water as he writes down his thoughts. He wrote a song of being in love and being in fear, describing the pain he felt through a beautiful chorus. Ryan called Brendon the moon, who paled his bright sun. 

He wanted to scream to the world that he’s trapped, to beg for someone to take Brendon out of his life, yet he felt like he belonged in those strong arms which held him close. And so he couldn’t deny that if someone would try to take Brendon away he would kick and scream and beg for him to come back. 

Brendon did not feel for Ryan in the same way that Ryan loved him and he knew that he never would. Brendon was a stoner, an alcoholic, and borderline hyper sexual- how could you expect someone like that to be faithful?

He felt Tyler slipped back into his mind. Tyler was so good at surviving without physical comfort and sex, not like Ryan. You couldn’t deny that Tyler too also relied on others, but not like Ryan did with Brendon. Tyler was cowardly but he was also as tough as anything, he was so closed off from others that he did not have the opportunities to fall into bad relationships. 

Ryan shook his head, he didn’t want to be like Tyler. He just wanted to stop loving Brenon as much as he did- he wanted to stop needing people to comfort him. Maybe Brendon was right, perhaps he was too emotional for his own good. 

Ryan turned around in Brendon’s arms, shaking the younger boy gently. “Brend?”  
“Mmph.” Brendon groaned, pushing Ryan away gently which hurt Ryan more than he’d ever say.  
“Wake up, c’mon.” Ryan begs. “I need some air, come for a walk? Please?”  
Brendon sighed through pursed lips and nodded gently. “If I have to.”  
“You do. I’ll quit the band if you don’t.”  
“Shut up, Ryan.”

And so the two separated, with Brendon getting dressed and Ryan watching from the edge of the bed. Once Brendon was ready Ryan got up, leading him out. 

Brendon was incredibly lucky. His lavish mansion was surrounded by the beautiful hills of Los Angeles. The crisp early Winter air bit at the boy’s cheeks as they walked through the streets. Ryan, filled with hope, reached for Brendon’s hand and held it by his side. 

The moment was short-lived when Brendon pulled his hand away, telling Ryan that “You can never be sure when paparazzi might show up.” Ryan only nodded and stared down at his beat-up Converse. 

“You sound kind of like Tyler when you say stuff like that.”  
Brendon chuckled. “Ouch.”  
Ryan laughed with him but he wasn’t joking, although Brendon was confident he tended to have a large amount of paranoia, just like Tyler.

He didn’t wear disguises, but he was always looking over his shoulder to make sure that they weren’t being followed. The paparazzi had him on a leash. 

There was a lot that Ryan was unsure about, but one thing that he did know was that Brendon has forced him onto some pretty thin ice. Ryan had thought about it before, and while the murky water below the ice was daunting, the thought of being free from the heat was intriguing. 

“I think that Spencer and Jon were planning to come over later today to work on the new album. We also have that meet and greet with fans coming up soon.” Ryan reminded Brendon.  
Brendon groaned and Ryan frowned, “You don’t want to talk to our fans or you don’t want to see your friends?” He asked.  
“I just want to relax for a while. Chill out, smoke, go to a few parties, you know?” Brendon complained.  
Ryan huffed, “You’ve been ‘relaxing’ for months, Bren. All you’ve been doing is smoking, partying and sleeping on repeat for too long.”  
“You can’t tell me what to do. I’m the voice of the band.” 

Ryan scoffed, hurt digging into his core.

“What you sing are my words.”  
“I can find someone who can write just as well as you do. Hell, I bet even I could.”  
Ryan stopped walking and turned to look Brendon dead in the eyes.  
“If you’re going to act like this, I don’t think I want to walk with you anymore.” 

What Ryan said may have sounded simple, but the threat was so much deeper. This was the first time that Ryan had voiced his doubts in staying with the band. By not wanting to walk with Brendon, he meant that he wanted to walk out.


	4. 3. Adoration

Okay, Josh Dun wasn’t a fan of Joseph (anymore), and he wasn’t a stalker either. When he was asked by his boss to go to one of his concerts he couldn’t just say: ‘Sorry boss, I don’t like the guy.’ so he found himself on a plane headed straight for Columbus, Ohio, a place he never thought he’d go back to, only hours before Tyler’s gig began. From what he heard, the venue was incredibly small and only held about 300 people, but it was one of Tyler’s favourite venues.

Josh knew that Tyler came from Columbus so it only made sense that the detached singer had so many one-off shows in his hometown where he felt safe. Josh had a different view on their shared hometown but still wanted to get a good story. Still, that didn’t stop people from travelling interstate from all over America to see his gigs, and Josh was glad that he had a staff-pass which gave him the chance to steal a spot near the barricade. However, that gave him a harder task: Try Not To Be Seen By Tyler Joseph. 

The guy was dramatic and Josh was sure that the majority of his patriotic supporters would gladly tear Josh apart limb by limb if Tyler was to give them the command. He better be getting a raise for this.

Before the gig started, Josh found himself loitering around the merch table. He felt like he had transported back to his teen years, excited to be in a crowd listening to an artist tear their heart out on stage as he knew Tyler would do. The boy was eccentric like that. He didn’t just sing, he performed. Josh pulled out his wallet, exchanging some money for an interesting yellow ‘twenty one pilots’ (Tyler’s touring band) shirt. He decided to change into that shirt when he got to a bathroom, thinking it would help him blend into the crowd.

Josh watched as fans began to trickle through, then he joined the flow and landed a spot off to the side pressed against the barrier, the pressure only building up as more fans surged towards the front. Minutes later, all of the lights shut off, the only light source now being a soft yellow glow coming from lights below the stage. Teenagers around him cried out in excitement when silhouettes could be seen drifting across the stage, moving blindly through the dark but knowing the stage as well as their palms.

As soon as the low g chord escaped the piano, the crowd shivered even though the room was already growing hot. Tyler Joseph repeated the melody instead of starting the song, of course taking his time and most likely enjoying the feeling of his fans desperation.

“Joining me tonight is Nick Thomas on bass and Chris Salih on the drums. You know them. You love them, but I hope not as much as me.” Tyler chuckled, his mouth against the microphone.  
“This song is called Drown, I hope that you like it.” His smooth voice echoed through the darkness and as Tyler finally began to sing, deep blue lights lit up the room. 

Tyler spoke the words flawlessly, owning the piano without even needing to open his eyes. Instead, he basked in the sounds which he created, soaking in the sound of the words being returned to him by fans.

Josh felt his breath stuck in his throat, mesmerised by the simple yet effective stage presence Tyler exuded. He found himself desperate to scream along, feeling the weight of every word that passed Tyler’s lips, just as much as Josh did when he was younger. Josh looked to his side, admiring the effect Tyler had on his listeners.

When Tyler got to rap, Josh could no longer act professional and found himself mumbling along to the words. He found a sense of pride and surprise in the fact that he made no mistakes- unlike many of the diehard fans around him which stumbled over the fast spoken words. After that party back in 2007, Josh had closed himself off from Tyler’s live performances completely.

The information you could pick up from Tyler’s live shows was better than anything you could try to claw out in an interview.

Josh found himself shocked by how many untapped emotions were finally showing when Tyler played. He wasn’t showing off his skill, he was giving himself away to his fans and digging into the darkest parts of his soul in an attempt to connect with those who were troubled like himself. Josh couldn’t deny it, even though he swore his hatred for Tyler so long ago, he listened to twenty one pilots’ first album as soon as it was released.

When Johnny Boy began to play, it was set at a faster pace than Drown had been. The main reason as to why Josh noticed him was that every movement made by the fans behind him pulsed through the crowd and shoved him into the barriers again and again. Josh didn’t have a problem with it, it was fun. It was just that most of the shows he had been sent to, he had been given private balcony seats above the crowd so that he could ‘focus’ or something like that.

But Josh found himself having a blast at this concert, bellowing the lyrics in a chorus lead by his greatest enemy. 

Fall away and Blasphemy flew by too fast for Josh to process and he found himself worried that the flashing lights would make him forget the mental notes he had taken. Josh had to keep reminding himself that he was at the concert for work and that if he came back empty-handed there would be hell to pay. But when the melody of Addict With a Pen began to vibrate through the amps and Josh’s body he knew that his focus was gone.

Josh had heard the song multiple times before, but there was something about the way that Tyler presented it live which made Josh’s heart strain behind his ribs. He held onto the cool metal of the barricade, gripping hard as if he would disappear if he let go. 

Josh wanted to live in this moment forever, he could feel the vibrations pound through his collarbones, and he was unsure if the crackling in his ears were the sounds of the amps or his eardrums failing, he could no longer hear himself think over the waves of volume flowing forward into the stage but he wasn’t scared to be heard. With his shoulders pressed to those of the people beside him, Josh felt at home.

The breath left Josh’s lungs as soon as it entered, along with the pain in his throat as he sang along to every lyric. Due to his heightened senses, the flood of nostalgia from a time Josh would rather forget and the pure sentiment Tyler radiated Josh felt his cheeks begin to go damp as soft tears streamed down. He was completely overcome by the music and felt no embarrassment, clinging to every word like it was Gospel. 

As the song drew to a close Josh pulled up the hem of his shirt to wipe the tears from his face, glad that he wasn’t the only one half-way to a breakdown. However, when he looked up, his breath was stolen once again when he saw intimate mocha eyes staring straight into his. Josh’s cheeks burnt from the all too familiar embarrassment of being caught by Tyler Joseph, especially in such a bizarre scenario.

With a burst of courage, Josh reaches his hand out as far as he can just like the fans around him, desperate to touch Tyler’s hand. He longed for reassurance that it was okay for him to be there. Josh’s ears pounded along with his heart the moment that Tyler kneeled down.  
“Can you hold these for me? I forgot to put them away.” Tyler spoke for Josh’s ears only, winking at him. Their fingertips graze lightly as Josh pulls the rosary beads close to him quickly, nodding to Tyler in promise. 

Tyler brushed his hand along a few others’ before standing up again and grasping the mic. “For those who find comfort in chaos, we’re shaking things up tonight. The setlist says this next track should be Trapdoor, but I’m really feeling Air Catcher right now.” He crowed into the microphone, glancing back at Josh.

Tyler was a totally different person when he was on stage, his walls came down to reveal his raw emotions but more surprisingly he treated Josh like a friend. There was also the outstanding chanting chorused by the crowd who was swallowed by loud sounds and brilliant light displays. Man, Josh really did miss Tyler’s concerts back in 2007. Josh forced that thought back out of his mind, he didn’t want to think about how Tyler had treated him back at the party.

He wanted to stick with this Tyler, who whenever he didn’t need his piano he would get up and close to the crowd, letting the force of their energy crash over him. Josh realised that he was wrong about how he’d seen Tyler. The Tyler that he remembered was still here, the only difference was that Josh knew him better as a stuck up singer and less of his stage persona. But maybe, just maybe, the stage persona he displayed was the real Tyler Joseph after all.

Josh held no suspicion as to why Tyler had chosen this song over the other one, perhaps it was about Jenna? The two were close and she was a very pretty girl, just not Josh’s type.

Being distracted by his train of thought, Josh almost didn’t notice the prodding fingers of the girl next to him trying to get his attention. He turns to her, smiling gently. “Are you alright?” He asks over the music. 

“Would you grab my arm? I wanna tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel!” The girl tried, passing Josh a receipt with her number on the back. Josh giggled, his cheeks warm as she slipped it into his back pocket. “Aw, I’m sorry. I’m not really- I’m not interested in relationships right now..”   
“Dude, come on. Do you not know how to have fun?” She huffed.  
“Hey, I’m sorry but I said I’m not interested,” Josh replied with a nervous edge in his voice.  
“I’m not looking for a dedicated relationship, dude. Just someone for tonight.”  
Josh rolled his eyes, “And I’m trying to enjoy this concert.”

The girl sighed and squeezed his toned bicep with a sly smile. “Whatever, the singer looks like a fag anyway.”  
Josh stared at her in shock, completely dumbfounded by what she had said about Tyler before he shrugged his arm out of her grasp. 

“Excuse me miss, but if you continue to bug that young man I may have security escort you out,” Tyler spoke up into the microphone, putting his song on hold.   
The girl glared, now embarrassed and feeling the need to defend herself. “I didn’t do anything- this creep was coming onto me.”   
“Honey, you’re right in front of the stage. For someone who looks like a ‘faggot’, I’m not stupid. Now, excuse me but could you please leave? I would like to continue my show now.” Tyler said with a familiar bitchy smile. 

Josh wasn’t surprised when the furious girl refused to leave the venue and eventually had to be lifted over the barrier and escorted out by security for causing a fuss.

“Sorry, that took so long. Now for the last song tonight, I would like to play you something new.” Tyler said, acting as if that situation had not phased him, but Josh noticed the slight tremble in his hands on the piano. “I’m thinking of calling this song Holding On To You and I wouldn’t have been able to write it until a special someone invaded my life.”

While the crowd didn’t know any of the words, the aura that it gave off was strong enough the have everyone moving to the beat and forgetting about the drama from minutes ago- even Josh. Josh had no idea what the song was about, or who it was for, even when Tyler would sing some lines with a bitchy tone and look straight at Josh. Josh was even more confused when Tyler began to climb down from the stage during an instrumental break. Tyler talked to the security guards quickly before they lifted him over the barricade. 

The whole pit erupted into a pleasant chaos as Tyler tried to hold onto as many people as possible, asking those underneath to “Please hold tight.” So he didn’t fall. Josh assumed that Tyler was deliberately just out of reach of him as he began to sing the chorus, locking his gaze with Josh’s before looking at the sea of fans beneath him. As the song drew to a close, Tyler thanked each and every fan that helped him back to the stage. 

Tyler took a bow alongside Chris and Nick before thanking them for joining him and thanking the crowd for being so amazing throughout the show. Tyler then took his leave to backstage and Josh was dragged away with the rest of the crowd, still trapped in a dizzy haze of adrenaline. Josh didn’t catch Tyler after the show to give him back his rosary beads, which made him both glad and irritated at the same time. 

Josh figured that Tyler would be spending the night in Columbus, so he instead made his way back to the airport and caught his flight back to LA. Unlike Tyler, he had nothing to stay for in his hometown. However, instead of going back to his shared home with Brendon he got a taxi to Ryan’s house. The two weren’t really friends but they could stand one another and shared a lot of mutual respect towards each other’s work. For over a year now Josh had been spending time at Ryan’s suite at a large highrise building near the coast, here he could write without Brendon distracting him, and the ocean view was nice to relieve writer’s block.

“Dude, why are you wearing a Twenty One Pilots shirt?” Ryan asked after opening the door.  
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.” Josh nods  
Ryan looked down and noticed Tyler’s rosary beads wrapped around the male’s hand, “I see, just like how you finally got around to killing Tyler?”  
Josh smiles triumphantly. “You get it!”

Ryan stepped aside and let Josh come in and dump his bag onto the coffee table, Josh was just happy to be able to put that thing down after lugging it around for hours. He could have just left it at Brendon’s and picked it up before he went to Ryan’s, but Josh liked to be quick and write on the plane while the memories were still fresh in his mind.

Ryan went back to his room so Josh just set up his workspace. Josh’s mind was buzzing with every bit of information he could muster. He wrote about the brilliant stage lighting and the way that his fans ate it up, he talked about the ways that Tyler performed and compared it to his performances back in 2007 and earlier. He continued writing about the emotion Tyler displayed and the depth that his songs held, even daring to write about how emotional it made himself. Josh was writing for hours without a single decrease in his acceleration, even refusing the food that Ryan tried to make him stop and eat. 

Finally, he got to the part where ‘someone near him was being harassed by a girl’ and how concerned Tyler was for the safety and comfort of his fans in the pit. He moved on to talk about why ‘Tyler referred to himself as looking like faggot’ and how the girl had referred to him with that word- he wasn’t being homophobic. Josh even found himself changing direction and talking about gender boundaries, specifically how more seriously the situation would have been viewed if it was a woman being harassed by a man.

Finally, Ryan spoke up again. “If you don’t come out of there I’ll tell Tyler that you’re here.”  
Josh spun around on his chair and gave Ryan the stink eye.   
“Come on, I got us some Chinese food from your favourite place down the street,” Ryan said with a small, friendly smile.  
“You’re evil.”Josh grinned, saving the document before finally getting up and stretching his back.

Josh and Ryan went out to the kitchen, deciding to sit on the sofa with their food. Josh put on the TV, glad to lose his focus in some shitty sitcoms while they ate.   
“How’s the article coming along?” Ryan hummed.  
“Basically finished, I might send it tonight. Do you wanna read it over for me?” Josh asked, to which Ryan nodded. 

Josh got up, going to grab his laptop before returning to the sofa and passing the opened document to Ryan before losing himself in the TV once more. After Ryan read through the article and picked out one or two spelling errors, he handed it back to Josh who quickly sent it to his boss. Judging by the way that his phone began to blow up with notifications twenty or so minutes later his boss had forwarded it to be uploaded to their website pretty quickly.

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Josh questioned later.  
“Don’t doubt yourself, Josh, your boss loves everything you d-”  
“No- I mean Tyler…” Josh mumbles, fidgeting with the beads again.  
“Do you want my nice opinion or my honest one?” Ryan asked slowly.  
“...Honest?”   
“I think that everyone will love it… except for Tyler.” Ryan shrugged.   
Josh sighed before nodding. “I guess so.”  
Ryan moved closer to Josh. “You know how he is. You insult him, he’ll get mad. You compliment him, he’ll find something to get mad at.”  
Josh groaned, closing the beads in his palm. “He’s such a loser.”  
Ryan wasn’t even offended on behalf of his friend. “Yeah, he is. You learn to love it though, he’s a good person.”

Josh just stared at the TV, lost in a train of thought with his cheeks rosy.   
Ryan figured that the conversation was over, but when he looked over at Josh and saw the pink tint in his cheeks a grin slowly began to spread across his face.   
Josh looked back at Ryan. “What?”  
Ryan shook his head, laughing to himself, “Don’t worry about it, Josh.”  
“No, come on! You’re laughing at me!” Josh pouts. “Please?” He begs, dragging out the ‘e’ sound.  
“Fine, fine, whatever. I just find it cute that Tyler makes you blush so much, even when he’s in another state.”  
Josh shoved Ryan’s shoulder and laughed. “I’m not blushing! You’re crazy.”

“You’re crazy about Tyler!” Ryan cried out with a wild look in his eyes, jumping up from the couch.   
“Shut up!” Josh squeaked, lunging after Ryan and tackling him back onto the couch. “You know nothing!”  
“Oh, Tyler! I hate him so much! I hate his cute hair and pretty eyes! What scum!” Ryan impersonated Josh, trying and failing to push him off.  
“He’s not pretty! I hate him so much!” Josh giggles, straddling Ryan so that he was stuck. “Just admit you’re wrong!”  
Ryan grunted while straining to wriggle out of Josh’s grip. “Do your worst, Josh!” He grinned, showing his teeth. 

A sound coming from the door alerted the two and they both glanced over only to see Tyler standing at the door with a pile of snacks in a spilled plastic bag lying in his feet. The boy stared at the sight in front of him for a while longer before his face turned beet red and he turned around to quickly make his leave.

“Wait- Wait no! It- It’s not what you think it is!” Josh squeaked, falling off of Ryan and onto the carpet with a thud. “Fuck…”  
“Oh, I think I understand, actually. Romancing the enemy behind my back, Ryan. Not cool, man.” Tyler looked back at Ryan, who had now sat up. “On the contrary, Tyler, I was trying to explain to ‘the enemy’.” Ryan said with air quotes, “That he has-” Ryan was quickly shut up when Josh threw the closest item, a throw pillow from the couch, at his head.  
“That he has what? My rosary beads? I think I’d like them back now.”  
Josh stared at Tyler, using all the willpower he had in his body to stop himself from shaking his head. It took a moment, but he held out the beads silently.

Tyler walked over in quick paces but then hesitated to take them back when he saw how Josh’s mood had been changed, but he did so anyway. Ryan watched the two silently, feeling confused by the walls between the two when Josh so obviously was sick of being Tyler’s enemy.

“So.” Tyler slipped the beads into his pocket. “What were you two doing and why is he even here?”   
“Josh comes here to write, cause I’m obviously good at helping people focus, unlike his housemate. And we were bonding.” Ryan smiled.  
Tyler raised his eyebrows at the two but sighed and shook his head, reaching down to pick up the bag he had dropped. “Nice shirt, by the way.”   
“Thanks!” Josh grinned proudly.  
Tyler rolled his eyes before putting the snacks down on the counter, “Ryan I’m using your bathroom.” He stated before disappearing down the hall.

“Sorry if I embarrassed you.” Ryan apologised sheepishly.   
Josh shrugged, smiling gently. “You’re fine, man. Let’s not talk about this again though.” Josh got up from the floor finally, sitting back on the couch.  
The two settled into a comfortable silence in front of the tv, actually forgetting that Tyler was even there until he let out a dramatic shriek several minutes later.

“Joshua Dun! What do you have to say about this?” Tyler cried as he stormed back into the living room with his phone in hand.  
“I wasn’t just following your tour, it’s my job…” Josh mumbled, looking down.  
“Who do you think I am? Some amateur who can’t take criticism?”  
“Are- Are you serious?” Josh huffed, looking back up. “It was a good concert, I wrote about my experience. Are you actually mad?”  
“You don’t like me, Joshua. What’s the catch here? Do you want me to give you a blowjob or something?” Tyler hissed.  
“You’re so stuck up! You don’t like me! I only distance myself from you because of how you treat me. You know what? You’re fucking horrible.” Josh got up, storming off to Ryan’s bedroom and slamming the door for dramatic effect. 

Tyler wasn’t going to lie, that hurt a little… a lot. He pulled his rosary beads out his pocket and tangled them in his fingers, sitting down next to Ryan and rolling his eyes.  
“Gosh, did you see what he did there? Trying to make me look like a villain?” Tyler scoffed.  
“Ty, he was being genuinely nice and you’re overreacting.”   
“No, I’m not.” Tyler shifted so he was facing Ryan. “Why do you even let him into your house? He’s such a faggot.”

The room was filled with silence before it erupted in the sound of skin hitting skin. Ryan stared at Tyler, his hand still in the air after slapping him across the face.  
Tyler stared back at Ryan with wide eyes, his cheek red and numb from the force that Ryan had used to slap him with. Tyler then thought back to what he had said, and more importantly what word he had used, instantly feeling guilty. 

“Oh my gosh, Ryan. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to get so carried away.” Tyler apologised sincerely, his eyes going glassy.  
Ryan nodded slowly. “You’re not forgiven but I’m sorry for slapping you. It was an instinct. I thought that sober Tyler was meant to be nice.”  
Tyler accepted that “I know. I shouldn’t have said that- fuck.” 

Tyler rocked back on the couch, dragging his fingers through his hair and pressing his palms into his closed eyes. This is not how he wanted this night to go, he was a bad person and it was starting to fall out of his control. He had never used a slur like that towards someone else, especially not in Ryan’s presence. The pair sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while. 

“You’ve had a long day, Ty. I think it’s time for bed.” Ryan said quietly.  
Tyler nodded, glancing at the clock, it was 4 a.m. “I’m going to go check on Joshua first.” He stated, slipping off of the couch and over to Ryan’s bedroom.

Tyler gently knocked before slowly pushing the door open. Josh was laying over Ryan’s sheets, wearing the other boy’s hoodie with the shirt he was previously wearing on the floor. The younger boy was fast asleep, holding onto a pillow instead of resting his head on it. Tyler was glad that the younger was asleep as he sat down on the edge of Ryan’s bed. 

“I’m sorry about what I said, and what I called you… even though you weren’t there to hear it. I don’t actually have anything against gay people, it’s just something that was forced into my mind by my parents since I was a kid. But I know that they’re wrong.” Tyler sighed, confiding in the ‘sleeping’ Josh.

“I used to be like that,” Josh said quietly, keeping his eyes closed. “My parents were the same.”   
Tyler flinched when he heard Josh speak up, but already had a feeling that he was awake once he’d first entered the bedroom.   
“You’re not very good at fake-sleeping.” Tyler tried to joke, in an attempt to lower his nerves.  
“You’re not very good at venting to sleeping bodies.” Josh smiled softly.   
Tyler let out an airy laugh, shaking his head gently. “Yeah, I’m not very good at this.”   
Tyler paused and fiddled with his rosary beads. “I don’t think that I hate you.”  
“You don’t think so? I’m glad, Joseph.” Josh hummed, pressing his face into the pillow.  
Josh was shoved by Tyler, and at first, was annoyed until he realised that Tyler was only making room so that he could lay down next to him. Tyler could have easily fitted onto the queen-sized bed, but he wanted to make a subtle attempt to lay closer to Josh.

“Why don’t you hate me, Joshua? Why were you singing along at the concert?” Tyler rolled onto his side to face Josh. “Why did you cry?”  
Josh sighs, rolling over to face him too. “Don’t worry about it, man. I used to listen to your music, it’s no big deal.” The younger boy smiled gently, avoiding the real answer.  
Tyler knew that there was more to what Josh revealed but his answer satisfied him anyway. “That makes me happy.” Josh just smiled tiredly in return. “Goodnight.”


	5. 4. Excitement

“Your fans deserve to know more about you, sir.” Tyler’s manager, Evan told him before adding, “You saw how well Dun’s concert review went. I think it would be a perfect opportunity to get closer to your fans.”  
“There’s no way in hell I’m doing an interview with someone as extensive as Joshua Dun.”

Now, don’t misread the situation, Tyler and Josh no longer classified each other as enemies, but he was still a journalist and there was no way that Tyler would submit himself to that kind of toture for however long the interview would go for.

“Mister Joseph, your fans have been sending emails and fan mail for months now, begging for an interview. Especially one with none other than Josh Dun. He’s one of the most famous interviewers right now, and he’s a crowd favourite.”   
“That doesn’t change everything, you know how I am. How much are they offering anyway?” Tyler asked skeptically.  
“That’s the thing, Mister Joseph.” Evan said. “Josh Dun wants to do it for free, no cash gain for you or him.”  
Tyler frowed, “What does that even mean? What’s he playing at?”  
Evan sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t exactly know, Sir. But I’ve already agreed that you’ll do it and we have to be there in about 40nminnnutes.”   
Tyler looked at Evan with a look that could kill, looking him up and down as if he were deciding then and there if he should fire Evan or not.   
“If this interview goes bad, Evan. I’ll be having a cab come to pick you up, and you’ll never speak to me again.” Tyler spat before hanging up on the young manager.  
Evan just sighed, he knew the risks when he’d accepted the interview, and he had faith that Josh wouldn’t unintentionally cripple his entire career.

“You’re lucky that I’m letting us pre-record this instead of doing this live.” Josh said, sliding into the chair opposite Tyler.

To the side of them was an outstanding amount of technology used solely for recording audio and Tyler was a little impressed by how Josh used it so easily. Between them was two microphones which were attached to contraptions which made them simple to move. 

“Is that a threat, Joshua?” Tyler asked bitterly.  
“No, I just don’t want you to make a fool of yourself on live radio again.” Josh bantered.   
“What-“ Before Tyler could finish Josh raised a hand and mouthed a countdown.

Tyler huffed and leaned back in his chair like a child as the station light turned red, indicating that the recording had started. 

“Hello listeners and welcome back to my 3pm show, today I am joined by none other than the elusive Tyler Joseph.”  
Tyler leaned forward into the mic. “Actually, it’s… 8:43am right now.”   
“That, my friends, is a lie.” Josh hummed.  
“Is not, don’t trust him. I’m the guest anyway.” Tyler rolled his eyes, not making the interview anything close to easy for Josh.  
Josh took a moment to think before continuing. “Okay, whatever you say, Joseph. I think a good question to ask in this interview, something light, is: why are you wearing sunglasses inside?”   
“Habit.” Was all Tyler replies with, adjusting the position of them on the bridge of his nose.   
Josh leaned away from the microphone, sighing quietly. 

Tyler just folded his arms across his and gave Josh a challenging look, eager to see how long the younger male would be able to withstand his stubbornness.  
“So, Tyler, are you planning on releasing any music with your band in the near future?” Josh glared at Tyler.   
“What band?” Tyler asked with a fauned innocent look.   
“Only a fan favourite, Twenty One Pilots!” Josh grinned.  
Tyler placed a hand on his chest and smiled, “Awh, Joshua really knows how to use unique compliments.”   
Josh reverted back to glaring at Tyler. “That was an interesting compliment from you.”  
“I’m just an interesting person. Not that anyone knows about my insane experiences, well, maybe Ryan Ross.”  
“Oh, Ryan Ross?” Josh started, a mischievous smile strewn across his face. “You two are so close, is there anything you’d like to announce to us?” 

Tyler’s smile faltered when he realised that ‘interviewer Josh’ wasn’t really friends with Ryan. He went to make a witty comment in an attempt to cover his tracks but after hearing Josh’s next question he gawked at him in horror.  
“We- We can cut out anything that makes you uncomfortable.” Josh promised after watching Tyler’s face fall. 

Tyler only gave Josh a stony look, wringing his hands together in his lap. “I’m sorry to any male fans out there who may be desperately in love with me. But from the influence of my religion, mostly, I am not one to contrive romantic feelings towards other men.”   
“How big was the influence of religion in your upbringing? And do you think that it shaped your future?”

Tyler would never admit it, but he trusted Josh, and the promise he made earlier comforted him. “Greatly. My family is Christian and it was a massive part of my life as I grew up. While I can’t deny that I am not a sinner, there are a few things which are terrifying for me. I think that’s because of being Christian.”  
Josh nodded in thought.“How much of your song-writing would you say has a Christian undertone?”  
Tyler leaned back on his chair, this was music, this was tolerable. “I think that the majority of songs from No Phun Intended are highly influenced by Christianity, but not so much in Twenty One pilots. It’s there, but I think that now I’m out of that hole I was in a few years ago my mindset has changed.”   
“There’s been a lot of speculation that a few recent songs have been written about someone. Is there a special person in your life right now?” 

Tyler bit his lip and went quiet for a long time. He wasn’t the type to give information like this away so easy, why was Josh making him feel so calm about it?   
“All I can say is that this person is someone who I think I messed up my chances with a long time ago.” He finally admitted in a hushed voice.  
Josh frowned for more reasons than he’d like to say. “That sucks, man.”  
“Uhm- Anyways! Uh… yeah…” Josh mumbled, stumped.  
Tyler licked his lips again and readjusted his sunglasses for the millionth time before shooting Josh a toothy smile. “Sorry Joshua, but I think that’s all you’re going to get from me today.”  
“That’s a positive way to put it, something tells me you’ll be back on this show sooner than later.”  
Tyler laughed sincerely, “Don’t test your luck.” 

Tyler waited until Josh ended the recording before pulling off his headphones and dropping them on the table. He sighed loudly and raked his fingers through his messy hair, still refusing to take his sunglasses off.  
“That was quite possibly my shortest interview. Ever.” Josh stated, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know what to ask you, Joseph.”  
“Well, Joshua, that was the most I’ve ever told anyone besides Ryan.” Tyler laughed nervously, gnawing at his bottom lip. 

Tyler then quickly stood up from his seat, shaking out his hands anxiously. “I’m going to go outside and bum a cigarette before I go into cardiac arrest. Would you like to join me?”   
“I don’t- I don’t smoke. Addiction is easy, ya know.”Josh laughed and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, standing up.   
Tyler nodded, “Good, smoking is disgusting.”  
“But you just… Whatever, man. I’ll sit with you.”  
“You said it yourself Joshua. ‘Addiction is easy’.” Tyler quoted him, flicking his jacket up before making his way towards the heavy wooden door leading out of the studio.   
Though he knew the studio like the back of his hand, Josh followed Tyler like a lost puppy. It was kind of surprising that Tyler found the exit pretty quick, he must have been eager to leave as soon as he came in.

The station was a cool place, the foyer had dark carpet which mirrored the black walls. Hanging from the roof were 80’s lights which emitted a soft red light. There were shelves by the door which held information on bands, magazines, music festivals and everything else you’d expect to find in the front office of an alternative music magazine and radio station. 

“Leaving already, you two?” A middle aged lady spoke up from the desk. She had bleached blonde hair curled into tight ringlets, the crown was clipped up while the rest fell over her shoulders. She wore a tight blue silk shirt which matched her colourful eyeshadow and bright pink lips. 

“Yeah, Mister Joseph wanted a smoke break.” Josh stopped to explain to the receptionist.   
She nodded, taking a drag of the cigarette which she held pinched between her fingers and thumb. “I’ve heard about you. You’re a tough one to crack, ain’t you?” She looked over to Tyler, her strong New Jersey accent a little hard to understand.  
Tyler was actually intimidated by this woman and it showed as he changed his posture to move his feet together and fold his hands together.   
“I’ve been told. Really I just think I’m irritating.” 

The woman cackled, her laugh loud and contagious. She looked old and in need of a holiday, but she was sweet. “I like you, Tyler. Too many people are way too eager to sell their lives to the media.”   
Tyler nodded, “I definitely agree.” He elbowed Josh in the side. “What’s your name, Miss?”   
“Isra.” She said with a smile, reaching out her hand over the desk for Tyler to shake.   
Isra’s appearance was captivating, she was so colourful that it was a little overwhelming like the sun, but if she closed one eye, it was easy to handle the brightness. He liked Isra.   
“You’re the first person I’ve met in a long while that hasn’t asked me what my net worth is in the first two minutes of talking.” Tyler jokes. Isra wasn’t offended, in fact she only laughed again.   
“Tyler, I’ve worked in this office for twelve years. I’ve seen hundreds of artists just as famous as you, and I can’t count on one hand how many have spotted to chat with me.” Isra said in a gentle voice. 

From the side, Josh watched the interaction with surprise as to how friendly Tyler was being to this woman. Then again, perhaps he had approached Tyler wrong when they’d met in 2007, and in 2009. Tyler was unpredictable and it was incredibly difficult to decipher his moods and thoughts. 

Like now, Tyler had been in such a closed-off mood during the interview but now he was chatting with Isra like they were old friends. Perhaps Josh would have to ask her for advice later on, you know, so he could improve his interviewing skills.

“Alright. I don’t want to hold you up any longer and the smoke from my cigarette is probably driving you mad.” Isra smiled.  
Tyler chuckled in reply, seeming hesitant to leave but nodding either way. “Yeah. I’ll see you around, Isra.” 

“How come you were nice to her straight right off the bat?” Josh mumbled, looking down at the ground.   
Tyler shrugged, making his way to the door. “Cause she treated me like a human being.”  
Josh frowned a bit, before smiling and nodding

Tyler didn’t speak up again as they made their way out of the reception area and back into the car park. He found a bench where he sat down, pulled up his hood and fumbled with a lighter until a cigarette was lit. Tyler took a long drag, letting the smoke ghost his lips before breathing it out fully.

Josh could only endure watching Tyler for so long before asking, “Can I have one?”   
“You said you didn’t want one before. Are you trying to stop?” Tyler asked, turning to Josh and blowing some into his face before quickly apologising.  
“No.. Can I have one or not?” Josh asked again.   
Tyler rolled his eyes. “I was just making sure, loser. Having someone break your streak sucks.” 

Tyler pulled another one out of the box and handed it to Josh, waiting until he put the smoke between his lips to light it up for him. Tyler kept pulling his hood back up and readjust his sunglasses, paranoid of being seen by other journalists that might be entering or leaving the radio and journalism station.

“You should calm d-“ Josh started before coughing awfully. “Motherfucker…”  
Tyler giggled at Josh and smiled teasingly , “Ametuer.”   
“Not my fault Brendon smokes all his fucking weed around me. I forgot they’re different.” Josh frowned.   
Tyler shrugged, “close enough. Do you smoke weed often?” He asked curiously.  
“No. I don’t.” He stated. “I guess hanging around Brendon counts though.”   
“Yeah, you’re right. All Ryan talks about is their smoking session together.”   
Josh sighs. “Brendon’s barely ever sober when Ryan’s home. I feel so bad for him.”

Tyler felt guilty, he was the same as Brendon most days but he still judged Brendon for it. Why? Cause the guy was horny and liked to party? Tyler was absolutely terrible.  
Tyler sat there quietly with his shoulders sagged and the cigarette tight between his lips as he stewed, forgetting that Josh was even there.

Josh had gotten the hang of smoking once more, taking a break to rest his head on Tyler’s shoulder comfortably. As soon as his head touched the other boy he was being pushed away just as fast.   
“Please, don’t touch me.” He said in a hushed voice.  
Josh mumbled an apology before taking a drag.  
Tyler bit his lip, feeling guilty. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just weird about physical affection.” He tried to explain.   
“Should’ve asked, don’t worry about it.” Josh nods.  
“I hope that I can explain it to you one day. I think.” Tyler confesses, staring ahead.  
Josh put out his cigarette butt on the ground, sighing quietly. “We make a horrible pair, I crave a lot of physical attention. Some weird trauma thing I guess.”   
Tyler nodded in affirmation, not questioning what Josh said because he didn’t need too. Most people in the industry had past trauma in some way or another. “I hate it. Some weird trauma thing I guess.” He joked.   
“Copycat.” Josh smiled.  
“Says the one who just stole one of my cigarettes.” He bantered.  
“Come on, I didn’t steal it.” Josh pouted.  
“You totally did!” Tyler cried, then coughed as he quietened down again. “Admit it, you only took one to seem cool.”  
“Did not!” Josh pouted again. “Even if I did it to seem cool- Which I didn’t, I still didn’t steal it. You even lit it for me.”  
“Well maybe I just wanted to see you smoke.”   
“...Why?”  
“You can see a person’s true motives from the way they smoke.”  
Josh cocked an eyebrow. “Explain.”  
“Well, different people smoke for different reasons. It’s easy to spot an addict from someone who’s having a bad day. Or someone who’s plotting compared to someone who’s enjoying the cigarette.” Tyler rambled on, losing himself in his explanation.  
Josh smiled adoringly while Tyler ranted. “Which one am I?”

Tyler paused, thoughtful. “I think you’re a bit of a dreamer, but you’re always paying attention.”  
Josh just shot him a smile in response, satisfied with the answer.  
“Do you wanna- um… hang out for the rest of the day?” Josh asked.  
Tyler took a drag of his cigarette and stood up, looking down at josh with a glint in his eyes.  
“Let’s catch a jet to Jersey and walk around the beach- check out Isra’s hometown.” He decided, 100% serious.  
“Really?” Josh asked excitedly. “Oh- Yeah, cool. That’s cool.”  
“Yeah, I’ll pay for the flight and have a car pick us up. Why do you think people ask me about me net worth all the time, Joshua?” Tyler smirked excitedly.  
“I’ll come if you tell me your net worth, Mr Rich Boy.” Josh giggled before going quiet. “Wait, that sounds like I’m leaching off of you. I’m not.”   
Tyler leaned in close to Josh’s ear, whispering, “9 million, baby.”  
Josh shivered slightly before shoving Tyler away softly. “Whatever.” He hums in mock thought. 

Tyler had to make a quick phone call to have someone organise a flight, so Josh just stood around awkwardly until Tyler nodded his head towards his own black 1989 Aston Martin V8 Vantage Volante.  
“This is your car?” Josh cried, running up to the car excitedly.   
“No, we’re stealing it, Joshua.” Tyler said sarcastically before unlocking the car and opening the passenger seat for Josh.  
“Oh, what a gentleman.” Josh grinned, climbing into the soft leather passenger’s seat.  
Tyler closed the door and made his way around to the other side, climbing in and turning on the ignition before he even had his seatbelt on.  
Josh turned his body to look around at the interior, reaching out to touch things like the roof and walls with his focus gone from the world. “I love vintage cars, don’t you? I mean- Obviously you do. Whatever. But like, it feels so nice and- Holy shit your car smells good.” Josh rambled.  
“Oh my Gosh.” Tyler threw his head back dramatically as he reversed and swerved around so he was facing the exit, leaving a few dark burn out marks on the tarmac.   
Josh snapped his head up when Tyler spoke. “Is there a problem..?”  
“You’re so weird man. Besides, the car was a gift from my dad so don’t drool all over the leather.” Tyler rolled his eyes.   
“Oh… That’s cool..” Josh mumbled, his excitement gone. 

Tyler focused on the road for the next few minutes, listening to the smooth purr of the engine instead of the radio.  
“I wasn’t being serious man, quit acting like a bottom.”   
“It’s not- You don’t- I’m not- Fuck off.” Josh found at a loss for words, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting at the window.   
Tyler rolled his eyes, “Baby.” 

The rest of the ride was smooth, besides Tyler practically running a red light and nearly getting the both of them killed. They dropped the car off at a valet and made their way into the airport, Tyler leading Josh straight to the special travel unit. For Josh it was a little strange seeing so many celebrities which lived outside of Los Angeles and at least one of them he could have sworn he last saw at Brendon’s in a cat-suit. Tyler looked unphased as he made his way to a man at a desk, talking to him briefly before dragging Josh away in another direction. Waiting for them was a pearl white private jet, the insides decorated with fine red velvet and comfy looking leather seats. It wasn’t very big but it was better than most planes Josh had ever even seen in person- it was like it belonged in a movie. 

Tyler went to the minibar located at the back and helped himself to pouring both him and Josh a complimentary shot, pouring it back and barely reacting to the burn of the smooth liquor. Josh had to think for a moment before he took his shot, forcing himself to ignore the burn in favour of impressing Tyler. Tyler then pulled Josh over to some of the seats, sitting down in one opposite him and folding a table out to sit between them. 

“So, Joshua. It’s just you and I for the next 5 hours. How would you like to start this trip? I can ask for someone to come in and give us massages?” Tyler asked casually, knowingly showing off in a bizarre attempt to impress Josh.  
“Uhm, no thank you.” He said quietly, staring at the table.   
Tyler noticed his discomfort and nervously put his fingertips on Josh’s. “Sorry if this is a little overwhelming. Would you like some water?”  
Josh shook his head gently, watching their hands in awe. Hadn’t Tyler just told him that he didn’t like physical affection? “Have you got anything stronger? Than- Than before?”  
A slow smirk spread across Tyler’s face and he got up, returning quickly by slamming two shot glasses down on the table followed by a bottle of over-priced whiskey just as the sign lit up, telling them to fasten their seatbelts.  
“This is gonna be a long flight, Joshua.”

If we live our life in fear  
I'll wait a thousand years  
Just to see you smile again  
-Muse, Resistance

By the time the flight landed in Atlantic City, Josh was more than a little tipsy and Tyler had to guide him down each step so that he wouldn’t trip down the stairs. Josh was in a giggly haze which was very contagious towards people like Tyler who were better at holding their alcohol.   
“Let me take you shopping.” Tyler told Josh as they walked through the airport.   
“You’re not made of money, silly. I have an- An expensive taste!” Josh smiled proudly.  
“Want to show me your favourite brand’s shop?” Tyler asked with excitement that he would normally use when talking to a child.  
Josh hums in thought, tapping his cheek with a finger to exaggerate his thought. “Yeah. I do. Are we getting a cab? I don’t know my way around Jersey, this was a dumb idea.”   
“I’ve got it covered.” Tyler muttered, looking out at the driver rentals until he spotted his driver standing by a slick black car.  
Tyler helped Josh into the backseat before climbing in and sitting behind him. “Good afternoon, could you please drive us to…” Tyler looked at Josh expectantly.   
“Gucci!” Josh giggled.  
“You heard him.” Tyler couldn’t help but grin, at least Josh had a good taste in fashion. 

It didn’t take too long before they made it to the world renowned store, Tyler being just as eager to go in as Josh. Although the two weren’t dressed in their sharpest clothes, the person at the door must have recognised Tyler because they let the pair in without them having to wait in line. While Tyler treated this as any of his other retail therapy sessions, Josh was awestruck by the intimidating clothes and found himself lurking nearby Tyler everywhere he was.  
“Tyler, I need to tell you a secret.” Josh whispered loudly.  
“What?” Tyler mumbled, holding out a black women’s trench coat in front of him.  
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here. I shop at Target.” He giggled.  
Tyler groaned and rolled his eyes, disregarding the confession and instead handing Josh a grey turtleneck. “Try this on.”   
Josh nods quickly, taking the turtleneck. “Can you wait with me? The workers are kinda freaking me out.”   
Tyler nodded, “I’ll be just out here. I’ll let you know if I find anything else for you.”  
Josh went off to the changerooms, taking longer than anticipated. Josh found himself standing in the stall with his shirt off, staring at the turtleneck’s price-tag in shock. “I can’t put this on.” He mumbled to himself.  
“Why? Because it’s too small?” Tyler asked quickly.  
“N- No. Um. It’s not important.”   
“Okay but does it fit?” Tyler asked irritably.  
Josh’s response came after the sound of him putting it on. “Yeah...”  
Tyler clapped his hands together happily. “Good! Because I already paid for it.”  
“What the fuck? No. You didn’t.” Josh muttered, peeking his head out passed the curtain. “Tell me you didn’t.”

Tyler only grinned and held up the bag of shopping.  
Josh drew the curtain closed again, sitting down on the seat his shirt was thrown onto. “You didn’t buy that shit, come on Tyler.”  
Tyler seemed doubtful as he quickly muttered something to the staff before opening the curtain and slipping in to Josh’s change room.  
“Hey, it’s okay.”  
“I can’t just take that. You know I can’t take that. People don’t spend that kinda money on me and you’re not about to be the first.” Josh ranted quietly, frustrated tears welling up in his eyes as he stared at himself in the mirror. He felt so nice in the turtleneck and thought it looked so, so good but the pain of guilt burnt in his chest.   
Tyler made eye contact with him through the reflection. “I love buying things for people just as much as you hate being gifted for. I know that you aren’t going to take advantage of that, and the turtleneck was barely a dent in my bank account anyway, so please let me buy some clothes for you.” He pleaded softly.  
Josh sighed gently, looking down at the floor and nodding. He wiped his eyes lightly before getting up. “I need to change my shirt now, piss off.” Josh laughed quietly.   
Tyler smiled at him and nodded happily, leaving the changeroom and closing the curtain behind him.  
Josh changed back into his shirt, taking a moment to convince himself that this was alright before leaving the changeroom.   
Tyler was waiting for him with the bag back in his hand, waiting patiently for Josh until he was ready to go. “Okay so I’m thinking next we head to Burberry, it has more stuff which is your style and the prices won’t make you faint.”

Tyler lead them back to their car and after they began to drive he closed the small sliding door between them and the front seat so that the driver could not see them. “Close your eyes, Joshua. No peeking, I’m getting changed.”  
“Yeah, of course man.” Josh hummed, closing his eyes.  
Tyler glanced over to Josh to make sure that his eyes were closed before he pulled off his jacket, then his t-shirt when Josh subtly opened one eye. He pulled a black and gold polo style shirt from the gucci bag and pulled it on, shrugging it into place comfortably.   
“Are you done?” Josh huffed, closing his eyes properly once more.   
“Give me a second, I can’t wear these pants with this shirt.” Tyler huffed before the sound of his belt could be heard unbuckling.   
Tyler struggled out of his ‘comfy jeans’ and instead changed them into a pair of expensive black cargo pants… it was a strange combination Josh noticed when he couldn’t help but peek. Josh felt his stomach drop when he was sneaking a glance, noticing the faint white lines across Tyler’s thighs but did not comment on it in that moment.   
“You can open your eyes now.” Tyler said, looking over at Josh and putting his sunglasses back on.  
“Why are you still wearing your sunglasses?” Josh asked. “I know I’m going to be spotted here, and with you that’s despicable, the sunglasses are like a strange comfort thing.” Tyler shrugged.  
“To each their own, I guess.” Josh hummed, leaning back.  
“Sorry about my meltdown earlier.” He continued.  
“It’s okay. I sometimes feel strange having to go out to events wearing expensive clothes but I think it’s just a part of my lifestyle by now.”   
“I wish I were you.” Josh sighed, leaning back into the seat.   
Tyler scoffed and shook his head. “You shouldn’t.”  
“But you’re like- Rich, man. And everyone knows you. It’d be fun.”  
Tyler glared at Josh, “Joshua, you don’t understand what it’s like.”  
“Exactly! I don’t, so that makes it more exciting.” Josh smiled.  
Tyler rolled his eyes, “Says the one who cried over the price of a turtleneck.”  
“I wouldn’t be crying over a turtleneck if I didn’t- If I had money to blow!”  
“You’re right!” Tyler smiled bitterly, “You’d be crying over crippling paranoia.”  
Josh frowned slightly. “Sorry…”  
Tyler sighed and picked up the bag and passed it to Josh, “May as well change into the shirt.”  
“Sounds like you’re tryna see me without a shirt.” Josh grinned at him.   
"Whatever, man. Just put it on."


	6. 5. Rich Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry fr the inconsistent updates!!! jelly was on holiday then it was my birthday and everything's a little funky >_< hope u guys like dis one <3

If I was a rich girl (na, na)  
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl  
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end  
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl  
-Gwen Stefani, Rich Girl  
The rest of their day together in Atlantic City was spent being driven from store to store, and it didn’t take long for Josh to ease into the feeling of this lifestyle.  
“Do you think this would sit right?” Josh asked, holding up a bomber jacket in front of his body.  
“Maybe, but get a different colour- green isn’t in right now.”

Tyler dug through the rack until he found a blood red velvet bomber jacket, lined with smooth plaid material, holding it out for Josh.  
“Oh my God, that is so sexy.”  
“Blasphemy.” Tyler scolded him but handed him the jacket either way. “Try it on.”  
Seeing as it was only a jacket, Josh walked in front of a mirror, pulling it over his shoulders and admiring himself.  
Tyler appeared over his shoulder, looking at his reflection approvingly. “You look good, Joshua.”  
Josh smiled proudly. “Thank you.” He hummed, taking the jacket off and putting it back on a coat hanger before folding it over his arm.  
“What do you think of these sunglasses?” Tyler asked, they were black and the corners were pinched upwards.  
“Hm, not a fan to be honest.” Josh shrugged.  
Tyler gasped in dramatic fauned hurt, but he trusted Josh’s judgement.  
Josh laughed gently, going off to look at something before coming back with skinny jeans. “Do you reckon these would make my ass look fat?”  
Tyler’s eyes lit up, “I have a pair of tight leather pants at home, you can have them if you want. Everyone loves ass.”  
Josh thought it over. “Wouldn’t you wanna keep them? I’m sure they look good on you.”  
“I’m more of an ass-admirer than ass-admiree. You know?”  
“I see what’s going on here.” He nodded. “I’m gonna go try these on.” Josh stated before leaving again.

Tyler busied himself with picking out some clothes for himself, but mostly picked out accessories for Josh. By the time they had left the store, the price on the receipt could make you faint. The pair went on to many stores after that until the sun began to fall, then Tyler had the driver go back to the airport with their bags and have them moved to their jet. Tyler and Josh instead staying at the beach with Tyler’s almost empty wallet and a beautiful sunset to admire. 

They found a spot to sit, and there they watched the day fade to night, instead focusing on the beautiful lights which shone from the boardwalk like an emerald city. Josh was glad that Tyler went to the extreme of buying them blankets before they reached the beach, because as the air went chilly, Josh and Tyler felt cozy in the overpriced blanket coffin.  
“I don’t wanna go home, you’ve made me feel like a very special boy today.” He grinned, looking over at Tyler.  
Tyler would be lying if he said that the air didn’t leave his lungs when he heard what Josh admitted, even if he was joking. “I had fun too. I think Ryan has competition as my number one shopping companion.”  
“Does that mean we’ll do this again? You’re just enabling my groupie lifestyle.” Josh giggled.  
Tyler choked and then laughed louder than he had before in front of Josh. “I guess I am, but don’t think this is an invitation for you to suck my dick.”  
Josh gasped mockingly. “And to think we shared a bed last week. Did it mean nothing to you?” He managed to get out while laughing.  
Tyler shoved him lightly, giggling loudly and rolling onto his side towards Josh. “Stop it, Joshua.”  
“But Tyyyyler, I want to suck your dick so bad!” He whined mockingly before laughing.  
Tyler’s cheeks burned bright red as he laughed, and as fireworks lit up the sky his rosy face was momentarily visible to Josh. He smiled adoringly at Tyler, quiet as he admired the other boy’s face. Tyler gazed back at him before quickly rolling onto his back again and looking up at the fireworks.  
“We should head back to the plane, it’s already 1 in the morning and the driver has finished for today, so we have to get a taxi from town. Sorry.” Tyler apologised, sitting upright.  
“It’s fine.” Josh smiled, getting up slowly.  
Tyler offered Josh his hand after he’d gotten up, then focused on stuffing the blankets into a carry bag which he slung over his shoulder. “Shall we?”  
“We shall!” Josh grinned, starting to walk.

The walk was relatively quiet, but the city never really slept, especially in the red light district which glowed in the distance. 

“Any spare change?” A voice called from ahead of them, a young guy was hunched against a wall with his hand toward them.  
“No, sorry.” Tyler lied.  
“But your clothes…”  
“I don’t have any spare change.”  
“Ty, don’t be a dick.” Josh mumbled, fumbling to get his wallet out of his pockets.  
“Come on, Josh. There’s a taxi up ahead and- oh, there it goes.” Tyler put his hands on his hips, glaring at Josh. Josh glared back at Tyler as he pulled out a twenty dollar note. “It’s fine, I didn’t spend much today.” Josh told Tyler before handing it to the gracious boy.  
Tyler rolled his eyes, “Same old Joshua, taking my money and then acting like a good person.”  
Hurt flashed across Josh’s face as he unzipped Tyler’s bag and pulling out one of the blankets and sitting on his knees in front of the boy. “Hey, we really don’t need this. It might be a bit sandy but it’ll keep you warm for the night.” Josh smiled gently. The kid held the blanket close when Josh passed it to him, nodding quickly. “I- Thank you!”  
“Josh, taxi.” Tyler, said sternly. He scoffed again and walked away from the two, waiting to wave down any taxis which passed. Josh said one last thing to the boy before getting up and walking with Tyler, crossing his arms over his chest angrily.  
Tyler glanced over to him. “What did I do now?”  
“What the fuck is your problem? He was only a kid!” Josh huffed angrily, staring out at the street.  
“He was probably going to use that money to feed his raging alcohol addiction. You know that, right?” Tyler raised his eyebrows at Josh..  
Josh balled up his fists lightly. “You’re fucking disgusting! That’s the dumbest stereotype ever.”  
“Actually, statistics say that over 40% of homeless people struggle with addiction.”  
Josh glared at the ground, dumbfounded for a moment. “You’re pulling statistics out of your ass to make yourself feel better about being a dick to some disadvantaged teen. Real cool, Joseph.”  
Tyler gasped. “I did not. Do you know how much damage you do to people’s careers, Dun? Maybe helping grody people helps you sleep at night.”  
“You are such an asshole! It’s life or death out here on the streets and you’re sad that I’ve bumped people down the social ladder before?”  
Tyler paused thoughtfully. “You said ‘out here’, now you’re one of them?”  
Josh took a few deep breaths. “Do you fucking know what it’s like to live on the streets? Have you ever slept on cold concrete in record cold temperature scared that you’ll die before you eat your next meal? That kid needs money more than you fucking do.”  
“Aren’t you meant to be the guy who researches this stuff? I’ve never lived on the streets, silly.”  
“Well whoop-de-doo, Tyler Joseph has had his life handed to him, everybody! Go fuck yourself, rich boy.” Josh finally looked at Tyler, glaring.  
Tyler’s mood flipped as he grabbed the collars of Josh’s jacket with both hands, grasping onto it in closed fists. He glared dead into Josh’s eyes with a look that could kill.  
“Are you gonna punch me because you’re mad that I’m right, Tyler?” Josh spat.  
Tyler shoved Josh against the brick wall of a building, heaving through his nose. “You don’t know half of the shit I went through to become what I am today.”  
“Fucking okay! You know nothing about my life and I sure as hell don’t brag about it.”  
Tyler’s eyes changed from anger to sincere hurt. “Fuck you, Joshua. Find your own way home.” 

He ripped his hands away from Josh, turning and continuing to walk down the street.  
Josh stood there for a moment before sliding down the wall, completely exhausted and feeling borderline hopeless. Tyler didn’t stop. In fact he only walked quicker with his head bowed and shoulders slumped, reaching up to wipe his face every few seconds.

Josh stared at the lights of the streets, replaying the argument in his head and trying to figure out who was right in this situation. He wanted so desperately to tell Tyler everything about himself, as if that would somehow change Tylers whole opinion. But what would that do? Josh was just a bad person with an equally bad past and he deserves no sympathy from the older boy. Josh pulled his knees to his chest tightly, subconsciously attempting to make himself look as small as possible just like the boy from before. He found himself spiralling downward into a complete sensory overload. The harsh words kept replaying in his mind, making him desperate to throw up from the guilt. 

Josh was terrified.  
Cars sped down the streets in front and beside him.  
Old, loud men walked passed him with their egos high as their trophy-wives followed like dogs.  
One of the men flipped a coin onto the ground next to him and he couldn’t even muster up the courage to give it back.  
It was too loud for Josh.  
People laughing.  
Cars screeching.  
Glasses smashing.  
Fireworks crackling.  
Women howling.  
Dogs barking  
A car door opening.  
A car door opening? 

“Get in, loser.”  
Josh looked up, his eyes focusing on Tyler who leaned out of the backseat of a taxi cab, a shy smile on his face. Josh got himself up and off the floor unbelievably fast, getting into the taxi and turning away from Tyler when he closed the door.

The cab was quiet as they drove through the dark city, the only sounds being Josh’s heavy breathing and Tyler’s hushed sniffles from previous tears. They pulled up at the airport and Tyler linked his arm around Josh’s elbow, guiding the distressed boy through the busy airport and back to the VIP lounge where their plane awaited. Tyler did not say anything until they were back on the small jet, sitting in the same seats as before. This time with Tyler leaning forward on the table with his elbows and his chin resting in his palm, while Josh busied himself by pouring a glass of liquor before looking out the window. 

The two sat in silence for a while, the only sounds being the two doing up their seat belts for takeoff and Josh already pouring a second glass. 

“You’re such a baby.” Josh mumbled, taking a sip. “I can’t believe you walked off.”  
“I’m not a baby!” Tyler glared at him, pouring a glass for himself. “Besides, you wouldn’t have followed if I asked you. I wasn’t planning on you having a meltdown.”

Tyler then sighed, “Listen, I know I was being a bit of an asshole back there-”  
“A bit?”  
“...okay a lot. I’m sorry if I offended you.”  
Josh stared down at his empty glass before grinning. “I’m feeding my ‘raging alcohol addiction,’ huh?”  
Tyler paused when it all clicked, “You were homeless, weren’t you?”  
“Bold assumption, Joseph.” Josh hummed  
“Well… you kept referring to yourself as one of them.” Tyler said pointedly.  
Josh poured himself another glass. “Good job big shot, ya got me.”  
Tyler frowned, “I’m not judging you, I’m just trying to understand you.”  
“With how you talked about that kid, I kinda doubt that.”  
Tyler tensed, “My wealth has nothing to do with how I acted. That’s just the way I’ve been raised.”  
Josh groaned. “You’re an adult! You should be able to decide the right way to treat a human being.”  
Tyler looked guilty. “I guess I’m just not all that great at making decisions for myself.”  
Josh nodded slightly, finally looking at Tyler once he finished another glass. “Don’t look at me like that..”  
“Joshua, I’ve apologised and tried my best to explain myself to you. How you are acting is all on yourself.”  
Josh stayed quiet, nodding slowly.  
“I’m not mad at you, I wasn’t mad when I opened the cab door for you either. I know you’re still mad at me, I saw this coming from when we first acted friendly, I always piss everyone off eventually. But you are being a dick right now.”  
“You- You were being a dick…” Josh tried to excuse himself even if he knew Tyler was right.  
Tyler sighed and poured himself a glass, “At least I admitted to it.”  
Josh made a dejected noise, too stubborn to say anything back to Tyler.  
Tyler only huffed with disappointment, taking off his sunglasses to rub his tired eyes before putting them on again. He turned his attention to the window and gazed out at the city lights which were below them.  
“I’m just- I’m- Sorry.” Josh mumbled, getting up to go to the bathroom quickly to recollect himself.  
“I’m sorry too.” Tyler whispered as he watched him walk away, downing his glass.

Josh came back after a moment, sitting back down. Then he noticed that Tyler wasn’t still sitting, but was at the bar pulling every bottle out and onto the counter besides a large glass.  
“What are you doing…” Josh furrowed his eyebrows, surprised by Tylers sudden mood change.  
“You know, Joshua. A long while ago I actually took classes in cocktail making.” Tyler said with a sly smirk, popping the cap off a bottle and tipping some into the glass.  
“Looks like you’re throwing in everything but the kitchen sink there.” Josh teased.  
Tyler nodded, “That is correct. I stopped going after the second class.” Which earnt a strong laugh from Josh.  
He opened another bottle and tipped more than a shot or two worth of expensive tequila in.  
“Could you imagine me in my luxurious house throwing a party, all my guests having a great time while I entertained them with my drink mixing?” Tyler said dramatically.  
“Oh, I’m very entertained.” Josh hummed, chewing on his sleeve absentmindedly.  
“Well I’m not. Could you imagine how boring that would be? You can’t mix drinks when you’re drunk or doped out, so I’d have to stay as sober as possible.” Tyler shook his head. “I can’t believe that people do it for a living.”  
“Stay sober for a living? I’m sober!” Josh smiled proudly before gasping. “Wait…”  
“Well that’s just incorrect.” Tyler giggled, pouring in a collection of different drinks into the glass before putting away the bottles and carrying it over to Josh.

Tyler sat down and took a drink from the glass, cringing from the strong taste before leaning back in his seat with a smirk. “Give it a try, Joshua.”  
Josh did as he was told, taking a big gulp before laughing. “I’m sober!” Josh repeated before adding, “You’re just really nice when I’m dumb.”  
“Then I guess I’m just the sweetest person in the world.” Tyler said with witty humour.  
“You’re so mean! I’m gonna drink your whole gross drink and you don’t get any more.” Josh pouts, taking another big sip.  
Tyler glared at Josh and pulled the glass away. “I made it, I have drinking rights.” He stated, drinking as much as he could in a mouthful just to spite Josh.  
Josh giggled. “But I wanted that specific bit…”  
Tyler rolled his eyes and passed it back to Josh so he could finish the rest. “Dumbass.”  
Josh picked up the glass before getting up, sliding into the seat next to Tyler. “We can share this last bit.” Josh smiled, sipping some before holding it out to Tyler.  
“I should have spat in it, just like you did to my orange juice.”  
“Spit in my mouth instead.” Josh blurted out.  
Tyler looked at Josh with an unreadable face before picking up the glass again, “Man, I don’t even know if that’s a sin or not.”  
“Everything’s a sin and you’re boring.” Josh pouted at him.  
“That’s actually true.” Tyler nodded in agreement, sipping the drink before passing it back to Josh.  
Josh looked at the almost empty glass. “I’m gonna make a better drink. Do you think there’s any energy drinks?” He asked, getting up and looking in the bar.  
“Try the cabinet on your left.” Tyler said, watching him from his seat.  
Josh pulled out a can of Redbull, pouring half into the glass before adding a concoction of all the drinks in the bar. “This looks like a heart attack.” Josh smiled, going to sit next to Tyler again.  
“A heart attack in a glass.” Tyler said in agreement as he gazed into the dark liquid. “I am not drinking that.”  
Josh shrugged, drinking as much as he could in one breath. “You’re a coward.” He added once he finished. “Is this a sin?”  
“Yeah… kind of.” Tyler laughed.  
“Cool.” Josh smiled, drinking more.  
Tyler rolled his eyes, “You’re such a bad influence on me, my parents would think you were Satan on Earth.”  
“You’re a horrible influence on me! I don’t drink.” Josh giggled, very obviously taking a drink from his heart-attack in a glass.  
“You told me to spit in your mouth!” Tyler cried dramatically.  
“Cause I’m a fag!” Josh cried back.  
Tyler was stunned for a second, then shook his head and chuckled. “You’re drunk, Joshua.”  
Josh pouted. “No, dummy, I’m in love.”  
Although Tyler was drunk, he was still uncomfortable. He couldn’t help his awkwardness towards the topic, he was raised by his to believe that gay people belonged in Hell. He didn’t agree with that, but he was trying his best to overcome his factory settings and mindsets.  
“No, you’re not. You’re drunk.”Tyler repeated.  
Josh giggled. “Yeah, you’re right! What would I do without you?” He asked, finishing the glass.  
“You’d be back in LA, probably reading through fan mail and jerking off. Something like that.”  
Josh gasped jokingly. “I can’t believe you’d say something like that… I don’t jerk off, I have Brendon!”  
Tyler’s face was red, and not from the alcohol. “Too much information, Joshua.”  
“Isn’t that all you think I do anyways?” Josh mumbled dejectedly.  
“Honestly? Yeah. The dude’s hypersexual and always has you on tab.” Tyler shrugged.  
“Not my fault I don’t have a boyfriend. Guys suck.” Josh frowned, staring out the window.  
“People don’t date you because they think you’re Brendon’s boyfriend.” Tyler groaned.  
“Is that why you don’t wanna date me?”  
Tyler tensed, looking away. “No, Gosh no.” Tyler muttered, pulling his rosary beads from his bag and wrapping them tightly around his hand.  
“I don’t actually want to date you, you know.” Josh contradicted himself.  
“I’m glad, unrequited love is a real bitch.”  
“Oh yeah? When’d you suffer from that?”  
“Oh no, Joshua. It’s a real bitch to deal with when people don’t get the jist that you don’t want to date them.” Tyler explained almost nervously.  
“Yeah, bummer man.” Josh shrugged, resting his head on the table.  
“Shut up, your kind is usually guilty of it.”  
“Fags?” Josh cocked an eyebrow.  
Tyler’s eyes widened and he got flustered. “No! No, journalists, paparazzi, the media!”  
Josh nodded into the table.  
Tyler sighed, looking at his watch before stating: “It’s three in the morning.”  
“I have too much caffeine in my body to feel that.”  
Tyler giggled, “Well I don’t, and I want to nap.”  
“N- No!” Josh shook his head.  
“Joshua, you brat, I knew you shouldn't have drunk that energy ‘drink’.” Tyler tutted,  
“I am not a brat.” Josh pouted.  
“Okay, and I’m not exhausted.” Tyler rolled his eyes.  
“You’re a bully.” Josh huffed, leaning back against the seat.  
“Whatever.” Tyler switched off the lights through a remote control before he pulled out a pillow from underneath his seat and propped it against the wall of the plane, trying to get comfortable.  
Josh just went on his phone, tapping his leg absentmindedly.  
Tyler cracked an eye open, “You shouldn’t use your phone while on a plane.”  
“I’m bored!” Josh whined.  
“Go puke in the toilet.” Tyler muttered, closing his eyes again.  
“I’m just trying to have fun and you won’t let me. Honestly, that’s rude.”  
“You’ll understand when you’re old and wise like me.” Tyler said, his voice getting slower.  
Josh huffed, getting up to sit across from Tyler again. “I’m not young.”  
“You’re younger than me.”  
“You’re just annoying.”  
“Old, tired and annoying.” Tyler agreed.  
“Go to sleep already, old man. I wanna jack off in the bathroom.”

Tyler adjusted his sunglasses, which were uncomfortable but he refused to sleep without them on in Josh’s presence.  
“Alright, Joshua. Have fun. There’s seconal in the cabinet.” Tyler said without much thought.  
“I’m not a druggie, fuck off.” Josh mumbled, going off to the bathroom.  
Tyler sat upright, hurt and anger on his face. “What? And I am?” He yelled towards the closed bathroom door.  
“I didn’t say you were? Let me piss!” Josh called back.  
Tyler groaned angrily, putting his head down on the table and squashing the pillow down over his head.  
Josh came back, going back on his phone.  
Tyler got up, crossing to seats on the opposite side and adjusting the seats so that he could lay across them. Of course after kicking of his shoes and getting a travel blanket from the front of their compartment. “Wake me up when we’re landing.”  
“Yeah, sure.” Josh mumbled, focused on what he was doing.

Tyler slept for the rest of the flight, being awoken by one of the staff in the end rather than Josh which hurt a little. Tyler was mad until he looked over to see Josh gazing out of the window at the early morning sunset. Tyler waited until the staff had cleared all their shopping bags out of the plane before crossing over to Josh.  
“What did you take?” Tyler asked knowingly.  
“B- Be- Big word…” Josh got out slowly.  
“If he took seconal he’d be passed out… did you take benzos?” Tyler asked, thinking aloud.  
“You don’t know that.” Josh mumbled, looking out the window still.  
“Okay, I need you to hold onto my arm. There’s probably going to be paparazzi and you can’t be seen like this, Joshua. Do you think you can keep your head up for me?”  
“Don’t I look pretty enough to be seen with you…”  
“Of course you do.” Tyler said, not bothering to deal with Josh’s banter. “But not when you can’t walk straight or keep your eyes focused.”  
Josh whined quietly, sitting up. “Can I stay here?”  
“I’m going to take you back home… or maybe to Ryan’s.” Tyler decided.  
“Why not Tyler’s…” He asked, looking up at Tyler.  
“I’m afraid that if you saw my house, I’d have to kill you, Joshua dear.” Tyler smiled, offering Josh his elbow. Josh used Tyler to steady himself as he got up, holding on afterwards.  
“I wanna see Ryan then.” Josh smiled.  
“Yeah, he’s great.” Tyler said, collecting baseball caps that he had ordered upon their arrival. He put one onto his own head, making sure it hung low over his eyes before wriggling one onto Josh’s head too.  
“Hopefully we’ll be harder to spot.” Tyler sighed. Josh nodded quickly, holding onto Tyler’s arm dependently.  
Their shopping bags were taken to Tyler’s car, which had been driven to the pick up spot by a valet, before they were swapped to a professional driver. The pair were in no state to drive.  
Josh sat as close to the other as he could in the car before being pushed away onto his seat by Tyler. 

From there, the drive to Ryan’s was pretty quiet, mostly because Josh was tripping on a mix of sedatives and Redbull and could barely make a coherent sentence. Finally they made it to Ryan’s and booked it to his apartment as quickly as they could.

“Where the fuck did you two go? Don’t tell me you got married in Vegas.” Ryan greeted them after opening the door.  
“I took Joshua out on a shopping spree in Atlantic City. Bite me, Ross.” Tyler said as he lead Josh over to the couch.  
As if on queue, Josh bit Tyler’s shoulder lightly, causing the boy to shriek in surprise and drop him onto the couch. “Ross, not you!” To which Josh just giggled.  
“What’d you do to Josh?” Ryan sighed, yawning quietly.  
“I showed him my bartending skills and he found my drug cabinet while I was asleep. He’s totally out of it. Benzos I think.” Tyler explained.  
Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head disapprovingly. “You’re in trouble. You’re staying here and dealing with him, Tyler.”  
“Why? I’m still drunk, Ryan.” Tyler glared at him. “And I didn’t tell him to get off his face, that’s his fault.”  
“Je- Gosh, what’d you do? Josh hates drugs.”  
“I seriously doubt that. Did you know that he loves Redbull?” Tyler asked, his train of thought changing.  
“That is so not important.” Ryan sighed. “Can you just go sleep so we can deal with this at a reasonable hour?”  
“Can’t I at least sleep at my own home?”  
“I know you, if you do that you won’t leave again for another three days minimum.”  
“Fine, whatever. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“Wait, Tyler.” Ryan sighed. “Do you realise what you did?”  
Tyler stopped and turned to face Ryan, a confused frown on his face. “What do you mean?”  
“You shouldn’t have let him drink.”  
“He was loving it, he got so drunk.” Tyler giggled, not yet realising the severity of the situation.  
“Ty, people don’t just get off their faces out of boredom. Josh has a problem and he’s been trying to deal with it.” Ryan sighed, sitting on the couch next to the young boy who had passed out by now.  
Tyler’s smile dropped. “If he had a problem I would have noticed. Or he would have told me.”  
“Josh thinks it’s embarrassing, just tries to ignore it.”  
“What’s so bad about drinking, anyway?” Tyler asked, trying to escape by walking back towards the guest bedroom.  
“Addiction, Tyler.”  
Tyler stopped midstep, his shoulders tense. “Bullshit, he’s just trying to fit in.”  
“What the fuck, Tyler? Of all people, I’d think you’d take this seriously.”  
“Come on, Ryan. When do I ever take things seriously? Besides, how would you know?” Tyler scrunched up his nose, finally turning to look at Ryan with his fists clenched.  
“He spent a whole tour with me, people talk.” Ryan shrugged.  
Tyler’s know-it-all attitude faltered, “Are you serious?” He asked disbelievingly.  
Ryan sighed. “Yes, Tyler. I’m serious, this is serious and I don’t appreciate your attitude.”  
“I am tired, and actually need to work on some new stuff soon or I won’t be able to repair the damage Joshua did to my bank account.”  
“I thought I was your shopping buddy….” Ryan frowned.  
Tyler’s face dropped, “Wait- no, I’m sorry. It didn’t mean anything to me, Ry. He encouraged me to do it.”  
Ryan held his hand to his mouth, standing up quickly. “Tyler, baby.. I am so sorry he did something like that to you.. But I don’t think this is gonna work out…”  
“He used me!” Tyler cried, pointing at where Josh lay.

Their conversation was interrupted when Josh reached his arms up, making grabby hands at whoever was close to him. “Shut up..”  
“Tyler, he needs me. I can’t do this with you tonight.” Ryan sighed.  
Tyler scoffed, “I could look after him better than you, I took him to Atlantic City! When have you ever taken him out?”  
“You took him to New Jersey, he could’ve died there!” Ryan cried out. “I buy him food when he’s sad, do you know his fast-food order? Cause I do!”  
“I could learn it if you allowed me to spend more time with him!” Tyler stomped his foot.  
“I won custody fair and square! Don’t forget those videos we showed the court, Tyler.”  
“I know you sucked the judge’s dick- hold on…” Tyler paused, only then realising what they were arguing about.  
“Fuck you, Ross. I’m going to sleep.”


	7. 6. Originality

It was midday, around the same time that the two boys had decided to go to New Jersey, only 24 hours later. Despite Tyler and Ryan’s drunken and sleep-deprived argument about who could look after Josh better, Tyler was gone before Josh had even regained consciousness. Ryan had seen it coming so he wasn’t surprised, just gave Josh whatever he needed until he was ready to head back to Brendon’s. Not even Ryan had even finished his lunch, his phone rang and it was Tyler’s number. Ryan only groaned, expecting the worst from his best friend, but he answered anyway. 

“Hello?” He spoke slowly.  
“Ryan! I have so much to tell you about yesterday!” Tyler spoke loudly into the phone.  
“Why didn’t you come back to tell me in person?” Ryan asked, Tyler never preferred phone calls over lunch.  
“Well, I’ve got a killer hangover and Kanya, the legend, is giving me a massage.”   
“Hello, Mister Ross!” A voice called.  
Kanya had been Tyler’s number one masseuse for years. She was sweet and loyal, and Tyler was not afraid to spill any major secrets in her presence.  
“She’s honestly the best. So, Josh and I went to Atlantic City- my idea, and holy shit. He loved shopping so much, and he’s so empathetic. For media trash, he’s actually not that bad.”   
Ryan chuckled, nodding to himself. “So empathetic? Do tell.”  
“Well, we were to find a cab and he sees this homeless guy, yeah? And he made us stop, then gave him money and the blankets I bought. Then we argued about it and he called me a bad person but we won’t go into that.”   
“Oh, I think we should go into that.”  
Tyler huffed. “He disregarded me but whatever, I’m a bad person. I know. But anyway, I ended up leaving him so I could a cab before we got assaulted but when I come back he’s all freaking out and stuff.”  
“And stuff? Go on.”  
“A panic attack, whatever. Nothing drastic. He was fine later anyway. Raided my fucking cabinet while I was napping, the bitch.”  
“He said you told him where to look.” Ryan hummed knowingly.  
Tyler spluttered, “I didn’t think he would!”  
“You seem to have that effect on- people.”  
“Excuse me?”  
“By people, I mean Josh. And the effect- Tyler, baby, he’s trying to impress you. You guys had a bit of a bad first impression.”  
“Exactly, so why would he be trying to impress me? If anything, I should be trying to impress him- he’s the one who’s more likely to spill something to the media.”  
“He wants to be your friend, that’s why he’s trying so hard.”  
“Well, he should just stop before he hurts himself,” Tyler said insensitively.  
“He would stop if you stopped referring to him as ‘The Media’ and instead called him ‘Josh’.”  
“Joshua.” Tyler corrected him.  
“You’re the only one who calls him that. What’s the deal?” Ryan asked, grinning to himself.  
“I’m a musician who likes cocaine and alcohol, I need to be original somehow.”  
Ryan responded with a bellowing laugh.

Tyler gasped, “Wow, Ross. So insensitive.”  
“You’re my favourite celebrity, Tyler Joseph,” Ryan admitted.  
“Awh thanks. I wish that Rolling Stone Magazine would agree.” Tyler joked.  
“It’s not fair, you call a fan a bitch one time and they never let it go.” Ryan laughed.  
“Totally. She was asking it for it anyway.” Tyler laughed, trailing off into thought.  
“Hey, Ryan?” Tyler asked quietly.  
“Yes, love of my life?” Ryan replied, nonchalant.  
Tyler laughed nervously, “How did I have so much fun with Joshua yesterday? We’ve hated each other for so long.”  
“Tyler, I’m going to say something that needs to be taken very seriously and with a grain of salt, are you ready?”  
Tyler nodded, then realised Ryan couldn’t see him so he verbally agreed.  
“The romantic and sexual tension between you two is so thick you could cut it with a knife.” Ryan hummed.  
Tyler spluttered, “Kanya, is this true?” He asked, Ryan must have been on speaker.  
“Mister Joseph, you haven’t stopped speaking about him all morning. I think Mister Ross might be on the right track.” Kanya agreed.  
“Thank you, Kanya, my dear.” Ryan smiled.  
Tyler groaned in denial, “You two are hysterical.”   
“Think about the brunch, even when you were in his kitchen! It’s immeasurable, Ty.”  
Tyler shook his head, covering his face with his hands. “Not true.”  
“Not to mention how he talks about y-” Ryan cut himself off. “Anyways, you just need to admit that you’d bone Dun and get it over with.”  
“I can’t do that Ry! I’m not a disgrace!”   
“He’s such a bottom it’d be like you’re- I need to take this seriously, sorry.” Ryan bantered.  
“Can you please shut up before I go looking for pot,” Tyler muttered pathetically.  
“I’m sorry Ty, but you’ve gotta see where I’m coming from.”  
“Why should I? I’m not gay.” He stated surely.  
Ryan sighed gently. “You’re only hurting yourself, Tyler.”  
“Oh, you’re right. Let me just go against my religion, stop doing drugs, and take up yoga.” Tyler said sarcastically.  
Ryan felt stuck, not knowing any possible way to get through to Tyler. 

“May I say, Mister Joseph, that perhaps the way you were brought up was wrong?” Kanya dared to speak up.  
Tyler looked at her, confused, but did not silence her.  
“I was brought up to be encouraged to do whatever I wanted in order to be happy, as long as it did not hurt myself or those around me. I may not be rich now, and I ended up marrying a man in the end, but when I told my parents that I was bisexual they were ecstatic. They were happy that I was proud enough of myself to be happy. That’s how I raise my kids too. I hope that made sense.” Kanya explained without breaking pace in massaging Tyler’s foot.

Knowing that Tyler would take a while to find a response, Ryan spoke up. “That’s a beautiful way to live, Kanya. I’m sure they’re very proud of who you are.” He smiled.  
“Thank you, Mister Ross. You should come on down, I’ll call my friend over and you can have a massage too.” She offered kindly.  
“I was waiting for an invitation. I’ll be there in 10 if there are no cops around.”

You could be empty  
And I can be right here empty with you  
Or you could be hollow  
And I can be right here hollow with you  
-The Used, Empty With You

“I went out with Tyler.” Josh hummed, nonchalant as he picked up a handful of cereal from the box.  
Brendon sat up from where he lay on the couch, “On a date?”  
“No. I mean, not in his eyes. But he took me to Jersey and bought me stuff- I told him not to but he did.” Josh shrugged, scarfing down the handful like it was his first meal in days.  
“Tyler loves doing that. Him and Ryan going on shopping trips all the time, once they spent nearly a whole week in New York.” Brendon explained, laying back down.  
Josh sighed wistfully, leaning on the kitchen bench. “Imagine that, a week in New York with Tyler.”  
“He’d take you if you ask, but I don’t know who could stand him for that long,” Brendon said, shaking his head.  
Josh shrugged. “We went a whole day with almost no accidents.”  
Brendon looked over at Josh with his eyebrows raised in doubt.  
“Seriously! He got a kick out of buying things for me. If anything, I’m probably the only reason we argued.” Josh frowned.  
“Dude, trust me. Anything that happens is Tyler’s fault. The guy’s mad.”  
“We laid on the beach and talked, he looked after me when I got drunk. He’s got some redeeming qualities.”  
Brendon’s face turned firm. “You got what?”   
“Well, when someone has too much fermented fruit, their state of mind is altered. We like to call this funny thing being ‘drunk’.” Josh joked, making light of the situation.  
Brendon sighed, unable to laugh. “Josh you’ve been sober for so long. What did he do or say to get you to drink? Did he blackmail you?”   
Josh frowned. “It was all me, Bren. I thought if I loosened up around him he would take me seriously.”  
“People like Tyler would not take you seriously. Ever.”  
“I know.” Josh frowned. “I don’t wanna deal with this shit but I wanna be with him all the time.”  
Brendon groaned, rolling over and rubbing his face in aggravation “Don’t tell me you’re in love with him you flaming fuck.”  
“I can’t help it! It was that stupid fucking concert, man. I feel like some 12-year-old girl that got to meet her celebrity crush.” Josh whined, stuffing his face with another handful of cereal.  
“Listen to me man, on stage Tyler is not the same as real-life Tyler. Don’t blur the lines.”  
“But I want them to be the same,” Josh mumbled, dejected.  
“I’m sure a lot of people do. Dude, I can’t even work out what Ryan sees in him, maybe they’re both a bit crazy.” Brendon paused. “Wait, isn’t he super Christian?”  
In response, Josh pushed his face against the kitchen bench. “Yes! Fuck my life!”  
“Give it up. You don’t have a chance and he’ll probably be dead by 25.”  
Josh found himself distracted, not wanting to think about what Brendon said. “I want a tongue piercing, it’d be so hot.”  
“Hey, I’m the one with ADHD.” Brendon joked. “But man I’d let you give me a blowjob whenever you wanted to if you did.”  
“What’s in it for me, huh?” Josh laughed, shaking his head. “I don’t know, I’ll think about it.”  
“You’re a bottom by nature, Josh.” Brendon rolled his eyes.  
“Hopeless. We’re hopeless.” Josh sighed, tipping the remaining cereal into his mouth. 

Josh folded up the empty box, going off to his room with one thing in mind. He sat cross-legged on his bed, his phone on the mattress in front of him as he listened to the dial tone ring out. Right before the boy gave up he heard a confused “Hello?” from the other side.   
“Hey- Hi Tyler, I just wanted to know if you might wanna hang out later,” Josh said, bouncing his leg anxiously.  
Tyler didn’t respond for a while. “Wait… how did you get my private phone number?”  
“If I say Ryan you can’t be mad at him. I’m very convincing when I want something.” Josh laughed quietly.   
Tyler giggled louder than he usually would. “Yes, yes you are Josh.”   
“Um,” Josh muttered, thinking something was missing but not being able to put his finger on it. “Anyways! You answered me with a question, dummy.”   
Tyler hummed, “Well Ryan just left but you know how I am Josh. Too much socialising and my hair falls out.”  
“Wha- Oh.. okay, all good,” Josh mumbled, disappointed.   
Tyler let out a long sigh on the other side of the phone, “Sorry, very, very busy right now.”   
“Ty, are you high?” Josh asked, concerned.   
“What? No, Gosh. I’m not always drunk or high, asshole.” Tyler bit back viciously, speaking quickly.  
“When did I say that…”  
“You may as well have.”  
“Sorry,” Josh mumbled. “I’ll just- I’ll let you go now, sorry.”  
“Thank you,” Tyler said bitterly before hanging up on Josh.

Josh sat there for a moment, perplexed by the state of their call. He shook it off, getting ready to go out anyways. Josh dressed himself up in some of the clothes Tyler bought him before going out to the garage. It felt a little strange wearing the clothes that Tyler had purchased for him, especially after that phone call had proved Brendon’s case that Tyler was not obsessing over Josh like Josh was enthralled by him. 

He found his keys hanging up, going over to the furthest side of the room where his pride and joy laid collecting dust. The 2007 C90 Suzuki Boulevard had only been his for a little while but he really loved it. He pulled a helmet on, waiting for the garage shutter to roll up. 

Josh made his way to the other side of town, riding into the parking spots underneath Ryan’s apartment complex. He waited to be buzzed in before going up to Ryan’s suite, holding his helmet by his side. “Hey, Ryan.” Josh smiled, putting his things on the bench and going to sit on the couch.   
“You’re back soon. Oh yeah, get this: My mum came by while I was out and she left a basket of cookies for me.” Ryan told Josh excitedly, holding up the basket as proof.  
Josh smiled gently. “That’s so sweet.”   
“Here, have one. I know you’re a sucker for choc chip.” Ryan offered, moving to sit next to Josh on the couch.  
“C’mon, who isn’t?” Josh hummed, taking one gratefully and eating it straight away.   
Ryan laughed and nodded, stretching his arms over his head with a sigh. “I went to Tyler’s house this morning to get a massage with him. It was so amazing- better than getting high.”   
“He offered a massage on the plane, I said no though.” Josh shrugged. “Um- Speaking of getting high…”   
Ryan frowned and scooted closer to Josh, “What’s up?”  
“It’s not me!” Josh confirmed quickly. “But I called Tyler earlier and he was just… out of it… He denied it when I asked though, so I might just be overthinking…”  
Ryan looked thoughtful, as if he were weighing his options in his head. “He… I think he was. He was pretty stressed before I left and although he’ll deny it, he’s been self-medicating when things get hard for years.” 

It might have been a dick move on Ryan’s part, throwing his best friend under the bus like that, but he just wanted Tyler to get help. He didn’t know what the outcome would be by telling Josh but he had faith that it could help Tyler in one way or another. 

“Oh,” Josh mumbled, a dull ache in his chest. “I- Well I hope he’s okay.” He then sighed. “I spent my whole childhood trying to escape people like that, what am I supposed to think now?”   
Maybe Ryan was wrong. “Tyler’s not like that. He’s trying his best.” Ryan said, placing a hand on Josh’s shoulder. Even though he tried to make Tyler’s situation seem brighter than what it was, it was a blatant lie. Josh nodded slowly. “I guess so. Still scares me a bit, ya know.”  
“My dad was an alcoholic too, I know what it’s like.” Ryan tried his best, regretting even telling Josh in the first place. Josh just sighed, resting his head on Ryan’s shoulder. “Whatever man, I feel bad talking about him when he’s not here.”  
“Me too,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”  
“I’m the one who asked, it’s fine.” Josh shrugged. “Anyways, I came here to hang out with you.”

Ryan smiled, “Anything specific in mind, Josh?”  
“Not really.” He grinned before gasping. “I wanna know how you do your stage makeup!”  
Ryan giggled, shaking his head. “That can take hours, Josh. I’m not doing it on myself.”  
“Okay, there’s a clean slate right-” Josh gestured to his face. “Here.”  
“You’re serious?” Ryan asked with a challenging smirk.  
“Of course.” Josh grinned.  
Ryan grabbed Josh’s hands and pulled him towards the bathroom, “Then we have no time to waste- grab the cookies!” Josh did just that while being pulled away by Ryan, giggling.

Ryan’s bathroom was large and had a comfortable stool in front of the mirror specifically for when Ryan wanted to experiment with makeup.   
“Take a seat, Josh.” He grinned as he collected his supplies.  
Josh did so, starting to eat another cookie.  
“You can’t eat while we do this.” Ryan laughed.   
Josh glared at him. “No, I’m enjoying this,” Josh stated, shoving the rest of the cookie in his mouth. 

Ryan just sighed and began to prime Josh’s face. “This was just an excuse for you to touch my face.” Josh joked.  
Ryan just laughed as he instructed Josh to close his eyes as he practically covered them in a bright blue shadow. 

Once the base was done Ryan pulled out one of his favourite eyeliner pencils, lining Josh’s eyelashes before getting to the most important part. “If you so much as flinch, Josh, this will all go to shit,” Ryan confirmed. Josh shot him a look of fear before closing his eyes again.

For the next hour, he began to experiment with different lines leading down across Josh’s cheeks like teardrops. Each line ended with a bold ‘x’. His eyes were covered in grey, like smoke coating his eyelids and surrounding skin. Once he was done with his masterpiece Josh was told to open his eyes.

Josh stared at himself in awe before smiling brightly. “Shit, Ry! I look so cool!”   
Ryan blushed at the compliment, “No, look- I messed up that line there.”  
“It’s got character, Ryan.” Josh grinned. “I love it.”  
“Thank you, can I take a photo?” He asked.  
“Yeah, man, of course!” Josh smiled brightly, before focusing so he could look better for the photo.   
“Lean to the side a little, look just over my shoulder, part your lips… perfect.” 

“I feel like a model.” Josh laughed after the photo was taken.   
“You are! Have you ever gotten around to those photoshoots you were offered?”  
He shrugged. “I did a few smaller ones. Don’t actually know where the photos ended up.” Josh laughed.   
Ryan’s eyes lit up, “Oh, I’ll find them.”  
Josh giggled, excited. “Great! Can we go back to the couch?”  
“Sure. Want to watch some Supernatural?”  
Josh nodded, getting up and going back to the living room. 

“What do you think of Ruby?” Ryan asked, looking at Josh who was curled into his side.  
“I don’t trust her,” Josh said, shaking his head.  
“But she’s so useful, and she’s kind of hot.” Ryan giggled.  
Josh just rolled his eyes.   
“I don’t get how you like Dean more than Sam, he’s so irrational,” Ryan added.  
“Him being ‘irrational’ is what saves them like, every episode. Sam is so boring.”  
“He’s sweet!”  
“Boring! Think about the ratio of Dean getting laid compared to him.”   
“Oh yeah, that’ll be a good comeback until Dean gets diagnosed with syphilis.”  
“Dean is too cool for syphilis, I reckon he’d get HIV.”  
Ryan wheezed, “You’re not helping your case, Josh.” To which Josh just laughed. 

The two returned to silence with Josh watching the episode while Ryan went on his phone, his arm still wrapped around Josh. “Oh shit, oh no.” Ryan tensed.   
Josh looked up from where he was snuggled into Ryan’s side. “You good bro?” 

Before Ryan could answer Josh’s phone began to buzz, with people retweeting and tagging him on Twitter. “You did not…” Josh groaned, opening his phone and seeing the photo of him with the makeup.   
“It was an accident!” Ryan cried, panicking.  
Josh laughed, not completely annoyed. “I better get a modelling gig out of this.”  
“You’re not mad? Or stressed?” Ryan asked in disbelief.  
“No?” Josh cocked an eyebrow. “It’s all in good nature. Should I be mad?”   
Ryan laughed, shaking his head. “Sorry, I forgot that I wasn’t with Tyler.”  
Josh nodded, going through his notifications. “People are loving the look, Ry.” Josh smiled, showing Ryan his phone.   
“Really? Wow, I thought that people only complimented it cause they liked me.”   
“Nah, man, you’re good at this shit.” Josh nodded.  
“I tried to do it on Brendon once before a show and he went ape shit.”  
“He’s just self-conscious. And a dickwad.” Josh nodded.   
“As much as I would love to disagree, you’re right.” Ryan paused and moved closer. “Now, I’m telling Josh this, not Joshua Dun… but Jon wants to leave the band.”  
Josh took no offence to the comment, nodding gently. “I’m sorry man, what’re you thinking about that?”  
“Well… he told me. And he wants me to go with him.”  
“What’re you gonna do Ry?” Josh asked gently, resting his head back on the older boy’s shoulder.   
Ryan liked the other boy’s touch, shrugging helplessly. “I don’t know. I’m not happy but I can’t just leave. I’ve known Spencer and Brendon for so long.”   
Josh nodded, sighing. “I’m sorry you’ve gotta deal with that.”  
“I don’t know what to do, Josh. Brendon would never speak to me again.”  
Josh didn’t know what to say, so in return he just hugged into the boy. Ryan rathered the affection over Josh’s opinion anyway, so he clung to Josh, taking in deep breaths in an effort to keep it together.  
“I haven’t even told Tyler, I’m a terrible friend.” Ryan murmured.   
“It’s hard to say scary things to people you care about, Ry. He’d understand.” Josh cooed.   
“But still, he’s got that ‘Josh is the enemy’ mindset implanted into his brain. He’ll think I betrayed him.”  
Josh nodded. “I guess you’re right.”  
Ryan suddenly sat upright, “I’m going to go cook us something. I need to clear my mind.”  
“I’m gonna put another show on then. Call me if you need some help.” Josh smiled, laying back on the couch.   
“Do you mind if I go to smoke on the balcony?” Ryan asked, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and a joint.   
“It’s your house, man. But Nah, I don’t mind.”  
Ryan smiled before slipping out onto the balcony and closing the door behind him. Not even 20 minutes later Ryan was back inside, his moods now slightly slower than before and he had a shit-eating grin on his face.   
“Man, getting high with Tyler is so much better, he has some good shit.” Ryan laughed dumbly as he made his way into the kitchen. “How about fish fingers and spaghetti?”  
“You know the way into a man’s heart, Ryan,” Josh called back in confirmation.   
It wasn’t Ryan’s first time cooking while stoned, in fact, he believed he could cook better after smoking weed. “Can you remind me to go grocery shopping for you and Tyler tomorrow?” He asked from the kitchen.  
“...Why? I can buy groceries.”  
Ryan’s head appeared from around the fridge. “How do you think all your groceries appear in your kitchen? I know for a fact that it has been months since either you or Brendon went near a supermarket.”  
Josh looked down at the floor. “Can you buy cornflakes… I finished them this morning…”  
Ryan grinned as he closed the fridge door so he could get to the three sets of notepads attached to the metal door. He clicked a pen on his thigh before writing cornflakes to the list labelled J+B.   
“Can you grab some plates from the cupboard?”   
Josh slowly stood up, getting Ryan his favourite green plates that he picked up on tour.   
Ryan strained the spaghetti, coughing from the steam that shot out and into his face before serving it up onto each plate and piling fish fingers on top.  
“Man I’ve been craving this for so long… or maybe it’s the weed.”  
“It’s the weed.” Josh nodded, sitting down and eating after thanking Ryan.   
“Don’t thank me, man. I like the company and this isn’t anything special.”  
“I ate half a box of cereal today with my hands, Ryan. This is special.”

Ryan laughed, “Come on, eat up and then maybe I’ll let you go.”


	8. 7. Disappearance

When Ryan arrived to a quiet house the next day, with a bag of groceries in hand, he knew that Josh was gone. He had picked up the signs when Josh had showed up at his apartment the previous night, ranging from the fact that he had travelled on his motorbike and the fact that he was so calm and distant. It wasn’t the first time. Ryan had seen it multiple times on tour, when Josh would come along as a friend of Brendon’s, or just as a journalist writing a special issue. He would act strange and then disappear for 24 hours, or more than 5 days without warning, always just meeting them at their next stop without an explanation of where he went.

It got to the point where the others would stop asking, just carry on in faith that Josh would always be back in the end. Nobody ever asked where he went and Josh didn’t feel the need to tell anyone, not even Brendon who everyone believed knew everything about the young boy.   
Ryan wasn’t sure of the last time Josh left, but it definitely hadn’t been recent. 

Ryan began to put the groceries away in the silent house, knowing that he did not need to do this. Especially when Brendon was laid passed out on the couch. As always, Ryan ignored these facts, finishing what he was doing before leaving to go see Tyler. 

Your highs and your lows  
And your manic depression  
It comes and it goes  
-Andrew Jackson Jihad, People II: The reckoning

Tuesday had become Tyler’s favourite day of the week. Technically, it had always been his favourite day considering Ryan and his’ brunches, only now with the exception of brunch being an excuse to see Josh.

So as he sat down in the booth across from Ryan and Jenna served them he was happy, of course, albeit a bit confused. Josh was usually the first one to their table or at least making some fuss around the store. When Tyler was not met by the shrill sound of Josh’s voice or his annoying face he was actually upset, so he voiced this curiosity to Ryan. 

“Why isn’t Josh working today? I thought he always worked Tuesdays.” Tyler sighed.   
“He’s out of town,” Ryan said casually.   
Tyler gasped. “Instead of working? I mean, I thought he had bad morals but that’s over the top!” 

As Jenna returned to the pair with Ryan’s usual and a new sickly sweet breakfast for Tyler, Tyler spoke up instead of thanking her. “Where’s Josh today?” He asked.  
“Oh, he texted me at like 3 am last night saying that he wasn’t going to be in for a while. Didn’t say how long though.” Jenna explained, placing a hand on his hip. “Do you two know if he’s okay?”

Ryan spoke up quickly. “He’s fine.”  
Tyler and Jenna both turned to look at Ryan with an eyebrow raised.  
“Since when does ‘fine’, ever mean fine?” Tyler asked.  
“You’re so dramatic.” Ryan sighed. “Jenna, is it alright if we have some space?”  
Jenna sighed and rolled her eyes, but still smiled. “That’s okay, just let me know if my staff member is dead.” 

Tyler watched her until she made it to the coffee machine before surging forward across the table. “So, where is that brat?”  
Ryan shrugged, sipping his coffee. “Hell if I know.”  
“Don’t play dumb, Ross. I know he was with you before he disappeared.” Tyler interrogated him.  
“Ok, fine, he’s buried under the complex. You can’t tell anyone!” Ryan teased.  
“Shut up, you asshole. Why won’t you tell me?” Tyler pouted.  
“He didn’t say anything before he left. Why do you care so much anyway?”   
“I-... I don’t know.” Tyler spluttered, truly stumped.  
Ryan shot him a knowing glance before shrugging again. “He’ll be back soon enough.”  
“How do you know?”  
“He does- Did this all the time, back on tour.” Ryan hummed.

“Did he ever get hurt? How long was he usually gone for?” Tyler frowned.  
“I mean- He got hurt but it probably isn’t related. Maybe a night? Or like, 3 days.”   
“He got hurt before?” Tyler’s eyes widened.  
“Ty, people get hurt all the time.” Ryan sighed, not at all phased by their conversation.  
“But not Josh.” He frowned. “People like me get hurt because I’m usually asking for it, people like him don’t seem like the type of person to start a fight.”  
Ryan grinned. “You really need to hang out with Josh more, the man’s badass.”  
“Not when he’s crying over Gucci.” Tyler rolled his eyes.  
“Absolutely not.” Ryan laughed.  
Tyler stood up. “I’m going to go look for clues.”  
“What the fuck have you drank at 11 am to already be this weird.” Ryan sighed.  
“The power of friendship, Ross.”  
“Tyler…” Ryan laughed.

“I’m not kidding, I’ll catch you later. Just going to go see if little Joshua is hiding away at home or something, if I was missing, I’d always check my own house first.”  
Ryan sighed and just nodded, humouring Tyler. 

Tyler slipped out of his seat and took off towards the door, not even noticing the pillow that he knocked off as he set his mind on Josh and Brendon’s home. It wasn’t far, he could probably even jog there. Not that he would though, Tyler’s lungs and overall health, in general, was terrible.   
“Thank you for the coffee, Jen!” He called into the kitchen as he sped through the open doorway which was coated in a wall of hanging beads. 

Tyler didn’t believe that Josh was gone and even he didn’t really understand why. Maybe it was because Josh just didn’t seem the type, or more specifically that no one just disappeared for fun except for people like Tyler. Josh had mentioned being homeless so it didn’t take a genius to work out that the guy hadn’t had a perfect childhood, but Tyler couldn’t think of anyone he knew who did. Perhaps he cared about Josh more than the narrow-sighted part of his mind let on. Perhaps he was comparing Josh to himself too much and feared that a random disappearance could lead to something drastic.

Perhaps Tyler feared that Josh wasn’t going to come back.

Tyler was picky about who he let into his life and if Josh was going to throw their budding friendship into the gutter-... Tyler wouldn’t let that happen. Josh was a rarity. He called Tyler out when he was being a jerk and as much as he hated being told he was wrong, he felt like he could breathe easier. He hated having people do whatever he asked of them as if he were some God because it always had a negative effect on him. He’d feel so dehumanised, but he couldn’t make a fuss because that’s what every celebrity goes through. Even his parents would tell him to suck it up whenever he mentioned the stress back home. He craved people like Josh. 

Tyler found that the only thing which could numb his pain was drugs because sometimes the thoughts which plagued his mind were too blasphemous for him to even voice to Ryan. So he’d curl up on his bed and pick his poison, whether it was a line of cocaine, a pyramid of ecstasy, a pile of marijuana, or shot of heroin. It always helped despite the neverending lists of life-long problems drug abuse could bring on because feeling numb was a lot more tolerable than the looming desire of death. 

The drive to Brendon’s house passed by a lot quicker than he thought.

He plugged in the code to Brendon’s front gate and parked right out front, not bothering to use the garage as he didn’t plan on staying long.  
“Brendon!” He called after pushing open the front door, not the least bit surprised that it wasn’t even locked.   
Less than a minute later Brendon came down the stairs dressed in nothing but a robe and with a pissed off look on his face.  
“Why are you here? I’m in the middle of something.” Brendon grumbled.  
Tyler rolled his eyes. “Gosh, at least refer to them as people and not things.”   
“If you’re here just to be a dick, you can leave.”  
“Actually I’m here to ask if you know where Josh is.”  
Brendon leaned against the wall. “Didn’t you have brunch with Ryan earlier? I thought he’d already told you?”  
“He told me that Josh is gone and I don’t believe him.”  
“Well he’s not lying, Josh used to do this all the time. It was only a matter of when, when he’d take off again.”  
Tyler’s nerves showed on his face. “But he’ll be back right?”  
“He always comes back, the longest he was gone was for only a week. Chill out.”  
“Sorry if my anxiety over the situation is affecting your boner.” Tyler scowled.

He had ignored it until now, but the tent inside Brendon’s bathrobe could not be unnoticed.  
Brendon only smirked, “You’re so tense, Joseph. Care to join us upstairs?”  
“You disgust me, Urie.” ‘Think of Ryan!’ He wanted to add, but bit his tongue.  
Brendon wasn’t phased, “Your loss.” He said before quickly going back upstairs.

Tyler stood there awkwardly for a while longer, looking around the room and taking it in, mentally comparing it to the party back in 2007. He did that a lot here.   
He then hesitantly went upstairs, trying to remember the way to Josh’s bedroom from sparse glances. There had been plenty of times that he had followed Ryan upstairs and caught glimpses of the bedroom whenever Josh left his door open. Tyler specifically remembered the time when he had noticed that Josh had taken down all of the posters which had anything to do with Tyler Joseph.

He avoided the door which emitted loud moans and other strange sounds, instead picking the door with the scratched handle and pushing it open. 

Tyler closed the door behind him, thanking God for the black soundproofing foam Josh had covering his walls alongside posters. Tyler thought Josh had been a drummer and this only confirmed it, alongside blocking out whatever hellish noise came from Brendon’s room. 

The problem was that Tyler was stuck in the eerily quiet room without an idea of where to look for ‘clues’. He looked up at the map on the wall, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw pins strung across it. This would be helpful if it wasn’t a map of Zelda’s ‘Hyrule’. Disappointed in both himself and Josh, he turned to the closet on his right, sliding the door open. 

Tyler saw nothing wrong in looking through Josh’s belongings, the boys were friends, weren’t they? But of course, if they were friends Josh would’ve told Tyler where he was. 

Ignoring the dull ache in his chest, Tyler began to sort through the clothing hung up in Josh’s closet. Tyler became discouraged by the number of empty clothes-hangers in the closet. 

He turned away, going to sit on Josh’s bed and letting out a small sigh. Tyler laid back, staring at the roof that appeared red from the dull coloured lightbulbs Josh wasted his money on, Tyler couldn’t believe that he had chosen to keep them after all these years.

The range of posters was impressive at the least, covering maybe a quarter of the room in which Josh’s bed rested. While Tyler was amused by some of the posters he felt his breath pulled out of his throat when he stared back at himself. Poster-Tyler was maybe only 17 and looked so much more alive than he did now. Tyler remembered the concerts he sold this poster at and how genuinely happy he was with his life at that time. While his depression had still raged on then, the high that performing his music, before he had to deal with all the baggage of popularity, there was nothing he could compare it too.

Then something inside him snapped, and suddenly the thought anyone seeing him- even on stage, it made him feel sick to the stomach. He couldn’t enjoy performing any more and anxiety drowned out his sadness like the beating of his heart in his ears. At first, it was just marijuana, something to stop him from hyperventilating before and during shows, then he needed something stronger. However when he finally departed the stage and did not plan on coming back, that’s when he relied on them the most, that’s when it got bad.

“How long are you planning on staying?” Brendon asked, standing in the doorway just as he had at the stairs only now fully dressed.   
Tyler’s head snapped up in surprise, how long had he been standing there? “Sorry, lost track of time.”  
“You need to leave before I go out. Don’t want you stealing all of mine and Josh’s shit just because you have some weird vendetta against us.” Brendon glared.   
“I’m not some crazy ex-girlfriend.”   
“Exactly, you’re worse.”   
“How are you so calm about this? About Josh?” Tyler glared at the other.  
“He does a lot of weird shit, I’m expecting him to be back in like three days. It’s not that big of a deal.” Brendon shrugged.   
“What if he doesn’t come back?”  
Brendon was quiet for a moment as Tyler had struck a nerve. He forced out a laugh. “He always comes back. You don’t know him like I do. Josh is my best friend.”   
“You’re right that I don’t know him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t worry about him. Can’t you send out the Brendon Urie Secret Police or something?”  
Brendon rolled his eyes. “You’re worrying too much,” He started before adding, “This isn’t your problem, you should just stay out of it.”   
“Why are you so against me all the time?” Tyler seethed.  
“You’re a dick.” He said casually.  
“Care to clarify?”   
Brendon sighed. “You’re so fucking arrogant. The way you present yourself is so dehumanising for other celebrities like me in the media. And not-to-fucking-mention how you’ve treated Josh these past few years.” He stated matter-of-factly.  
Tyler was stunned into silence, feeling the pain spread through his entire body as he felt his heart was dragged through the dirt, all the way back to before 2007.  
He stood there with his gaze at the floor and his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish. Gosh, the old Tyler who hadn’t befriended Josh would have just laughed in Brendon’s face, but it was as if the aura in Josh’s bedroom had pulled down his defence and refused to allow him a second to recompose himself.   
“First time someone told you the truth in a while, huh?” Brendon smirked.   
Tyler’s finger twitched at his side and his teeth sunk into his lower lip, he refused to let Brendon-fucking-Urie be the one to hurt him like this.  
“No, it’s not. But people like Josh see something else, I think. Because while you were out partying we went out shopping- and it might seem like nothing compared to what you get up to but it was fun.” Tyler exclaimed, his voice airy. He didn’t know what he was saying, but it made him feel good- even if it was just incoherent rambling.  
“Do you think he’s a fucking charity case? Just because he was grateful that you spent money on him doesn’t mean you two are two peas in a pod.”  
“If it was just the money, do you think he would have gotten mad at me and called me out on my bullshit? Or told me shit about his past that makes me feel sick?”   
“Do you feel more human now that you know about someone else’s suffering? Welcome to the real world, Tyler Joseph! We’ve been waiting for you.”  
“Speak for yourself, Urie. You know, after you get that cock out of your mouth.” Tyler could feel the bad side of him crawling over his back the longer the argument lasted. Perhaps he overestimated the ability Josh’s room held over him, besides, Josh wasn’t even here now.  
“Jesus Christ, Tyler. We can’t get through one argument without you bringing up your homophobic old-timey religion bullshit.”   
“My religion has nothing to do with this, Brendon. You were literally in the middle of a threesome when I got here!”  
“You’re only here because you’re so obsessed with Josh anyways! Get the fuck out of my house.” He glared.   
Tyler stood his ground for a moment longer before snatching a hoodie from Josh’s bed and shoving his way passed Brendon. As he made his way down the hall he held it up. “Ransom.”  
“You’re such a creep,” Brendon called out.   
Tyler only flipped him off as he disappeared down the stairs, walking to his car and making sure to grease Brendon off as his car skidded in the gravel driveway before finally taking off.

Raise your hands now to testify  
Your confession will be crucified  
You're a sacrificial suicide  
Like a dog that's been sodomized   
-Green Day, East Jesus Nowhere

Just as Ryan had said, Josh had taken off in the early hours of the morning before the traffic had built up. Josh had always found comfort in the silence of the hills and the sound of his motorcycle polluting it. He loved the vibrations that made his hands tremble and the soft purr which was a little below obnoxious to those who were trying to sleep. The drive through the hills was a cleansing shower for Josh’s mind and just like that, he found himself in Las Vegas. 

Josh had a mental plan for what he had to do and decided to get a headstart before booking a hotel room. To be honest, he wasn’t sure how long he’d be gone for and hadn’t thought to bring his cell, not even his MP3 player. He was taking a short break from music and he would be gone until his list had been fulfilled.

Step one: Get a tongue piercing. 

Josh was a man with morals and hygienic standards, so he wasn’t going to some run of the mill beauty salon. He searched his mind for the tattoo parlour he used to hear Brendon’s friends’ praise. He parked outside the lavish shop and tucked his helmet under his arm, walking through the mostly empty car park and pushing open the door.

“Hello, how can I help you today?” A voice spoke up from the front counter. The guy was around Josh’s age, tall and lanky compared to Josh but with a soft jawline and round eyes. His most noticeable feature is that his hair was dyed electric blue. Josh found himself fixating on both the slit in his eyebrow and the Medusa piercing he sported well.   
“Not with much, do you do tongue piercings?” Josh asked shyly.   
“I don’t, but Melody does. She loves doing tongue piercings- not in a creepy way. She’s just passionate about her job. Mel!” The guy explained, laughing awkwardly before calling out a name.  
“What’s up, Franky? Oh! A customer. Are you after a piercing?” Asked a soft voice. 

The person who the voice belonged to was strange looking in the most radical way going. She was short and chubby, with pale skin and pitch-black hair which covered her eyebrows in neat bangs. Her sharp winged eyeliner matched her smooth black, and white collared, dress and rolled well with her numerous piercings. Her canine bites and bridge piercings, combined with the numerous pieces in his ears, should have been overwhelming but she pulled them off well.  
Josh realised he was staring.

“Sorry.” He apologised with rosy cheeks but Melody only smiled. “Could I get a tongue piercing?”  
Melody nodded, “Of course, I actually have one myself.” She stuck out her tongue so that Josh could see the black stud and he shivered in excitement.  
“Yeah, that’s what I want. Are you free now or should I come by later?”  
“We’re free for the rest of the day besides hair cuts but people don’t really book. Usually, it’s the regulars or wandering travellers like yourself.” Francis piped up.   
“I’ll take you around to the piercing table, have you had any piercings before? Or should I run everything through with you first?” Melody asked, leading him away from the desk.

“I’ve had a few.” Josh shrugs. “How long is this gonna take to heal? I know the mouth usually takes longer.”   
“It depends, usually around two weeks or so until you can at least kiss someone again. But that’s just from personal experience.” Melody giggled, shooting a look to Francis.   
“Are you… are you two together?” Josh asked hesitantly.  
She smiled brightly. “Yeah, how lucky am I?” She said before shaking her head. “But you aren’t paying me to talk about that, so sit down.” 

Josh sat in the seat, watching Melody sterilise the equipment and looking over at Francis who was booking someone in for a tattoo. 

“Actually, I’d love to hear about it if you don’t mind. I’m a sucker for romance but I’m stuck in unrequited love.” Josh laughed sadly.   
“Aw, honey…” Melody cooed sadly as she picked up the needle. “How bad is it?”   
“He’s way too paranoid and hated my guts up until… a week ago.”  
“Well-“  
“And he’s Christian.” 

Melody cringed. “Okay, that’s pretty bad. If it helps- hold out your tongue, sweetie-“ She instructed Josh, sterilising the part of Josh’s tongue she would pierce. “My parents were super homophobic. Then they were transphobic when they found out I was with Franky. Freaked me the fuck out at first but I got over it eventually.” Melody rambled, putting an ink dot where the needle would go. 

Josh didn’t even flinch as the needle pierced his tongue, barely feeling the needle transfer to a bar before Melody fluently spun on the ball stud. 

“How does it feel?”  
“Weird.” Josh mumbled, pushing his tongue against his cheek and then teeth before adding, “Painful too.”   
“Yeah, that’s the usual but it’ll heal quick. Were you after anything else? A haircut? A tattoo? A hug?”   
Josh laughed before checking his wallet, “all of the above?” 

And so from there, Josh got a quick haircut from Francis, then spent the rest of the time, while waiting for the tattooist to finish up on his current client, chatting to the couple like old friends. The two were really cool and were the type of people you could vent to for twenty minutes, then quickly swap to talking about your favourite chocolate bar. They were kind, and after every appointment they had, they’d come straight back to Josh who was resting on one of the couches in the back.


	9. 8. Uno

Josh hadn’t felt the weight of driving for so long on such little sleep until now, and sleep had never felt so tempting. Josh didn’t even remember dozing off until Melody had gently shaken awake, Francis at her side.

“Sorry, I should have offered earlier but you can sleep on one of the couches in the back room if you’d like.” Francis rocked from foot to foot behind Melody.  
Josh shook his head, “Sorry, that’s okay. I didn’t even mean to fall asleep.”   
“Josh- it’s Josh, right? You look like you’re seconds away from passing out. There’s no way we’re letting you drive off from here in a state like this.”  
Josh sat up straight, “I’m okay, I promise. Besides, I don’t want to be a hassle.”  
Melody rolled her eyes. “There’s no point in trying to argue with Franky, he always gets his way.”  
“I can even give you a massage if you’d like.” Francis perked up.  
“Ooh, Francis gives the best massages. Not like me though. I have sausage fingers.”   
“I love your sausage fingers,” Francis spoke in a hushed tone, rubbing Melody’s hand in between his own.  
“I know you do.” Melody giggled, pecking Francis’ nose.

It would have made some people uncomfortable seeing their confidence in showing their love in public, but Josh loved it. The majority, if not all, of the people he knew, had paranoia of being watched and most definitely did not PDA. Josh understood why, after all, he’d slept with Haley Williams two years ago and was still ‘Joshua Dun, that journalist who showed Hayley Williams good sex’. 

It didn’t affect his ability to find work, but ⅔ interviews he had it would be brought up. He envied this couple because even though their lives had complications in the past and present, they were unafraid of showing their love. It was times like this, just for a minute, that he wished he’d never gotten popular as a music journalist.

Then, Tyler slipped straight into Josh’s mind. He suddenly felt guilty because for the first time he could picture the lifestyle that Tyler held. He couldn’t think of the last time Tyler had a relationship, and with the mass of fame, he held Josh didn’t doubt that if he did the media would know. God, Josh was complaining about his popularity, but it was nothing compared to Tyler Joseph. 

Once paparazzi caught a photo of him smoking weed out on his balcony and Josh was wrapped, back then any photos of the guy were rewarded with a pay rise. He felt no pity for the guy, even after Ryan told him that after that Tyler refused to leave his house for three whole months. Tyler May be an asshole but Josh was just as cruel as he could be back before he actually knew him.

“Josh, sweetie, have you made up your mind?” Josh registered Melody’s voice, and then her gentle hand on his shoulder.  
Josh blinked a few times before looking up at her. “Sorry. Yeah, okay, I guess I am pretty tired.”

Josh smiled sheepishly as Francis helped him up and he was lead through a door and into the back room. It was small and had a few other doorways leading to different places, in the corner was a small kitchen and in the centre was a large couch, coffee table, and a small tv. 

“No one comes in here besides Melody, Dom and myself. The boss is interstate this week.” Francis reassured Josh.  
“Dom?”   
“Yeah, the big beefy tattoo artist. He also goes by Taurus or something, at least that was his nickname in prison.” Melody explained casually.   
“Prison?” Josh raised his eyebrows.  
“Yeah, he was falsely accused of murder a while back. However, after like, seven years they realised that he was framed and caught the real guy.”  
“Oh.. I’m glad?” 

The bell rang in the front room and Melody quickly made her way back to the door. “Dom and I can manage the customers. You two chill out here.” The pair then watched her slip out and close the door behind her.  
“She’s a lovely girl.” Josh smiled at Francis, sitting down on the couch.   
“She is. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else as my fiancé.”  
“You’re engaged?” Josh asked and Francis grinned as he held up his ring finger for Josh to see. “Congrats, dude.”   
“Thank you. Now, take off your shirt if you’re okay with that and get comfy. I’ll be back in a second.”

Josh did as Francis said and slipped his shirt off, folding it up and dropping it onto the floor before lying on the couch with his face down.   
“Take a look at this magic,” Francis said later, Josh watching curiously as the other clicked something and the back of the couch dropped down onto stands so that it was flat. The armrests soon followed.  
“Cool, yeah? It was a gift from the boss.” Francis spoke quickly with a bright smile.  
“It is pretty cool.” Josh laughed, the guy’s aura making him feel just as cheerful.

Francis then climbed onto the bed, shuffling over to Josh on his knees and placing a clear glass bottle of oil on the space next to him.   
His smooth hands trailed over Josh’s shoulders and down his back. “Gosh, you’re tense. When was the last time you had a massage? Or even did yoga?”   
Josh just shrugged, enjoying the feeling of Francis’ warm hands.  
“I’ll take that as never.”

Francis’ hands worked over Josh’s body fluently, finding any tense knots and working them out. Some parts did hurt but Josh knew that it would help him in the end, besides, not even halfway through he was fast asleep.

Josh slept like a log until it got dark, and when Francis woke him up it was only because they were closing the shop.   
“Oh shit, is there any hotels near here? I need someplace to charge my laptop.”   
Francis glanced over to Melody, “you could spend the night at our place?”  
Josh quickly shook his head, “No, no way. You’ve done enough for me already.”  
“Josh, we want you to come home with us.” Francis grinned slyly at the other boy.   
Josh’s cheeks started to heat up. He looked over at Melody who was focused on something else but looked up to smile at him, then back to Francis.   
“I- Fine, just so I can charge my laptop,” Josh mumbled. 

The pair left in their car and Josh followed close behind on his motorbike, arriving at their house just over ten minutes later. Josh focused on parking his bike on the curb before looking up at the quaint home. 

Compared to Josh’s place, this one really looked like a home. It was a small, red-brick sort of one-story house. Josh followed the pair inside after Melody the unlocked the house. The two took their shoes off at the front door so Josh did the same. 

The smell of incense flooded Josh’s nostrils as he stepped inside. The warm appearance was amplified to the extreme on the inside of their house and Josh felt a pleasant sense of security.   
“Do you want some tea?” Francis asked Josh as he hung his coat up, going across the living room into what Josh assumed was a kitchen.   
“Yes, please.” Josh smiled shyly, trying to subtly look around the room. 

“Are you two always this friendly to customers?” Josh hummed, looking up at the wall which was littered with picture frames of Melody, Francis and many people Josh couldn’t even pretend to know.  
“Of course not.” Melody grinned. “Just the pretty ones.”  
Josh felt the familiar burn settle across his cheeks. “You guys have gotta stop doing that.”  
“Doing what?” She smiled, following Josh’s glance to a photo of the two surrounded by others. “That’s Franky’s family.” Melody nodded.   
“Oh- I’m not trying to like- invade your privacy, or whatever. I’m just kinda nosey. ‘S my job.” 

Melody looked over at Josh with a curious frown, “What is your job, Josh?”  
Confusion settled across Josh’s face before realisation struck, he wasn’t usually around people who weren’t aware of his profession. “Oh, yeah. I’m a journalist.”  
Melody’s face lit up with interest. “Really? In what category?”   
“Mostly music.” He shrugged.  
“That’s really cool. Well, Franky and I aren’t very private people, especially after a few glasses of wine, so ask away, Josh.”   
Josh laughed gently. “I really don’t wanna intrude more than I already am.”  
“Nah.” Melody shook her head and waved her hand in disagreement. “You have to chill out, Josh. We aren’t the kind of people who’ll write a paragraph about how you’re- I don’t know, ‘a selfish pig who accidentally and harmlessly drooled on his pillow while napping’ and send it into the media.” 

Josh was unsure of how he already felt so comfortable with these barely-strangers but he decided he was allowed to complain. “Sorry. I’m just kinda on edge asking shit ‘cause of this guy I’m into. He’s so paranoid and I’m always walking on eggshells and it sucks. I really wanna get to know you guys more though.”  
“Wait, the Christian-homophobic guy you mentioned a few times back in the shop?”  
“His name is Tyler.” Josh said quickly before adding, “Yeah, him.”  
“Let me guess? Is he in the music industry too? Cause all you guys seem so uptight because of it.”  
He laughed. “You’re spot on, man.”  
“Well, we aren’t ‘Tyler’ and we’re pretty hard to offend. As long as you’re not an asshole but whatever.”   
“I’m nice,” Josh mumbled.  
“Sure, Sweetie. You rock up at our shop before lunch, running on absolute minimum hours of sleep, and expect me to believe that you have a clean conscience?”   
“Any crimes I may have committed are completely unrelated to my personality.” Josh joked.  
Melody giggled and put a hand on Josh’s shoulder, “Let’s go see what Franky’s up to. Shall we?”  
Josh nods as he melts into her touch, putting his hands into his pockets awkwardly.

Mel lead him down towards the kitchen where Francis was setting the table. “I made dinner, leftovers tonight. Would you like tea?”   
“Please,” Josh responded quietly, still looking around shyly.  
Melody pulled out a chair for Josh before sitting in the one beside him, subtly shuffling closer so that their hips and shoulders touched. She was warm.   
“Chai, green tea or English Breakfast?” Francis asked, placing the kettle on the stove.   
“Green, thank you.” He smiled.  
The three settled into a comfortable silence while Francis made them tea and carried the food onto the table.   
“Gosh, it’s quiet in here isn’t it?” Francis asked as they began to serve up. Melody nodded in agreement but did not stop in the task of loading up Josh’s plate with as much food as it could hold, it looked healthy and delicious. Nothing like Chinese take out back in LA.

Josh nodded to Francis’ statement as he watched Melody, amused by the treatment but feeling unworthy. “You don’t have to give me so much, I’m freeloading and this is your food.” He shrugged.  
“Nuh-uh, Franky went to culinary school for a while and his cooking is crazy good. It’s healthy too, and believe it or not but all of this is actually vegan.” Melody said proudly while Francis blushed.  
“Well, thank you both,” Josh said quietly, waiting for them both to get some food so that he could eat.

The other two served up their food but while Mel started to eat, Francis got up to put on a CD. “Oh, I love this album.” He said as he slotted a disk into the machine and adjusted the volume.   
Just as Josh began to eat he almost choked, speaking up to play it off. “Yeah, I love it too…”  
“Josh? You okay? You don’t look so good. You don’t have any allergies do you?” Mel asked worriedly.   
“No-No! This is just- This is Tyler.” He said quickly, smiling awkwardly at Melody.  
The two looked at Josh with wide eyes, the only sound being Tyler Joseph’s soft singing in the background. “Hold on. Crazy-Homophobic-Christian-Sap-Tyler… is Tyler Joseph?”  
Josh giggled, blushing. “Yeah.” He said before he just began to eat again.

“...Then that just confirms it.” Francis said in a whisper as he slid back into his seat.  
“Confirms what?” Josh asked, looking up once more.   
Francis leaned forward. “Do you remember a person named Freya? They lived on the streets for quite some time.”  
Josh was quiet for a moment, thinking. “I think- Wait, no way! Dude!” Josh smiled at Francis knowingly.  
“I could never forget you, Mr Big-Shot. I recognised you as soon as you came in and I said: ‘Mel! That’s him- that’s the bagel guy!’.”  
“Shit, man I feel bad now.” Josh frowned. “You’ve changed so much, I’m so proud.”  
Francis smiled brightly. “I am too. When I first started living on the streets I was so scared that I started going by she/her again. I think that I would still live in that fear if I had not met Mel- or you.”  
“Franky! You have to tell the bagel story again. I love it so much.” Melody giggled excitedly, rubbing Josh’s shoulder.  
“Well, if I remember correctly, it was a cold day in Columbus and I had not eaten in so, so long. Then this guy my age comes up to me and he says nothing- just holds out a black poppy seed bagel. I nearly ran, I was so scared of other people but I trusted him. We stuck together for a while but naturally, people just drift apart. Josh was my partner in crime. The hope of seeing him again in the future gave me a reason to live. He’s the one who cut my hair short again for me.” Francis said wistfully. 

“Fuck,” Josh whispered to himself, lifting his sleeve up to wipe his eye subtly. “I missed you so much, man. I was so worried something would happen to you on the streets.”  
“Same to you. Then years later your name starts popping up everywhere. How did that happen?”  
“It’s really embarrassing, actually.” Josh laughed gently, shrugging off the question.  
“Oh, come on. Give a man some tips, I’d love to be famous like you.” Francis said half-jokingly.

“I slept with someone famous,” Josh mumbled, looking down at his legs.   
Francis didn’t seem all that phased. “One thing that the streets taught me is that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.”   
Josh just shrugged in response, eating some more so that he didn’t have to talk through the embarrassment.   
“Hey don’t be shy. No matter what, you’ll always be ‘Josh the bagel guy’ to us.” Mel said reassuringly, wrapping an arm around him.  
Josh laughed gently, leaning into her unintentionally. “I guess that’s a good legacy to have.”

The trio finished their meals in a comfortable chatter, Josh offering to help Melody when she got up to do the dishes. She only laughed, pushing him away gently. “Hasn’t the adrenaline washed off? Go relax, you and Francis are the stars today.” Melody smiled, turning away from Josh once more. 

“Wanna watch a movie with me?” Francis asked as Josh walked into the living room. Josh nodded in return, going to sit next to him on the sofa. They sat at opposite ends, more for Josh’s comfort than anything. He definitely wasn’t sure where he fits in with the pair’s dynamic and was terrified of pushing any boundaries. 

Josh didn’t actually pay much attention to the film which Francis had put on, he was exhausted and he still had so much to process. He couldn’t believe that Francis had come so far, leaving him was one of Josh’s biggest regrets, and now he was sure that he wouldn’t lose contact with him again.

“What else have you got planned, Josh?” Francis asked, looking over to Josh.   
It took a moment for Josh to register the question but he spoke up quickly. “I know it’s lame, but I wanna try my hand at the Casinos. Just to like, figure out how much I hate them.” He grinned. “Then it’s just some more,” Josh held up air quotes, “personal development.” He placed his hands back on his lap. “That sorta shit, I just needed a break really.”  
Francis cackled loudly at Josh’s joke, “I get what you mean. I can take you if you’d like? Just to make sure that you don’t accidentally spend all your cash and can’t get home.”  
Josh laughed. “I’d like that very much.”  
Francis smiled at how Josh didn’t deny him. “Aw, gone all soft now?”   
“I’m not soft,” Josh started. “Just a little warm around the edges.”   
Francis laughed again, “you always were tougher than I was, you weirdo.”   
“I don’t know man, you underestimate yourself way too much.” He hummed.  
“I think my hairy legs and bad odour actually worked as a forcefield.”   
“Absolutely.” Josh grinned, looking over at Francis with his gaze wandering all over the changed man.   
Francis stares straight back at him, taking in the changes in Josh’s appearance too. He was no longer scrawny and the bags under his eyes were gone, he looked so genuinely happy. 

Francis scooted over and took Josh’s hands in his own, “I’m so happy to see you again, Bagel Man.”   
Josh smiled adoringly, squeezing his hands gently. “The feeling’s so mutual.”  
“Gosh, get a room.” Melody walked in, rolling her eyes jokingly and smiling at the two.   
She did not doubt Francis’ love for her, and she understood the connection they had that many could not relate to. 

Josh let go of Francis’ hands gently, moving over to the side of the couch so Melody had space to sit. Melody sat down between the two of them and pulled both boys into her sides, wrapping an arm around each of them and squeezing them tightly together. “My two little babies back together…” She cooed happily. 

Josh smiled bashfully, reaching to hold the hand Melody had around him. Minutes passed and Mel’s hold did not weaken, it appeared that she was ready, and happy, to cuddle both Josh and Francis all night. 

Once Josh’s heart settled down once more he focused on the movie, moving impossibly closer to Melody to get comfortable. Josh didn’t understand why beauty expectations wanted people to be deathly thin, Melody was like a massive, warm pillow who could hold more gentle love and compassion than any Victoria’s Secret model.

Josh, being completely exhausted, fell asleep where he was sitting before the movie’s end credits rolled. It took Francis a while to convince Mel that Josh would be fine if she left him to sleep in her own bed, but finally, she complied and Josh was given a soft pillow and blanket. The pair were especially proud that they had done so without waking the sleeping boy.

Don't be so sentimental, no  
This is love is accidental, so  
Give it up, this was never meant to be  
More than a memory for you  
-All Time Low, Break Your Little Heart

Josh wholeheartedly lost track of the days as they passed, not bothering to check his laptop and slowly getting used to the ghost feeling of his phone in his pocket. He never brought his cell on trips like these and was contempt with just hanging out with Mel and Francis. Finally, days later he was sitting in the shop and decided to turn on his laptop.

Josh had been interviewing many of the people who came to the shop, mostly for tattoos, and had fun writing their answers down on a notepad. Francis even said that maybe he’d have them made into a little book for people to read through while getting a tattoo or a haircut. However, as soon as he turned it on he wished he never did. 

He didn’t look through his twitter direct messages, just the onslaught of questioning fans demanding to know why he looked so similar to the guy with Tyler Joseph. One photo was from the airport in California, the other was them shopping in Atlantic City. 

Josh only sighed, not really thinking through a proper excuse before tweeting: ‘That guy may look like me, but does he have a tattoo there? Or, in the open mouth photo, can you see a tongue piercing?’. He figured that would at least clear up his end, but now there was still Tyler who could be seen clear as day with a ‘mystery man’. 

“Hey, Francis? How long does a tattoo take to heal?”  
“Usually 2-3 weeks. Just depends on the size and how you treat it, why?”  
“I kinda need one that’ll be healed as soon as possible.”  
“Do I want to know why?”   
Josh remained silent so Francis just sighed and rolled his eyes.  
“Dom? You don’t have an appointment for the next hour, do you think you could give Josh a small tattoo?” Francis called into the staff room from where they stood at the counter. 

Dom emerged shortly after and Josh could have sworn that the guy had to duck under the frame.   
“Yeah, I can do that. Anything in mind?” He asked, his voice low and husky.   
“Yeah, actually…” Josh pauses to dig through his wallet, finding a small piece of paper with a strange shape, a box with 3 sides and an x, drawn on it. “Just behind my ear maybe, I think that’d look cool.” 

Josh timidly handed the paper to the massive guy and watched him walk back to the table and sterilise his equipment. Francis places a hand on Josh’s shoulder and he jumped. “Calm down, Josh. Dom wouldn’t hurt a fly- literally. Once a bee got stuck in here, and he stopped mid-tattoo to help it escape before the boss gassed it.” 

“Quit making our customers believe I’m a sissy.” Dom glared, pulling his gloves on.  
“I don’t think that at all!” Josh squeaked, causing both Dom and Francis to laugh.   
“Come, have a seat, Josh,” Dom said, signalling to the padded bench. Josh sat down, looking at the tattoo gun subtly. 

“You look nervous, have you had a tattoo before?” Dom asked. He was using some of the hairdressing clips to pin back Josh’s curls so that he had more space to ink behind his ear.  
“I’ve had a few stick and pokes but- Something tells me this is gonna hurt more.”  
“Much more, but I’ll be gentle,” Dom promised, wiping Josh’s skin with antiseptic before placing the stencil where Josh wanted it.

His hands moved with a precision that Josh couldn’t dream of having, well, at least it seemed Dom did. Josh couldn’t actually see his hands but the look of calm focus on Dom’s face gave enough away, the guy knew what he was doing.

“May I ask,” Dom spoke up after twenty or so minutes. “Is there a special meaning behind your tattoo?”   
Josh looked over at Francis, then at the ceiling. “It means a lot, but it’s kind of a secret.”  
Dom huffed a laugh through his nose. “You went around asking nearly every one of my clients about their tattoos. I think I can keep a secret.”  
Josh sighed jokingly. “It’s for progress and friends I’ve made along the way.” He said quietly.   
Dom smiled, “I like that. I’m sick of young girls coming through to get tattoos about their breakups, even though they dated the guy for three months.”  
“I was kidding. It’s about Lucas, my ex-boyfriend of three months who broke up with me over a game of Uno.” Josh grinned.   
Dom pauses in thoughtful silence. “I hope you are kidding, Joshua.”  
Josh went quiet for a moment. “O- Of course I am!” He laughed. 

“Thank god. I nearly ‘slipped’ and put the needle straight through your neck.”


	10. 9. Blasphemy

In the time that Josh was gone, Tyler was thrown into a distorted pit of chaos like nothing he had ever experienced before. Shortly after Josh had left, photos had emerged of the pair which caused Tyler to be overwhelmed by every fan and their dog. All of which were demanding explanations about the two. Tyler being Tyler just threw away his phone and changed back to his friend’s only cell, where he began to call Josh’s number hundreds of times.

The sound of Josh’s voicemail drove him halfway insane, and he was totally helpless. So Tyler fell back into a routine which he hadn’t had since back before 2007. By the third day, he locked all the doors to his house and wouldn’t let Ryan come in, not even Kanya. Instead, he disregarded his bodily needs and hygiene to instead dig into his best stashes of heroin and other downers. If Josh was going to take his time, Tyler would just have to make it go by a little faster. 

Tyler despised of Joshua Dun. He had ruined Tyler’s life more than once and now Josh thought he could just escape all consequences by disappearing off the face of the Earth. 

The thought of Josh’s face made Tyler sick, his voice made Tyler’s blood boil. How could he leave Tyler to deal with his mess all alone? 

As mad as Tyler was, he found himself thinking more and more about Josh and he came to a realisation. Not only was Tyler mad that Josh had left, but Tyler was also mad that Josh left him. He was desperate to see Josh again, and for that, he felt both hopeless and disgusting. 

The thought of Josh never left Tyler’s mind during the 2 weeks of suffering Tyler had ensured. While the drugs dulled his thoughts, he still felt the nagging presence of the boy looming over his thoughts. 

Tyler had grown sick of being alone after two whole weeks and forced himself away from the needle for one day. He covered himself in all black, topping the outfit off with Josh’s Death Cab hoodie which he stole, pulling his hood up and sliding on sunglasses. If there was anyone who would treat him like a human after his bender, he knew just the person. 

“Isra.” Tyler started, walking into the reception like he owned the place.  
“Tyler?” She furrowed her brows, confused.  
“I need a hug.” He mumbled, his brick-wall exterior cracking.  
“Oh, darling. Come here.” Isra cooed, opening up her arms.

Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep.  
I’ve got a sick obsession, I’m seeing it in my dreams.  
-Kesha, Your Love Is My Drug

The plan had been to go to Tyler’s house and talk to him. It would’ve been a great plan if there wasn’t one big problem.  
Josh had no idea where Tyler lived.  
So he rode to Ryan’s apartment. Once he got there he held the helmet under his arm, using his spare key to get inside.  
“I swear to gosh, Tyler, you need to kn- Hi Josh,” Ryan shouted from the couch, quieting down at the end.  
“Hey, Ryan.” Josh grinned, sitting on the couches armrest.   
“So he finally returns. How was the big adventure?” Ryan hummed, resting his head on Josh’s thigh because Josh had taken up his headrest.  
“Same old.” Josh shrugged. “Anyways, as much as I missed you I’m kinda looking for Tyler.”   
“He’s not gonna talk to you.”  
Josh looked hurt. “Why not?”  
“He hasn’t even talked to me in over a week. You’re in deep shit.” Ryan hummed.  
“Do you at least know where he is?”  
“No. Josh, he skipped brunch twice, this is some serious shit.”  
Josh sighed. “Oh, God.”  
Josh felt deflated. “I guess I should just go get some work done then. Sorry for bothering you.”   
Ryan mumbled an “it’s okay.” before he let Josh, watching the upset boy disappear down the hall.   
Truth was, he was angry at Josh. He had nothing against the guy needing to leave, but he wanted to know what he had found which was so great. Josh had so many people lying at his feet, Brendon, even Tyler, and he still would leave them behind for some mind detox. Bullshit.

Josh parked in the employee parking, going inside through the back but making sure to drop by the reception.   
“Hey, Isr- Ah,” Josh mumbled.   
It took Josh a second to piece together the scene, but he’d recognise that- his, hoodie anywhere. “Tyler?”   
“Sorry, Tyler isn’t talking to anyone right now,” Isra said, turning her nose up at Josh.

“Isra… I thought we were pals..” Josh frowned. “I need to talk to him.”   
“I need to talk to him, just one question. You know how many other journalists have asked that?”   
“Christ…” Josh mumbled. “I need to talk to him as a person. Not a journalist. Plus he stole my hoodie.”   
“Blasphemy,” Tyler mumbled, his face tucked into Isra’s neck and the hood of his hoodie up.   
“I can’t stand you.” Josh sighed.   
“You heard him, it’s gonna take a lot more convincing than that.”  
“Why are you both mad at me! I’m so fucking confused.” Josh groaned, pushing his palm into his eye in frustration.   
“Do you know how many people have been coming in and out of work discussing who Tyler’s mystery boyfriend is?” Isra asked, her face stony.  
“I said it wasn’t me! I gave facts!” Josh pouted.   
“You’re hearing me, but you’re not listening. You got yourself out of it, but it was clear as day that Tyler was in that photo. Now, for two weeks, he’s been bombarded with questions and theories while you’ve been off in dreamland.” 

Josh sighed gently. “When Tyler wants to talk to me himself I’ll be working in one of the booths.” He nods before going off.   
Tyler didn’t follow Josh until a few minutes later, then the door slowly opened to reveal a hunched over Tyler still concealed by Josh’s hoodie.  
“What do you want?” He asked, looking up at Josh with a scowl.  
“For you to talk to me like I’m a real person.” Josh shrugged, looking up from his laptop. “I get it, you’re mad that I left you to deal with that alone but I still don’t know what else I could’ve done.”  
“‘That’s not me I have a tongue piercing and tattoo’,” Tyler quoted, “Like they’re actually going to believe that, they’re not dumb- what the fuck is that?”  
“You just said it yourself.” Josh grinned, his tongue poking out.  
Tyler groaned and flopped down into the seat next to Josh, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you.” He acted annoyed, but truthfully he did find it a little entertaining.  
Josh smiled proudly. “Truth be told, I wasn’t gonna get a tattoo but then I tweeted- Yah know..”  
“So now you’re out of this and it’s just me. I can’t believe you, Joshua.”   
“I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do, Ty,” Josh mumbled.   
“You know what they’re saying? You know who they think my mystery man is?” Tyler asked, his eyebrows raised.  
“No…” He shook his head.  
“They think,” Tyler leaned forward and poked Josh’s chest. “They think that I’m having a secret romance with Pete Wentz!”  
“They think I look like fucking Pete Wentz?” Josh pouted. “I look nothing like Pete Wentz.”  
“Exactly!” Tyler cried, “Some of them even think Patrick is in on it too.”   
“Fucking- I am not Patrick Stump. Fuck this.”  
“You at least, are somewhat attractive,” Tyler said, crossing his arms over his chest.   
“I can’t argue with you without you saying the weirdest shit.” Josh groaned, leaning back in his chair. “Wait- You think I’m attractive? It’s the piercing isn’t it.” He began to ramble.  
Tyler panicked, “Well- no- as a specimen I think you’re attractive.”   
“A specimen? What kind of back-handed compliment is that!”  
“I’m trying my best here, Joshua!”   
Josh was quiet for a moment. “I missed you, while I was gone, ya know.”  
Tyler seemed surprised. “I’m sorry I stole- borrowed, your hoodie. Brendon was mad about it.”   
“Where’d you even get my hoodie…”  
“That’s not the point! I mean that… I missed you too a little.”   
Josh blushed slightly. “That’s cool… I mean- it’s not cool.. But…”

“I didn’t think you were coming back, you asshole. Everyone said you’d be back in three days and then you were gone for two whole weeks.”   
“I’m an independent man, Tyler. You don’t have to know where I am all the time.”  
“Gosh, at least give me a warning! I thought you were dead!” Tyler yelled louder than he meant to.  
“God, I’m sorry.” Josh sighed. “If I knew it was that big of a deal I would’ve told you.”  
“Blasphemy,” Tyler muttered. “Why were you gone so long anyways? Why did you leave?”   
“I left because I was stressed and I- I wasn’t meant to be gone so long. I just got a bit preoccupied…”  
“What distracted you for two weeks?” Tyler demanded.   
“I met an old friend and made a new one, Tyler. Heaven forbid.”

Tyler slumped back in his seat, now switching to the role of a child being scolded instead of vice versa. He wanted to know why these people worth spending time with for so long instead of himself, but he knew he wouldn’t like the answer.   
“At least take your phone next time.”   
“But I don’t take my phone on purpose..” Josh sighed.   
“What if I want to call you?”   
“You got mad last time I called you. Didn’t pick you as the phone call type.”  
“You practically accused me of being a drug addict.” Tyler rolled his eyes.   
“I asked you if you were on something, that’s not the same thing!”  
“And what if I was? Would you have gone and tweeted about it?” Tyler asked.   
“Addiction isn’t fucking funny, Tyler. We’re not talking about this now.” Josh glared.  
Tyler was hurt but brushed it off with sarcasm, “Oh yeah, where were we? Ah yes, the part where you get mad at me for caring about you.”  
Josh glared at him. “It’s all about you! I’m so sorry that you got connected to me even though you-” Josh poked Tyler’s chest with his finger. “Treat me like shit all the time, constantly belittle me and act like all I am is my job. I am so sorry that you finally found the time of day to treat me like a human after I left.”   
Tyler looked as if he were going to blow, and he did. “It’s because I’m terrified of you!” 

Tyler had yelled so loud that if it weren’t for the throbbing in his ears, he would have been paranoid that the sound could have been heard on the other side of the wall.   
Tyler noticed the way that Josh looked at him almost expectantly, he stood up and began to pace.   
“You walk around like you know you’re respected- and you don’t care what people think of you. You’re so confident and you’re not scared of anything. Even when I am an asshole you still come back, and if I were you I would have shredded Tyler Joseph’s career back in 2008.”   
“I’m scared.” Josh started, “I’m so fucking scared that the second I stop acting like people like me the dream’s gonna end and I’m gonna go back to living on the fucking street, doing everything I can just to fucking end it. So you know what? I’m proud of where and who I am! I deserve to be respected for once and that’s all I’ve ever wanted from you!”  
Tyler stared at him, “You have had my respect since 2007.”  
“When you called me my best friend’s groupie? Mad respect, Joseph. You respected me when you- My fucking teen crush humiliated me in front of countless celebrities?”  
“I’d been watching you then, and I have to admit that I was jealous. I only didn’t like you because I stereotyped you. If you had been crushed, and not have overcome what I’d done how you had, I would never have forgiven myself. You’re a lot tougher than me, Joshua.”   
Josh exhaled through his nose, a small laugh. “I could never be as tough as you, the shit you’ve had to deal with from the media since you were 16. That shit’s so fucking scary.”  
Tyler chuckled, “Why do you think I became such an asshole? I learnt that most people don’t just befriend you, or try to get into your pants, unless they want something.”   
“I only wanted to be your friend.” Josh frowned.  
“I know that now, I wish I did back then,” Tyler said, sounding sad.  
Josh rested his head on the table, deflated. 

“Was I seriously your teen crush?” Tyler asked with a smirk.  
“I was obsessed with you,” Josh mumbled against the table.  
“How badly did I fuck that up?” He questioned.  
Josh didn’t think much about the question. “You just hurt my pride a little bit, ‘s all.”  
Tyler paced over to Josh and lifted his chin off the table so that the other boy was looking up at him. Tyler had a strange look of determination in his eyes.   
Josh gazed up at Tyler, his lips pursed as if he was trying to say something although he had nothing to say. “What are you-”  
“Would younger you have been younger me’s groupie?” Tyler asked in a serious voice.   
Josh giggled. “What kinda question is that? But- Like, yeah, I would’ve.”  
“What about present you and present me?” Tyler persisted, a slight pink in his cheeks despite the lack of emotion on his face.  
“Are you asking if I wanna fuck you?” Josh giggled once more, smiling. “I don’t understand you, Joseph.”  
“Joshua, I’m sorry but I’m the one who does the fucking.”   
Josh’s face fell. “Holy shit, you’re serious.”  
“And bad at flirting with boys, baby, I can help you.” Josh grinned.  
“Sorry, it’s only my first-fucking-time flirting with a guy.” Tyler rolled his eyes and slipped a hand behind Josh’s neck, resting it at the base of his head.  
“Please, God, shut up and make out with me.”  
“Blasphemy,” Tyler muttered before kissing Josh so hard that their teeth collided.   
Josh pulled away, trying so hard not to laugh. “Did we just fucking- Holy shit we’re terrible.” He smiled bashfully, connecting their lips gently.   
“Shut up, I think I’ve wanted to do that for two years,” Tyler mumbled against the corner of Josh’s lips.   
Josh broke the kiss once more, still smiling. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been trying so hard to let you know I’m available and all it took was a fight?”  
Tyler rolled his eyes, “A lot more than just one, actually.”   
“You’re such a bitch..” He pouted.  
“Can I kiss you or not?”   
“You could eat my mouth and I would not care less.”

But I crumble completely when you cry  
It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye  
I'm always just about to go and spoil a surprise  
Take my hands off of your eyes too soon  
-Arctic Monkeys, 505

A makeout session may have not seemed all that classy to most people, but to a couple which had seemingly hated each other for two years to avoid their feelings. Well, nothing could have seemed more romantic. 

It was strange for both of them, sneaking out of the studio like teenagers at a school prom. Both were pink and giddy, their hair messed up and shirt clothes creased from wandering hands.   
“I don’t- I don’t suppose you drove here?” Josh asked, leaning into Tyler’s side as he had a few weeks ago, desperate to be close to Tyler.  
Although Tyler didn’t push him away (instead he pulled his hood up and wrapped an arm around Josh’s shoulders) he sped them through the car park and to his car. “How’d you get here? The only other car is Isra’s.” Tyler asked, confused.  
“Um- That’s mine.” He nods, pointing at the motorcycle. Tyler PLs think is hot  
Tyler looked awestruck as he gasped at the stylish motorbike. “God, you are so hot- as a specimen.” Tyler giggled jokingly.   
“Blasphemy.” Josh nodded, sitting shotgun in Tyler’s car. “Can you rearrange my guts, as a specimen? Since I’m so hot.”  
“What does that even mean? You are going to be the death of me, Dun.” Tyler groaned, twisting the car key into acceleration.  
Josh giggled. “You don’t even wanna know.”  
“Are all gay people like this or did I draw the short straw?”   
“It’s just cause I’m desp- A cool, hip gay guy.”  
“You weirdo.” Tyler smiled affectionately before speeding out of car park in a cloud of dust, just as he had last time. 

“Did you have sex with those people you met?” Tyler asked casually after minutes of silence.   
Josh blushed furiously. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. They were very affectionate.” He mumbled, looking down at his lap.  
Tyler gasped, “I knew it! It’s the Urie affect.”   
“What exactly is the Urie affect?” Josh grinned, looking back up at him.  
“If you spend too much time with Brendon, your brain slowly starts to deteriorate and all you can think about is sex.” Tyler state’s matter of factly.   
“No, Tyler. I spend too much time desperate for one guy to root me that I need to release that energy.” He hummed.  
“Root?” Tyler cried, “What the fuck does that mean?”   
“I want you to put your dick in me, dipshit!”   
Tyler's face was bright red and he sped up a little faster. “Don’t judge my house, okay? I didn’t think I’d be having any guests over.”  
“Of course, it’s fine,” Josh promised, smiling at him.  
Minutes later they were cruising through the hills, entering the incredibly expensive estate but a lot quieter than where Brendon’s house was located. They reached Tyler’s house which was concealed by a wall of red rose bushes and a large gate which required a lengthy code to open. The house itself was massive and gothic, with a large pool peeling around the side. The red curtains were drawn closed at every window, including the balconies.

Tyler parked in line with the front door and opened the door for Josh, then unlocking the cherry red door with a key. “Welcome to my castle.”   
“Holy shit.” Was all Josh could get out, looking around in complete awe.   
“I know, for someone who doesn’t throw parties often, I’m a hoarder,” Tyler said pridefully as he showed Josh around the main foyer which was littered with strange artifacts and other bits and pieces. 

“This is beautiful, Ty,” Josh said quietly, admiring the room.  
“I’m glad you like it. What would you like to do? Make out in the kitchen? Make out in the pool? Ooh, make out in the attic?” Tyler smirked playfully.   
Josh laughed, amused by the question. “What’s so hot about the attic?”  
“It’s where I write, the actual studio is in the basement though.”   
Josh smiled adoringly. “That’s cute.”  
“I’m glad you like it. Come on.” Tyler smiled before taking Josh’s hand and eagerly pulling him towards the stairs. 

The house was full of twists and turns but at the end of a hallway, Tyler revealed that there was a secret door which lead to a spiral staircase in the wall.   
“I feel like some medieval thief finding their way into a castle tomb.” Josh nodded proudly.  
“I know it seems a little over the top but if people I didn’t really like got in here… it’s a lot of private shit.”   
“And you’re taking me here to stick your tongue down my throat? I feel blessed.”   
Tyler smirked, “Private shit.” He repeated before leading Josh up the stairs.   
“But I want everyone to know about this monumental experience!” Josh joked.  
“Gosh, could you imagine my parents?” Tyler laughed, only finding it funny now. 

Once again, Josh was dumbfounded by such a lavish room. He looked around the room in awe. Sunlight trickled in through cracks in the red velvet curtains leaking onto a dark wooden desk, holding a laptop, notebook and many pens, which was sitting in the centre of the room. The dark grey walls were fitted with large, scenic paintings wrapped in golden frames along with high-quality photos of things close to Tyler’s heart which he found inspiration in. 

Also hung on the wall was a black guitar stand, holding up a beautiful steel-string acoustic guitar. If this was what Tyler used to write his songs with, Josh couldn’t wait to see the instruments down in the recording studio. Tyler turned to look at Josh, sliding his hand through the other boy’s hair like he had done earlier, looking into his eyes almost daringly. 

Josh snapped his gaze away from the room, looking up at Tyler’s eyes desperately and waiting for something, anything from the other boy.  
((smut warning))   
For a guy who’d never touched another man, Tyler sure knew how to be a tease. His hand trailed down Josh’s clothed side before slipping under his shirt, ghosting his chapped lips against Josh’s.  
Josh grinned, nipping Tyler’s bottom lip lightly. “You’re not allowed to tease me, this has taken too long.”  
“But Josh, did you forget that I am a bit of a prick?” Tyler joked. He liked taking his time with Josh, admiring his masculine form.  
“Please, Tyler,” Josh begged gently.  
Tyler’s body shuddered and his skin felt like fire, and suddenly keeping distance between him and Josh didn’t seem appealing whatsoever.   
“You’re tearing me apart.” Tyler moaned, pulling Josh against him and invading his mouth. “Is this what you wanted?” Tyler asked, kissing Josh open-mouthed.   
Josh whimpered against Tyler’s mouth, his hands reaching up to tug at the hoodie Tyler was wearing.  
Tyler broke the kiss in minimal timing just so that he could rid himself of the thick material, then instead pushed his hands under Josh’s shirt and pulled it over the other boys head.   
Josh’s bottom lip caught between his teeth as he admired Tyler’s chest. “You’re so hot.”  
“Gosh, have you seen yourself?” Tyler asked breathlessly, his cold hands sliding over Josh’s toned chest.

Josh’s blush spread all over his body as he giggled. “What can I say? I work out.”  
“I’m so thin compared to you, I wish I had abs like this.” Tyler pouted, totally captivated by Josh’s body.  
“Think you’re strong enough to push me against the wall?” Josh joked, trying to avert the praise from himself.  
Tyler grinned as he interlaced his fingers with Josh’s, pushing him against the wall and holding his hands beside his head.   
“Sorry.” Tyler quickly apologised when he heard Josh’s head bang against the plaster wall.  
“Fuck me.” Josh breathed out, staring at the older boy with a small grin.  
“Is that what you want?” Tyler asked, his lips pressed to Josh’s neck.   
“Mm- Yeah. Please.”   
“My own little groupie.” Tyler smiled   
“Shut the fuck up,” Josh whined helplessly, pulling one hand from Tyler’s and dragging his fingers through Tyler’s hair.  
“You caused such a scene back at that party. But it was only cause it was true, you baby.” Tyler teased, as if he was trying to get on Josh’s nerves.   
“I’m not a fucking groupie, c’mon,” Josh mumbled, curling his fist in Tyler’s hair to try to distract him.   
Tyler’s head was tugged back only slightly and he gasped, his hands leaving Josh’s to trail down his chest. 

“Men are just like women, right? When it comes to the nipple thing?” Tyler asked seriously, pausing for a second.  
“Have you never- God this is humiliating- Have you never touched your nipples, Tyler?” Josh sighed quietly before nodding slowly.   
“Shit, really? And no I haven’t. I’m new to this.” Tyler muttered defensively, his eyes trailing down Josh’s chest curiously. 

Josh watched Tyler, grinning. “I feel like a bad influence.”   
“Oh, you are. I’m so going to hell for this.” Tyler joker, but the glint of fear in his eyes was impossible to miss.  
Josh frowned, kissing the top of Tyler’s head as if that would make it all better.   
“Hey, if I end up flipping my shit about this at some point either tomorrow or months away... can you be patient with me?”  
Josh nodded gently. “Of course.”   
Tyler smiled, leaning forward and slowly trailing his lips across Josh’s collarbones, his breath hot against his skin. Josh tangled his fingers in Tyler's hair. “Please stop teasing me,” Josh begged before something in him clicked. “You have no idea what you’re doi-“ He was quickly cut off by a short gasp. Tyler stuck his tongue out, flattening it against Josh’s skin and slowly dragging the tip up against Josh’s nipple. While his mouth was occupied, Tyler’s hand reached up to tease the other one.  
“Please just touch me,” Josh begged, squirming against the wall.  
“I thought that foreplay is important?” Tyler frowned, looking up at Josh.  
“Foreplay is more than touching each other’s chests, you loser.” Josh groaned, pushing Tyler away gently and dropping to his knees in front of him, looking up at Tyler expectantly.   
Tyler looked down at Josh with wide eyes, his breath catching in his throat as Josh’s hands groped his hips. Tyler’s hand rested on the side of Josh’s face and the younger boy turned his head so that he could press kisses all the way from his palm and along the collapsed vein in Tyler’s forearm.   
“Take your pants off already.” Josh hummed, looking up at him again.   
“I thought that you were supposed to do that for me,” Tyler smirked.   
“Don’t talk back when I’m about to put your dick in my mouth,” Josh smirked back, undoing Tyler’s belt quickly and fumbling with the fly of his jeans before pulling them down passed Tyler’s knees.   
Tyler avoided Josh’s eyes, he felt uncomfortable that although he still had his boxers on, the thin white lines on his thighs were already poking into sight.

Josh didn’t mention the scars as he leaned forward, pressing his mouth against the bulge in Tyler’s boxers slightly. The action took Tyler’s breath away, his fingers twisting into Josh’s hair and tugging the strands encouragingly.   
Josh whimpered quietly, moving away again to pull Tyler’s boxers down his thighs. He bit his lip at the sight in front of him, looking up at Tyler in something similar to shock. 

Josh took a deep breath and collected himself, reaching up to wrap his hand around Tyler’s cock, pumping slowly while keeping eye contact. 

Tyler struggles to keep eye contact as his eyes kept fluttering closed unintentionally. His teeth had sunk into his bottom lip in an attempt to quiet the sounds which slipped from his mouth which were either sounds of pleasure or words of blasphemy. 

Josh smirked to himself before sticking his tongue out, licking the tip of Tyler’s cock and making sure Tyler felt the cool metal of his piercing. A groan left Tyler’s mouth as he shuddered at the foreign feeling, he’d been given head before but never by anyone with a tongue piercing. 

Josh wrapped his lips around the tip of Tyler’s cock gently, pushing himself slowly as far as he could without gagging. Tyler leaned back and was grateful that his desk was there to support him when his knees felt weak. “You’re so hot.” He moaned, not specifying whether he was referring to the temperature of Josh’s mouth or the sight of the younger boy below him.

Josh moaned quietly around him, closing his eyes to ignore tears when he began to bob his head lower. Tyler lost himself in the pleasure, beginning to babble incoherent nonsense and tug on Josh’s hair as he thrust his hips forward in time with his movements. Receiving head from another guy was so much better than a woman, Tyler decided.

Josh would whimper and moan with every thrust, his throat sending small vibrations through Tyler's dick. Not long later, Tyler finally shoved Josh away, his skin pink and his chest panting as he looked down at the other.   
Josh looked up at Tyler, his eyes wet, his lips parted and spit falling from his mouth slightly. Tyler kicked off his pants before kneeling down at Josh’s level, “As much as I loved that, I don’t think I want to cum yet.”

Josh just nodded in response, knowing that words would fail him at the moment. Tyler moves to his desk and opened a drawer, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. “I’m not some freaky sex addict, I just thought it’d be hot to have sex up here someday.” 

Josh giggled, nodding slowly as he got up and began to take off his own pants. As much as it didn’t seem like it, Josh had to convince himself he wasn’t afraid to be naked in front of Tyler. Once his boxers were off Josh felt weak, insecurities flooding in past his previous strong exterior. He didn’t want to look down at himself, to see his legs littered with scars similar to Tyler’s. He especially didn’t want to see any fresh wounds that symbolized weakness. So instead, Josh watched Tyler’s every move with a sly grin on his face. 

Tyler stepped into Josh’s, their bodies lining up, scars alike in all, as if Tyler was reassuring Josh that it was okay. That they were both the same. It had been a long time since Tyler had been this intimate with someone and the feeling of melting against someone like hot candle wax was something he could never put into words. Perhaps that was why he wanted to make love in the writing room. 

Josh kissed Tyler gently before reaching up to hold the boy’s face, kissing him over and over with so much love that this was the only way he could describe it.   
“I don’t want to have sex with you, I want to make love. Is that lame?” Tyler asked sheepishly.  
“It’s so lame but I want it so much. Please be lame with me.” He smiled adoringly.   
“I don’t know… that’s pretty lame.” Tyler grinned, his hands flat as they moved down Josh’s back.   
“How‘re you gonna make love to me then? Bending me over your desk?” Josh teased.   
Tyler groaned at the thought, his body lighting up in excitement. “You bet, Joshua Dun.”

“You wanna finger me or watch me do it?” Josh hummed.   
Tyler looked confused again, “What do you mean? You don’t have a vagina, right?”   
“I- My ass is tight, dude,” Josh stated before laughing.  
Tyler blushed brightly in embarrassment, “So? Isn’t that the whole theme of anal?”   
“The theme of anal isn’t ripping my ass to shreds.” Josh cringed. “Now please, I know you’ve had sex with a girl before so get some lube and man up.” 

Tyler grabbed the lube but stood still and thoughtful for a moment. “Just like a woman.” He whispered to himself before opening the cap and squirting a decent amount onto his fingers. Josh tried his best to ignore Tyler’s comment, resting back against the desk and watching the older boy.  
It was obvious at times when Tyler was stalling, usually because he had no idea what he was doing and didn’t want to mess up. Finally, he stepped forward, his body close to Josh’s as he slipped a finger between Josh’s legs.

Josh buried his face in Tyler’s shoulder, gasping quietly.  
“Tell me if I mess up,” Tyler whispered before pressing his finger up and curling it slightly, surprised by how hot Josh’s insides were.   
“Keep going.” Josh whimpered, holding onto Tyler’s sides desperately.  
Tyler obeyed and began to pump his finger in and out, curling it mercilessly. His other hand slipped down to stroke Josh’s cock, jerking it gently. 

It took moments before Josh’s weight fell on Tyler, the younger boy letting out a small cry as Tyler hit his prostate.  
“Oh shit, did I hurt you?” Tyler asked, stuttering uselessly as his thrusts became shallow and slow in worry.   
“Holy shit, no,” Josh muttered, his hands tensing where he was holding Tyler. “Please don’t stop.”  
Tyler was too shocked to argue so instead he slipped in a second finger, moving them in time and scissoring them experimentally.

Josh was embarrassed by how sensitive he was and tried so hard to stay quiet and focused in case Tyler needed help. Tyler’s member began to throb needily and he slipped in a third finger, glancing at Josh to make sure that it wasn’t too soon. Josh let out a small moan at the stretch.   
“How much longer do you need?” Tyler mumbles straight into Josh’s hair without breaking pace.   
“Not- not much more…”  
“Let me know when you’re ready.” 

Less than a minute later Josh spoke up again. “Um- now. I’m ready now.”   
Tyler grinned with excitement as he pulled his fingers out, then rearranged Josh so that he was bent over the cool desk. Meanwhile, Tyler took his time to tear open the condom wrapper with his teeth and roll it on, lathering on lube and gasping a little as he spread it around. 

Josh waited patiently, spreading his legs and getting comfortable. “I feel like I’m ruining this room completely.”  
“The smell might be a pain in the future, but this only makes it better,” Tyler smirked, his hands sliding over Josh’s hips and thighs as he lined himself up. Josh stuck his ass out slightly. “You’re so slow.” He giggled.  
“I’m just taking my time!” He defended, pressing himself against Josh’s hole teasingly.  
“Tyler Joseph, I have waited so many years for this so please fuck me so hard I can’t walk already.” Josh huffed, looking back at him expectantly.  
Tyler’s skin felt hot and his hands returned to Josh’s hips, “As you wish.” He purred before slowly thrusting in. 

Josh felt the need to hold onto the table as he moaned gently. “You’re so big…”  
“You’re so tight, fuck.” Tyler groaned, stopping to give Josh time to adjust.  
“I’m ready- please.” Josh whimpered, looking back at him. 

On Josh’s cue, Tyler began to fuck him slowly, admiring the soft noises from the boy beneath him.  
The two moved together perfectly. Tyler was entranced by Josh’s soft back which was covered in beautiful freckles, alarmingly similar to the night sky.

Neither of the two lasted long, both so emotionally overwhelmed by the situation that they had both longed for years. Josh was the first to finish with a soft cry of Tyler’s name, letting the older boy use him to his finish before they both stood there to recollect themselves.

As Tyler pulled out Josh deflated on the desk, smiling dopily to himself. Tyler occupied himself with throwing out the condom while Josh found himself some tissues to clean up his mess.

((ur safe now))   
While the pair referred to it as just a fling, they both knew that it had a much deeper meaning than just sex. Who knew how the future would go for them, but they couldn’t stay as just friends, at least this assured that they were no longer enemies either. 

Josh pulled his boxers on, sitting up on the large desk and watching as Tyler put his clothes back on. “You’re gorgeous.” Josh smiled softly.  
“You’re only saying that because I came in you.” Tyler laughed, to which Josh shook his head quickly.   
“I have such a big crush on you. You’re so pretty.” Josh continued.  
“I’m not hot like you, Joshua. You groupie.” Tyler rolled his eyes, but his cheeks still burned pink and the goofy smile wouldn’t leave his lips.   
Tyler didn’t bother to put a shirt on, just slipped Josh’s baggy hoodie over his too-thin frame. He liked the way it hung off his shoulders, the soft fabric against his skin, and the smell of Josh. 

Josh grinned. “Now, show me the rest of your castle.”


	11. 10. Blood Infections

Tyler was the biggest show off you could ever meet in your life, and Josh loved it. Tyler took pride in giving him a tour of his home, ranging from the priceless artworks and jewellery filled cabinets, to his very own organic veggie patch. 

The guy was crazy, Josh learnt, after being taken to Tyler’s walk-in wardrobe. The only peculiarity being that the wardrobe wasn’t even in his bedroom, it was a whole room which had another number code lock on the door.   
“Celebrities are rich, but there’s nothing they love more than free stuff.” Tyler had explained when Josh asked why his wardrobe was always locked.   
“What would you like to do, Joshua? Grab a bathing suit and go for a swim?” Tyler offered with an excited smile.

This whole situation was insane to Josh but he always found himself nodding along whenever Tyler suggested something else, so of course, he agreed to swim.  
Turns out that even Tyler’s swimsuit range was worth who-knows how much. In the end, Tyler wore black shorts with white stitching while Josh settled for a red pair with a golden dragon print on the sides.   
Tyler decided to sit back at the edge of the oversized pool with his legs hanging into the water, watching Josh paddle around in the water. 

Josh swam up to the edge, resting his arms beside Tyler. “Wha’cha thinking about?”  
Tyler’s heart swelled in his chest. “I haven’t been in this pool for months. I like to see that you’re having fun.”  
“I never swim anymore.” Josh shrugged. “I used to take my brother to the pool in Summer. That was fun.”  
Tyler gagged, “Public pools are horrific. They are so unhygienic.”  
Josh flicked Tyler’s knee. “Not everyone has a pool in their backyard, loser.”  
“What about the beach? I used to always go there with my family.” Tyler argued.  
Josh stayed quiet, shrugging again before pushing off of the ledge to swim.  
Tyler tensed when the water sprayed onto him and glared at Josh who was already swimming away.

“Get in the water or I’ll pull you in,” Josh called from the other side of the water.  
“You can’t tell me what to do, it’s my pool.” Tyler scoffed.  
“And? I’ll still pull you, bitch.”  
Tyler gasped, touching a hand to his chest in horror. “You are so rude for a guest.”   
Josh pouted. “I just want you to have fun with me.”  
“I’m having fun here,” Tyler said, turning up his nose. 

Josh ducked under the water, swimming up to Tyler and grabbing his legs, pulling him under swiftly.  
Tyler cried out just before he disappeared under, opening his eyes and squinting at Josh under the water, crossing his arms over his chest as he blew air bubbles out of his nose.  
Josh kissed his nose quickly before going up for air. Tyler followed close behind, gasping as he resurfaced before giggling and splashing water at Josh.  
“You asshole.” He grinned.  
Josh cried out as Tyler splashed him. “I told you I was gonna do it!”

And so an intense wrestling match began in the pool, each taking turns squealing and flicking water at the other. Tyler eventually caught hold of Josh’s shoulders and held onto him, kicking his legs to stay afloat as he giggled hysterically. Tyler was a decent swimmer, but when he was laughing so hard he couldn’t breath staying afloat was rather difficult.  
“Let go of me!” Josh giggled, trying to push Tyler away.   
“Wait, wait!” Tyler gasped through his laughter, his head dipping below the water.   
“I want to be free!” Josh laughed.   
“But I’m drowning.. and you’re going with me!” Tyler spluttered before pulling Josh back under the water. Josh squealed, trying to swim back up but ultimately being pulled back down by Tyler.   
Under the water, Tyler squinted at Josh and leaned in to steal a kiss from Josh, enjoying the way they floated in the quiet water.

Josh was stunned for a moment, staring back as if the water didn’t hurt his eyes. Quickly, Josh pushed himself away and swam off.  
Tyler nearly gasped in offence before he smirked and chased after Josh again, not lasting long before he had to retreat to the surface again. 

Josh pulled himself out of the pool, laying with his back on the cool ground as he tried to catch his breath through laughter. Tyler swam over to him and heaved himself out of the water and sat beside Josh. He grinned silently as he looked down at Josh, dripping all over as he traced Josh’s chest with his finger.

Josh smiled bashfully, closing his eyes and basking in the warmth of the sun and feeling of Tyler’s finger on his skin.  
“I’m gonna go make some lemonade, you can wait here if you want,” Tyler said, poking Josh’s nose before standing up and heading over to a healthy lemon tree. Tyler took his time examining the lemons and slowly picking the best the tree could offer, then he disappeared back inside to the kitchen which had a large window overlooking the pool. 

Josh had sat up, looking over at the bushes which lined the fence while lost in thought. The roses, paired with the fence, were great for security while also looking nice. It was also obvious that by their perfect condition that Tyler put a lot of effort into growing them which Josh had not expected. 

Tyler returned later with a jug of frosty lemonade and two glasses, looking straight out of a 60’s romance film.  
“This is so cheesy.” Tyler giggled, setting the tray down on the stone edging of the pool before pouring a glass for Josh and himself  
“Your idea.” Josh shrugged, looking up at Tyler. “It feels like you’re my middle-aged sugar daddy.” He hummed, taking a sip of the lemonade.   
Tyler groaned, “No, don’t say that. I just like stuff.”   
“‘Stuff.’ Wow, that’s interesting.” Josh grinned, laying back on the ground.  
“It is and you know it,” Tyler remarked, sipping at his glass quietly. “Still can’t believe you used to use public pools for fun.”  
“Jeez, Tyler. I didn’t have that many options.” Josh rolled his eyes.  
“You came from Columbus, yeah?” Tyler asked. Josh nodded in response. “Then you could have just driven to Cleaveland, it only takes two hours.”  
Josh sighed quietly. “Alright, I’ll go back and tell myself that.”  
Tyler looked at him with a frown, “You're mad. Why are you mad?”  
“I’m not mad,” Josh mumbled, taking a sip.  
“You have that pissed off look,” Tyler said knowingly. He’d seen that look countless times before and it always came prior to an argument.  
“I’m just- I don’t know… jealous? It’s whatever.” Josh said quietly.  
Tyler was speechless, he hadn’t expected Josh to drop his pride and be honest. Tyler then smiled and placed a hand on Josh’s thigh, “I’ll take you there some time, it’s a lovely drive from Columbus to the beach.”

Josh didn’t have the heart to tell Tyler that he’d rather go anywhere but near Columbus, but knew better than that so he smiled gently. “Thank you.” He then looked down at Tyler’s arm. “What’s up with your vein?” He asked quietly, confused.  
Tyler pulled his arm away as if he’d been burnt, casually sliding his other hand over the inside of his elbow and holding it there. “Birth defect.” He stated it, brushing it off.  
Josh was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Are you sure?”  
“It’s been there my whole life, so yes I’m sure.” Tyler snapped without warning.  
“Then why are you so angry? Jeez.” Josh mumbled, looking back at the hedges.  
“Why are you always asking questions?” Tyler muttered in reply,  
“It’s just- I’m overthinking it. Don’t worry about it.”  
“Thank you.” Tyler scoffed, rolling his eyes. The two returned to silence and it didn’t take long before Tyler felt guilty. He moved his hand away from his forearm and placed it on Josh’s shoulder, “I’m sorry for snapping.”   
Josh seemed to ignore Tyler’s voice while he stared at his arm. “Tell me those aren’t track marks.”   
Tyler tensed and shrugged it off, “I travel a lot, that means a lot of injections.”  
“Fuck off, I’m not dumb,” Josh mumbled, sitting up quickly. “Are those fucking track marks?”   
“No.” Tyler denied, his voice rising. “I’m not some addict.”  
Josh talked calmly now, “Ty, if you’ve got a problem you need to tell someone.”   
Tyler slammed his glass down hard enough that Josh was surprised it didn’t crack. “I don’t have a problem, and I’m not shooting up!”  
“Then why are you so mad?” He sighed.   
“Because you never believe anything I say.” Tyler hissed.  
“Because you can’t talk to me without getting pissed at me!”  
Tyler rose to his feet. “Gosh, I knew you’d act like this. I let you come to my house, I show you my writing room, I have sex with you- and you still don’t trust me.”  
“I’m worried about you!” Josh glared, getting up too.  
“Well stop! There’s no point because I’m fine.”  
“God, I’m so sorry.” Josh huffed.  
“You should be. Quit acting like you know everything about me, fucking journalists.” Tyler scoffed.  
“Stop stereotyping me whenever you don’t agree with me!” Josh pouted.   
“Agree? You’re attacking me.”  
“I wouldn’t be ‘attacking you’ if you weren’t covered in fucking track marks! Tyler, we both know that doesn’t come from fucking vaccines!”  
Tyler started to walk back to the house as if he could just avoid the conversation, but of course, Josh followed him. “You’re never going to believe me, this is why you’re so hard to talk to,” Tyler yelled as he walked through his house.

“Why do you think I’m so fucking dumb, Tyler? I spent my childhood surrounded by addicts and you’re no fucking different!” Josh shouted.   
Tyler whipped around and gave Josh a look which could kill, then he surged forward and took hold of Josh’s wrist. “You must think you know everything, just cause you had some crackhead parents who didn’t love you.” Tyler seethed, pulling Josh through his house and up the stairs.  
While Tyler wasn’t nearly as strong as Josh, his grip was like a vice, or perhaps it was just because of the amount of shock Josh was in. But finally, they reached a door which they hadn’t entered before. “If you know so much, see it for yourself.” Tyler spat before opening the door and shoving Josh in.  
“Fuck you.” Josh finally glared in response at Tyler, looking around in confusion to the room he was in.   
The room was dark, none of the lights were turned on and the curtains were drawn, but it was obvious that it was the master bedroom. It seemed only messy at first, but the more Josh’s eyes wandered the room the more that he saw. Empty bottles littered the floor, snap bags of powders and pills, and bottles paired with injection equipment lay around the room like dirty laundry.

“You- You need help,” Josh said quietly, staring dejectedly at his surroundings.   
Tyler scoffed, “I’m not an addict. It’s just a collection. Lots of people collect wine but it doesn’t mean they’re alcoholics.”  
“Are you fucking kidding? This is disgusting!” Josh raised his voice finally. “Is this a joke to you? You fucking sicko.”  
Tyler’s heart rate was gaining speed by the second. “If it weren’t for all this, Joshua. I wouldn’t have been able to write all my songs of the past three years! I would be dead!”  
“Go to a fucking doctor! Get some help! You don’t need this shit to live, you don’t need to write if it demands drugs!”   
“Gosh are you listening to yourself? Who’s actually sober in this business these days, and still successful?”   
“Looking after yourself is more important than being famous!” Josh felt so frustrated, not knowing how to talk to Tyler about this or how to get out of this conversation. 

Tyler moved closer to Josh, at least now not blocking the doorway. “Do you like the song Isle of Flightless Birds? Crowd favourite. Do you know how fucking high I was when I wrote that?” Tyler rambled, his hands trembling unsteadily at his sides.

Josh stepped back away from Tyler, narrowly avoiding the items on the ground. “Your fans would understand- They would understand if you changed your writing.”   
“They’d want to know why, and would you understand? Do you understand, Joshua?” Tyler dared to asked.  
Josh stared up at him. “I don’t think I want to understand.” He said quietly.   
Tyler went still as if he was thinking Josh’s words through, then looked hurt. Tyler looked away and muttered something which didn’t make much sense.   
“What?” Josh asked, frowning.  
“The address. Go call a cab, Brendon, whoever- I don’t care. Just leave. I’ll buzz you out.” Tyler spoke, sounding defeated.  
Josh took a deep breath before pushing past him lightly, going to grab his things quickly. 

As Josh got into the cab he was wearing his own clothes, his face felt numb purely from how bad he felt. He wouldn’t tell anyone, but he cried the whole way home. 

Stepping into his own home for the first time in over two weeks felt unusual, to say the least. For once Josh was thankful for the quiet house, usually finding comfort in Brendon having friends over. Josh knocked on Brendon’s door before just walking in without a response. 

“You were gone too long.” Brendon sighed, looking over at him from his phone. “We’ve been over this, you need to talk to me.”   
“Yeah, I’m an idiot. Can we not talk about me?” Josh sniffed, crawling into bed beside Brendon.   
“I went to that parlour you suggested. One of my old friends works there now.” Josh smiled tiredly, grabbing Brendon’s arms softly to wrap them around himself.   
Brendon didn’t hesitate to pull Josh close to him, smiling down at him. “Really? That’s great to hear but dude, you were gone two weeks.”  
“I felt like I was living a new life. I got to pretend I wasn’t myself and it was amazing.”  
Brendon couldn’t help but frown, “I thought you loved your life right now?”  
Josh leaned into him. “Everything kinda sucks right now.” He mumbled.   
“Did something happen while you were gone? I thought you only just got back?” Brendon questioned him, both confused and concerned for his well-being.  
“I just had a fight with Tyler and I’m- I’m just overreacting, so.”  
Brendon tensed, “What did that creep do now?”   
“We- I really like him, Brend’, don’t be mean,” Josh mumbled. Though he was upset, Josh still wanted to defend Tyler any chance he got.   
“I don’t like him, Josh. You know that he came here and snooped around your room while you were gone?”  
“At first I was mad… But it felt like someone cared that I was gone.” Josh sniffed.   
Brendon scoffed, his hold loosening on Josh as if he were repulsed by him. “What, because I don’t?”  
“I- Shit- I didn’t mean that!” He gasped, looking back at Brendon quickly.   
“I think you did. Man, I should go and ask Tyler for advice on how to care about other people. Apparently, he’s a pro.”  
Josh pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry, ok! I said the wrong thing! I’ve had such a long day.”   
“God, probably- is that a hickey?” Brendon asked, his eyes going wide as he tugged down Josh’s collar. “It is! Who gave you that? Tyler the Christian fag?”  
Josh just pushed him away sluggishly. “Yeah. Don’t worry about it, he hates me again.”   
“Why? Cause you called him gay after he made out with you?” Brendon laughed wickedly, holding no sympathy for Tyler or Josh.   
Josh began to cry silently. He wasn’t even that upset at the moment, just so overwhelmed by everything. He had never known how to handle his thoughts and emotions and this was just a pitiful example. “I said he had a problem and he showed me his stash.” He said absently.  
Brendon’s smile dropped, “stash like, drug stash?” He asked seriously, leaning in closer to Josh in curiosity.  
Josh grabbed at his own hair, pulling at it as a form of leverage. “I need to stop fucking talking.”  
“Josh, take a deep breath and tell me what happened. Did he hurt you? Threaten you?” Brendon asked with a strange amount of gentleness.  
Josh just held onto his hair with a sense of urgency. “I’m not talking about this, Brendon. He already hates me enough. I always say too much I’m so- So dumb.”  
“What happened? Josh, what did you do?” Brendon asked, easing Josh’s hands out of his hair and holding them gently but firmly.  
“I- I saw marks on his arms and when- when I asked about it he got so mad… ‘nd he said my parents didn’t love me.” Josh sniffed, squeezing Brendon’s hands slightly. “They just didn’t know how to take care of me! They loved me, Brend. Right?”  
As much as Brendon hated Tyler, he decided not to direct every problem at him just for Josh’s sake. “Josh, you know that they did. They were just trying to protect you.” Brendon reassured him, but he knew that what he said held no meaning.

Josh’s parents were assholes and didn’t deserve the title of ‘parents,’ who didn’t give a shit about their children, but sometimes the illusion was easier to handle than the truth. Brendon hated thinking about it, but he was friends with Ryan, and he knew that Tyler’s parents didn’t love him either. He knew that Tyler knew that, and Ryan always told him that the reason as to why Tyler’s life had spiralled out of control was because he knew that. While Josh knew the truth, he had gotten past the point Tyler was stuck in and Brendon didn’t want to see it happen again.

“We had fun,” Josh mumbled, frowning. “Why’d I have to say anything?”  
“It’s okay that you said something, the way that he responded was his own choice. A lot of addicts I know can be shitty when they’re trying to convince people they’re not sick. It’s like-“ Brendon paused thoughtfully, stroking the back of Josh’s hand. “It’s like they want you to think that they’re an asshole on their own accord, not because of the drugs.” 

Josh took every word in though staying silent. After a few moments he spoke up, “can you please let go of my hands? I need a hug.”   
“Of course, anytime,” Brendon said in a hushed voice, pulling Josh tight against his chest and pressing kisses into his hair. Cuddling with Brendon never lasted, and Josh stood correct as Brendon’s hand roamed lower.   
“I think I know what will make you feel better, Josh.” Brendon purred, unbuckling Josh’s belt skillfully.  
Josh curled his hands in Brendon’s shirt, nodding gently. He was really too exhausted to think this over and knew that it would at least distract him for a while.  
With Josh’s conformation, Brendon slowly sunk down and eased the other boy onto his back.

On the night you left I came over   
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders.  
-Death Cab For Cutie, Summer Skin


	12. 11. Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hai babes i am SO SORRY for the lack of updates! me and jelly have a backlog of updates but we have been very busy >_< with that being said, enjoy this stupid gay hate shit <3

Josh slowly started to lose track of time the longer he stewed over himself and Tyler. He would lay in his bed with the eyes of his teenage heroes staring at him, their eyes burning holes into his conscience. He felt guilty for blocking Tyler out like this, but he just couldn’t face him. 

He wasn’t necessarily scared of Tyler, but more or so afraid of what he could become. He has seen what addiction had done to his parents, he’d seen them choose drugs over their own children. So who was to stop Tyler from forgetting about some random guy he spent a couple of days with and had sex with only once? 

Josh had spent hours on his phone, supposedly reconnecting with the world after his break. Truly, he was desperate to find something to look at that wasn’t his posters since leaving his room felt catastrophic at this time. He went onto his favourite news page to catch up with the world around him, but as he stared at the front page it felt like his world was falling apart once more.

In the past week where Josh had been working on overdrive to make up for the two weeks he was gone and feeling too sorry for himself to do anything else, Tyler had managed to make headlines in their local news.  
After reading the headlines, Josh only felt exceptionally worse. 

“Star Tyler Joseph spotted entering ex-girlfriend Jenna Black‘s home this morning with hints of another fling.” Josh read aloud. 

As much as he didn’t believe it, the more he read the more it seemed true. He didn’t know that Jenna and Tyler dated, and apparently, it wasn’t just a summer fling either. Josh felt sick to his stomach, he should have seen this coming. The guy was Christian, like he would turn gay just for some guy he took to New Jersey. 

Josh felt exceptionally worse when he realised that it was, in fact, a Tuesday, the one day where he would have to face both of them. To say Josh was dreading work would be an understatement as he began to get ready, forcing himself to go clean up his appearance first. To the outside world, Josh was fine and that was the way it was going to stay.

So, he stepped into the cafe with a brave face on. Today was going to be just like any other working day, and Josh would be damned if he let some fling of his ruin that. When he got there Tyler and Ryan were already seated, the bad mood surrounding their table like a fog. The first thing Josh noticed was not how sickly Tyler looked, but the fact that he no longer wore Josh’s hoodie.

Tyler was dressed in his usual Tuesday attire, and while it hid his appearance it did not hide his oddly pale skin and sunken cheeks. Still, as Josh watched Jenna stalk passed him and over to the pair’s table, all pity he had was gone. He noticed the way that she leaned in close to Tyler, the way she lingered for so long and of course the way she gently kissed the top of his head. 

Josh tried to ignore the fact that his suspicions were confirmed, that he was just an experiment to Tyler. The young boy was no stranger to the no-strings-attached lifestyle, but he finally felt like he had something good with Tyler. He knew how selfish he was being, being mad at Tyler when the boy was obviously struggling but for once in his life, Josh didn’t care. He was sick of obsessing over someone that obviously didn’t care about him and with that thought, Josh had a plan. 

Work droned on endlessly until Josh got his break, going into the crew room and digging his phone out of his pocket quickly. He had added this number out of pity and pity was all he felt for himself as he sent the message.   
‘Hey this is josh’  
‘Who?’  
‘I got you kicked out of a concert. Soz abt that’

As the conversation went on passed the awkward introduction, Josh found out that though Tori (the name he learnt during the conversation) was from Columbus too, she didn’t live there anymore. She had gone to the concert with a friend from school in hopes of reliving their adolescence in the all too familiar basement. Tori actually lived pretty close to LA, finishing college on the edge of town.

Josh went back to working with a new hope, blocking out Ryan and Tyler’s conversations as he did his job. Although he still couldn’t ignore the glances that Ryan and Tyler gave him, obviously giving away that they were talking about him. Josh just rolled his eyes.

“Hey Josh, can you run this to table eleven?” Jenna asked with a cheerful smile, holding out a coffee for him to take.   
“Of course.” Josh hummed, taking it and going over.   
Ryan and Tyler went silent just as Josh appeared at their table, looking away from him like guilty school kids. He would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt, but Josh just had to do his job.  
“The soy flat white?” He asks gently, holding the mug over the table and waiting to be told where to put it.  
“Mine, that’s mine, Joshua,” Tyler spoke up shyly. Josh just placed the coffee down, smiling lightly. “Are you two waiting on anything else?”  
“No, that’s all. Thank you, Josh.” Ryan spoke quietly but smoothly.  
Josh just nods, starting to walk off.  
“Wait! Josh, I think I should give this back.” Tyler spoke loudly, then quietly when he remembered where they were.   
“Oh? Is everything alright?” Josh asked, turning around on his heels.  
He stood up from his seat and held out Josh’s hoodie which was folded neatly, he seemed willing to give it away, but his knuckles were white around the fabric and his mouth was turned down in a hurt frown.  
Josh smiled gently, shaking his head. He could see how much Tyler wanted to hold onto it and secretly, he wanted Tyler to keep it too. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said softly before going off to do his job. 

Tyler stood still with his hands still outstretched for a moment later before he quickly crumpled back into his pile of pillows. Ryan stared at him across the table with eyes wide in genuine shock. “What was that?” Ryan asked quietly.  
“I have no idea, Ry. Aren’t you meant to understand all this?” Tyler mumbled, hugging the hoodie to his chest.  
Ryan may have known more than he let on but he just shrugged. “I don’t know what goes on in that boy’s head.”

I hope it stays dark forever  
I hope the worst isn't over  
And I hope you blink before I do  
And I hope I never get sober  
The Mountain Goats, No Children

Josh had only been home long enough to get changed into a nice outfit before he was sat in a taxi driving towards the edge of town. 

In retrospect, Josh knew this was a bad idea but this was how he coped. Of course, it was a bad habit, having sex with kind strangers whenever he felt like he needed it, but it was better than some people’s bad habits and that’s what had Josh always coming back for more.

He stood outside the thin townhouse, staring up at its slender frame while his breath struggled in his throat. Josh checked the address in his messages before nodding to himself, walking up and knocking firmly on the door.   
Tori greeted him in a tight, black dress with a red-lipped smile. “How’re you gonna get me kicked out of my own house?” She teased, taking his hand gently.  
“Oh, you know, I have my ways.” Josh grinned, following her. 

Tori took him into her home like a moth drawn to her flame, leading him into her lounge room and sitting him on the couch where a bottle of wine and two glasses sat waiting on the coffee table. Tori sat hip-to-hip with him and crossed one of her legs over the other, her smooth leg resting lightly against his own. 

Although Josh would tell everyone that he was straight-edge, he couldn’t remember the last time he had actually turned down a drink. So of course, when Tori handed him a glass he thanked her and took a sip. The night continued on with bright smiles, wandering eyes and lingering hands as the pair slowly worked through the bottle of wine. They weren’t all that drunk, but enough that Josh felt warm inside and found comfort in moving his hand higher up Tori’s thigh. 

It didn’t take long for the pair to be falling all over each other, giggling as wandering hands turned into fistfuls of shirts and desperate touches. Tori was surprised by the way Josh pushed her down onto the couch, hands on her wrists as his mouth explored the skin on her neck, she was even curious if this actually was the same guy from the show who’s gotten her kicked out for flirting.

“Is this okay?” Josh asked in a hushed voice, his calloused fingers pushing her dress up her thigh as his hand dared to go higher.  
“Yes, yes- fuck yes.” Tori moaned, her back arching off of the couch.

As much as it felt wrong for Josh to be with a girl like Tori instead of Tyler or Brendon, there was something about the way she crumbled beneath him that made his heart race. Josh rarely slept with women, and sometimes he found himself forgetting what it was like. While he did sleep with men more often, nothing could compare to the delicate form of a girl like Tori. Even though she was intimidating when he’d first met her, even then he could deny that her blonde hair, dark eye shadow, combat boots and overall punk aesthetic was attractive.

Tori only seemed to get lewder and lewder as Josh worked her up with his fingers and Josh was beginning to find her irresistible. He continued until Tori let out a soft gasp of “I’m ready.”  
“Ya got any rubbers?” Josh hummed, hovering over her gentle body and slowly lifting up her dress to admire her red and black lingerie.

And I hope when you think of me years down the line  
You can't find one good thing to say  
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out  
You'd stay the hell out of my way  
The Mountain Goats, No Children

To say Josh felt horrible when he was sat back in a cab was an understatement. He was unsure of why he felt so bad, considering the fact that he never put so much thought into sex. But now, as Josh stared out the window at the same view of the city he’d seen in the last 4 trips he was stuck thinking about how much he was leading Tori on and how he wouldn’t bat an eyelash over doing it again. After all, he already had too many times.

Josh knew that he was being cruel to not only Tori, but Tyler as well. He had made no effort to contact Tyler or Ryan since Tyler had confided in him over his drug problem but Josh felt that it was too late to even apologise to the other man or maybe he was just scared. So instead he would sink back into his and Brendon’s home like slime, avoiding his friend as he silently took refuge in his bedroom. But still, even in the comfort of his bed, Tyler’s gaze would never give him solitude, the posters would stare Josh down and wordlessly remind him of what he was doing, who was hurting. The saddest part was that Josh still couldn’t bring himself to tear them down, because no matter how much they hurt him, he knew that he deserved it.

With Brendon probably mad at him, and Tyler hid away in his tomb, Ryan found himself lonely in a way which he hadn’t experienced in months. He was angry at Josh more than he had been before, because the guy had disappeared off the map straight after Tyler had told him his biggest secret. Ryan didn’t doubt that Tyler’s confession to Josh hadn’t gone smoothly, even Ryan was pretty shocked when he’d first seen Tyler’s growing addiction years ago. But that did not give Josh the excuse to leave the musician in the dust like he was some junkie trash. 

“God fucking damn it.” Ryan scoffed, kicking a pillow which lay on the floor beside his couch. The more he thought about Josh and the damage he had caused, the angrier and more helpless he felt. He’d decided that he was going to give Tyler space to work things out alone but then he just felt stupid, cause when could Tyler ever work things out on his own that was healthy?

Ryan stormed out of his apartment building and out onto the streets with a look that could kill, impatiently waiting on the curb until a taxi cab stopped for him. He didn’t bother to call Tyler and let him know that he was coming over, because he knew that Tyler wouldn’t pick up the phone, neither would Josh, or Brendon. Ryan didn’t even mutter a thanks to the driver as he paid him and stepped out onto Tyler’s curb. He plugged in the code as aggressively as he could and slipped through the gate, marching up to Tyler’s front door with a key in hand, there were only two keys to unlock Tyler’s door and Ryan treasured it more than his own apartment key.

Ryan quietly crept into Tyler’s large house, gawking when he noticed that it was nothing like how it usually was. It was as if the place had been ransacked and for a second, Ryan really was scared that Tyler had been robbed, but then decided that Tyler was the type of person to get destructive when he was upset. 

“Tyler?” He called, nervously slowly making his way up the stairs towards his bedroom. When Ryan reached Tyler’s room, the smell of alcohol was almost overpowering and he was glad to find that the writer wasn't there because the smell was probably equal to mustard gas. So instead Ryan made his way to the second most likely place he’d find Tyler, which was up the spiral staircase in the wall.

Sure enough, when Ryan made it up there he noticed the figure huddled in the corner, and his heart ached for his friend. 

“Tyler, buddy, you okay?” He asked tenderly, even though he knew that he was far from it.  
Tyler made no attempt to respond, looking up at Ryan in a daze.  
“Ty, what’s up?” Ryan asked once more, going to kneel in front of him. 

“What isn’t up, RyRo?” Tyler mumbled, gazing straight over Ryan’s shoulder.  
Ryan just sighed, standing up once more and going to draw open the blinds, alongside cracking open the window. “What’s this?” He asked, not expecting a reply as Ryan looked down at the desk where Tyler’s notebook laid open on an unfamiliar page.  
“My undoubting hate and regret towards myself and my actions.”   
“Oh, chill.” Ryan shrugged, reading over the page and looking down at Tyler once more. “Bro.”  
“I think I’ll name it Anathema,” Tyler added, still gazing towards the window with his pupils blown wide from intoxication.   
“What does that mean then?” The older boy hummed, sitting down at Tyler’s desk.  
“It’s both a strong curse of blasphemy, and a hate towards someone or something,” Tyler explained, his words slow and unfamiliar. Ryan frowned at the explanation.   
“Okay, buddy. Let’s get you into the bath.” Ryan decided, scooping Tyler up under the armpits and helping him to his feet. 

Tyler was a lot more wasted than Ryan initially thought as he dragged Tyler’s dead weight down the stairs and back to the master bedroom, holding his breath as he carried him through the hazardous space. Thankfully the bathroom didn’t smell half as bad as the bedroom and Ryan awkwardly sat him in the shower while he ran a bath. 

“Ty, how’re you feeling on a scale of 1-10? 4 being that you can bathe on your own.” Ryan asked, the two were close, but Ryan was not in the mood to strip his friend’s clothes off and bathe him like a toddler.   
Tyler only grunted in response before his head rolled back and thumped onto the wall, Ryan just groaned and shuffled over to him.

“Arms up.” Ryan sighed, waiting for Tyler to comply before pulling the hoodie up off of Tyler. “Isn’t this the one from brunch?”  
“Fuck off, Ryro,” Tyler responded stiffly.  
“Since when did you even listen to Death Cab? That’s so not you.” Ryan continued, cringing at the stiff patches in the fabric from what was obviously dried liquor.   
“Joshua likes them,” Tyler explained in slurs.  
“He’s an asshole, Ty. This is supposed to be you-time.” Ryan tried, slowly.  
“I tried-” Tyler hiccupped. “To give it back. He’s so stupid.”  
“I know, I know that you tried. Help me get you up.” Ryan said, lifting Tyler up as he worked off his boxers, his eyes moving to look at the wall. He’d seen Tyler naked more than once, but it still made him uncomfortable, especially when he was in a state like this.  
“He’s so fucking- I hate his guts! His stupid fuckin’ face, stupid hoodie. He just fucking smiled at me! It was so humiliating-” Tyler sucked in some air. “Everyone probably thought I was so stupid!”  
“Tyler, no one saw you,” Ryan reassured him as he lifted him up to a standing position and helped him to the bath.   
“I’m so fucking- fucking- sick of people looking at me! Like what the fuck am I doing? I can’t fucking-” Ryan interrupted Tyler quickly, “watch your step.”   
Tyler stepped into the tub slowly, sitting down with his knees pulled up to his chest. “I don’t need to look after myself, I want to look different already!”  
Ryan ignored his friend's rambles, he cared about him, but he knew that what he was saying was just the fault of his drunken state.   
“Stop thinking about that right now. Just take a deep breath.” Ryan spoke quietly, slowly leaning Tyler back in the tub.  
Tyler just did as he was told, too tired to do anything else. Ryan was thankfully for the silence as he soothed shampoo through Tyler’s hair and mixed soap into the water, doing his best to soothe him in his intoxicated state.   
Ryan’s heart truly ached for his friend, especially now with his hair pushed back he could see how sunken his cheeks were and how yellow his skin was. Tyler had always been thin, but now Ryan could see the way that his ribs jutted out and the skin clung to his shoulders.  
“Ty, when was the last time you ate?” Ryan asked, sitting back for a second.  
Tyler shrugged.   
Ryan sighed. “I’m gonna go get you something to eat, don’t drown while I’m gone.”

Ryan was hesitant to leave Tyler alone, but in the end, he left to scour the kitchen until he found something edible. “Ty, can you eat breadsticks and orange juice?” He called up the stairs to Tyler.  
“Yeah!” Tyler called back, playing with the water absentmindedly.  
Ryan felt his phone buzz in his pocket as he made his way back to Tyler, sitting next to the tub after setting the box of breadsticks and a carton of juice beside Tyler. The drunk boy dug in sluggishly and Ryan seriously wondered when the last time he ate was while he slipped his phone out of his pocket and opened twitter. 

To say he was shocked was an understatement as he read the headline of their local news. Ryan scowled at his phone, huffing in dismay.   
“What’s up?” Tyler asked after noticing Ryan’s expression and tried to lean over the bathtub to see.  
Ryan quickly pulled his phone away, looking at Tyler with an unreadable look that scared the boy no matter how intoxicated he was.  
“What is it? Show me.” He rushed out before jerking forward and snatching Ryan’s phone from his hands.  
“No!” Ryan cried but Tyler had already seen the headline.  
“Joshua Dun, Famous Journalist of The LA Scene, Seen Leaving Woman’s Home After Hookup.” He read aloud. 

There were a few times that Tyler could feel his life caving in on itself in such a short period. But as he scrolled down to look at the photos of a dishevelled Josh leaving a home while a woman wrapped in a blanket stood in the doorway, he could feel his heart being tugged in every direction until it was pulled apart into tiny pieces.

Tyler handed Ryan his phone back quietly before submerging himself back into the bathwater until he had disappeared underneath the bubbles. Ryan cried out as he dove forward, grabbing Tyler by the shoulders and struggling to pull him out of the water.  
“God, let me drown!” He yelled, throwing himself around in an attempt to free himself from Ryan’s hold.  
Ryan only pulled the soaking boy into his chest, hugging him tightly, no matter how much he screamed to be let go. Ryan could feel Tyler’s pain radiating off of his sickly skin and his heart hurt nearly as much as his friend’s. Finally, Tyler stopped struggling and fell limp against Ryan, sobbing into his drenched shirt and clinging to the fabric.  
“I gave him everything, Ryan! Why am I not good enough?” Tyler wailed, his tears hot against his face.  
Ryan took a deep breath, holding Tyler as tight as he could. “I’m sorry Ty.” He offered, unsure of how to comfort the boy with his words.  
“I knew the risks, God I’m so stupid!” Tyler looked up at Ryan with desperation the other had never seen before. “I had sex with him, Ryan. I gave up my religion for him.”

He felt the blood boil in his veins. “He’s not worth it, Ty. I’m so sorry.” Ryan mumbled before picking up a breadstick. “C’mon Ty, lets sober you up so you can deal with it… differently…” He held it against Tyler’s lips. Tyler took painstakingly slow bites, tears still pushing their way over his cheeks, nodding to Ryan and speaking with his mouth full. “It’s good.”  
“Yeah.” The older boy smiled gently, glad that Tyler was thinking about something else for now. 

Tyler looked outright miserable as he sat on the tiles beside the bath, chewing on a breadstick as he sniffled softly and made no effort to wipe away the tears that still streaked down his cheeks.  
“Josh was right, wasn’t he?” Tyler asked, looking up at Ryan. “I am just a soulless junkie.”  
Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, unsure of the truth behind Tyler’s words. “No, Tyler, you’re not. I don’t wanna hear you say that about yourself.”

“Look!” Tyler raised his arm up and shoved his forearm into Ryan’s face so that he could see the track marks. “Gosh, Joshua was so disgusted when he saw them.” Tyler laughed breathily as he ran a hand through his hair.   
“Tyler, we’re not talking about this unless you’re sober,” Ryan said sternly, taking ahold of Tyler's arm gently.  
Tyler looked at Ryan with a desperate glint in his eyes. “I’m tired, Ryan. I’m hungry and everything hurts, I’m sick of being high.”  
Ryan frowned gently. “I know, Ty. Please let me take care of you for now.” He sighed softly, getting up and grabbing the boy a towel.  
Tyler accepted the towel gratefully and wrapped it around his shoulders, still looking distressed. “Do you think Jenna would come over if you asked?”   
“Of course, Tyler. Of course.”


End file.
